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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
jgal84
member
Babysitter Deal Breakers
jgal84
member
I just need to know what yours are. I'm a new mom, and I just don't know what is normal/not normal when it comes to babysitters. I have a few issues with our babysitter, and I need to know if I'm being ridiculous. Of course, I'm a super paranoid control freak when it comes to my LO. Here's one example: I'm terrified to take her to see Santa, because I'm afraid he's a pedophile. See what I mean? Paranoid. For the record, I took her to see Santa, not like she really cares at this point, last weekend. Everyone survived 
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Re: Babysitter Deal Breakers
For me: LO coming home 'dirty' whether it be messed up clothes (when he has extras in his diaper bag), dirty diaper that hasn't been changed, unwiped face, etc.
However, I never left DD with anyone I didn't know really well (that was 15 years ago). I don't see having 'strangers' watch DS either, but you never know.
It would help me to know what issues you have........
Here's our issues:
DD goes there 3 times a week. In less than 2 months, she has lost 2 socks (from 2 diff pairs) and an outfit (onesie and pants). I'm not real good about checking the diaper bag before/after to make sure nothing was left, but I will now. Are these lost things the end of the world? No. But, this seems to be a continuing pattern and we can't afford to keep replacing the stuff she loses. She also doesn't not seem concerned about them nor does she look for them. Yesterday she called and playfully said, "Can you please bring another pair of socks for DD. She lost one today!"
She takes DD with her to places and doesn't tell me until after the fact. Yesterday, she told me that she took her to her Dad's house, because some guys were putting in some carpet. Before she even started watching DD, I told her I didn't want her going anywhere. I very nicely said that I have absolutely no problem coming and staying with her or taking her to my office if she has somewhere she needs to go.
I don't want DD around strange men. This goes along with my fear of pedophiles. Someone in my immediate family was molested by a man that we had trusted, so this hits very close to home with me. Hence, my paranoia. I have no idea, and neither does she, who those guys were yesterday. This I have not talked to her about, yet, because I didn't think it was going to be an issue. Unfortunately, I will have to talk to her about it today, though. Another instance is that her son, who I don't know and have never met, sometimes comes to their house while DD is there. She told me that one time when he was sleeping on the couch, her and her husband laid MY DAUGHTER next to him as a joke. They laughed about it and thought it was hilarious that they "scared" him. NOT EFFING FUNNY.
One more thing.....sorry, this is long, I know. They recently started watching another little girl, who is a year old. They often leave her outside in her carseat asleep alone. I am not okay with this. If it's your own child and you want to do that, fine, I have no problem. But, I never think it's okay to do with someone else's child.
This lady and her husband are very nice people. Other than my few issues, I have no problem with them. They really do treat DD very well (as far as I know) and they are regarded in my small community as good babysitters. They watched 3 of my siblings for several years, and my stepmom also highly recommended them. She mostly took our DD as a favor to us, because she is trying to retire from babysitting. Basically, we need her, more than she needs us.
Not being changed often enough. We cloth diaper so I know how many diapers she goes through a day. Our first sitter was changing her twice a day and the diapers were SOAKED! I pulled her on her 2nd week of care.
Also, the 1st sitter bottle propped. At the time, my LO wasn't taking a bottle so I didn't have to worry about that, but she was doing it with a 6 month old and I just don't agree with that.
I've learned to let go of some things (I'm a super control freak as well) but some things just rubbed me wrong and I can't look past that.
You may need a sitter, but you definitely don't need the problems this sitter is causing you.
I would not by OK with a sitter taking my child anywhere unless I have expressly approved the destination and people involved.
Love, luck, and prayers to my BFPB Dr. SnowflakeBride
VABride, those would not be okay with me either.......
kofmkg, maybe you're right. In the beginning, I was really excited about her babysitting for us, because I had heard so many great things about her. I'm just so disappointed. I've known her for years, and I thought this would really work out. I won't lie - I was hoping everyone would tell me that I'm a psycho and that I need to get over it.
I hate confrontation and avoid it whenever possible, but, I'm just going to have to talk to her. That's what I'm supposed to do right? Try to resolve the issues with her first, and then start looking elsewhere?
From what you said, my deal breakers would be:
1. Taking her somewhere when you specifically asked them not to take her out. Not because they took her but because they broke one of your main rules. the principle behind that - if they break that rule, they will break more - they obviously have no regard for your wishes and standards.
2. the car seat thing. Knowing that would make me take my daughter right out of the childcare situation. Under no situation should a child be left in the vehicle alone. They can bring the carseat in if they want her to continue to sleep. Although, I just take the baby out and move her right to the crib... but whatever.
These are bigger problems than lost socks. I am not sure I could let these slide.
From your list, I would not be okay with her taking your LO anywhere when you asked her not to.
From your list... The taking my child ANYWHERE without my permission would be a deal breaker as well leaving alone in a carseat.
We just told DS's sitter we would not be using her any more and here are the reasons why:
She used another childs products on my child. I am VERY particular about the stuff I use on DS down to the diapers I buy I asked her several times to only use what I send she didn't get the point.
I found out she was leaving DS for several hours during the day in his pack and play. Thats just LAZY she only watches one other child if I am paying you I expect you to be interacting with my child and working on his motor skills.
The Straw that broke the camels back was another LAZY act. She put his solids in his bottle. Not his cereal but his fruits and veggies.
DD goes there 3 times a week. In less than 2 months, she has lost 2 socks (from 2 diff pairs) and an outfit (onesie and pants).
Not a big deal to me. I lose my son's stuff ALL the time
She takes DD with her to places and doesn't tell me until after the fact.
Giant deal breaker. If my sitter did this even ONCE, she'd be out of the picture forever. NO ONE takes my kid ANYWHERE without clearing it with me.
I don't want DD around strange men. This goes along with my fear of pedophiles. Someone in my immediate family was molested by a man that we had trusted, so this hits very close to home with me.
Me too. Your fears are normal, and justified, in my opinion. She had no business bringing your daughter around people you don't know or trust.
her and her husband laid MY DAUGHTER next to him as a joke. They laughed about it and thought it was hilarious that they "scared" him. NOT EFFING FUNNY.
Yeah, I'd be pi$$ed.
They often leave her outside in her carseat asleep alone.
I would be absolutely positively LIVID. The second I knew of this, I would be scooping my child up and never letting them near this person again. Furthermore, I would probably call the other child's parents to make sure they're aware of what's going on. Maybe that makes me a jerk - I wouldn't care.
This lady and her husband are very nice people. Other than my few issues, I have no problem with them.
I don't care how nice they are. They don't sound like they have any common sense, and I wouldn't want someone like that around my kid.
Thank you ladies very much. I appreciate everyone's responses. I will be looking for another care provider. I absolutely hate that it has come to this, but, I just don't see them changing their ways (they're 60+ years old).