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jealous of my DH

tkvoisintkvoisin
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

this is mostly just a vent post. just needed to get this out. LO is over a month old, talked to DH several times and still just don't feel like anything is getting better.

my DH works 3rd shift right now. and it completely sucks for me. when LO was born we had some major issues w breastfeeding so my DH and I talked about it and decided that formula was the best option for our family. in his words "so i can feed her too"

well that hasn't really happened. my DH is going to school and working 3rd shift and then sleeps til 3 or 4 every day. so i take care of LO 18-20 hours of every day. getting roughly 4 hours of sleep. i've never been able to nap during the day and there is no difference now in my life even though i'm not sleeping at night like i used to.

i'm jealous of his life outside of our house. i LOVE taking care of my LO. she is the love of my life. but (and i know this sounds really immature) it just doesn't seem fair.

i miss my life. i miss my friends. i miss working. i told DH that i was going to go back to work p/t when i was released. that should be next weekend but bc he wouldn't talk to his scheduling manager at work i am not sure if i'm going to go back to work yet bc of his schedule and lack of childcare. and even though he is the one going to school i am the one doing most of his homework because he doesn't have time with work and actually going to school. so on top of taking care of LO and keeping the house (relatively) clean i do the stuff DH doesn't have time to do bc we can't afford for him to fail a class bc then we will have to pay for it again.

 

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Re: jealous of my DH

  • xDanniellexxDanniellex

    I can sorta relate.  My H works 3rd shift 5 nights a week.  In the early days he would get up with the baby the 2 nights he had off, to give me a break. 

    He has 2 jobs, so aside from not being there 5 nights a week, he can work an extra 16 hours at his 2nd job.  So a lot of the time when he's not working he's sleeping.  Luckily he's been really good about helping out when he does wake up.  

    It does get overwhelming, when you are spending every night and then all day taking care of your LO.  My little man didn't start sleeping for longer than 2 hours at a time until 8 weeks.  

    The nice thing for me has been that I started school.  It's just 2 nights a week for a total of 4 hours.  But it gets me out of the house and H is completely responsible for LO while I'm gone.  

    Otherwise the house is completely my responsiblity.  Dishes, dinner, laundry, etc.  I've found that if every once in awhile H does something, like unload the dishwasher, it really helps me a lot.  

    Hopefully some of my rambling helps, or at least makes you feel not so alone.  

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  • brittlandkbrittlandk

    You say you miss your friends... they probably miss you, too, and would be willing to help you out. Ask if they'll come over and watch LO while you catch up on housework. You'll get some needed social time and an extra pair of hands. I bet they'd love to help.

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  • NSLNSL member
    You need to print this post out and give it to him.  If he still doesn't get it then, honestly I'd be on the phone to a marriage counselor.  He needs to respect the fact that you have needs too. 
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  • Scooter359Scooter359
    You have to look at it from his side too right now, he is the sole breadwinner and is probably stressing about providing for a whole family now, and (I'm guessing here...) is going to school to try and up the income. I know when I talked to SO about this I found it was a much bigger stress factor for him then I had always thought. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't do things, or see your friends, or go out. The world is a very baby friendly place, enjoy it. You both are going to have to find a way to adjust and split the responsibilities, parenting is a team sport.
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  • saturdaynightdoubletreesaturdaynightdoubletree member
    DH works 6pm-6am... I am home feeding 2 kids, bathing them, getting them to sleep, and up with DS throughout the night. When DH gets home he needs some sort of sleep, and I need to start another day with two kids. The lack of sleep is hard for both of us, and sometimes doesn't seem fair. Days I stay in the house are hard... getting out makes things so much easier. Go visit friends, join a mother's group, walk the mall (or better yet outside!). I'm not saying it's easy, but it sounds like your DH has got a lot on his plate too. You both need to figure out what works for your family... GL!
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  • verysecretmamaverysecretmama

    I totally know how you feel (see post below "alone and scared") it's tough to suddenly give up everyting in your life and be "just a mommy." And it's even tougher when you and your husband don't see eye to eye.

    I wish I had advice, but I'm dealing with the same stresses. You are not alone!

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