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strangebird
member
NBNR: Right or wrong? Your opinions please.
strangebird
member
in Baby Names
This is not baby-name related, but since this is my home board, I'm posting it here: ) And, I apologize in advance for my complete inability to sum the story up in a reasonable number of words. I promise there is a question at the end.
This morning my younger sister was driving to daycare/work, when her tires slid on some ice and pulled a 360-degree turn, before sliding into a snow-filled drainage ditch and hitting a mile marker post. She's nineteen, pregnant, and had my 3-year-old niece in her carseat in the backseat. So, she was scared and crying when she called me, not being able to get in touch with either of our parents or her boyfriend.
Obviously, since everyone was just fine physically and warm enough, the only major concern was getting the car towed out of the ditch. Ashley has no money (she actually said she had less than $10 in the bank this morning) and apparently no AAA, either (we'll be rectifying that immediately), so she didn't know what to do. I told her, no big deal, call information and get the number for a tow trucker and make sure they'll take my credit card over the phone.
Well, while she was on the phone with the tow truck driver, a "Good Samaritan" stopped and asked if she needed any help. Nice, right? According to Ashley's description he was in his 40s, looked like a family guy, and was driving a nice, newish truck. He didn't look poor or downtrodden by any means, whereas my sister drives a horribly beat up Toyota Camry, with a sideview mirror that is taped on (we've offered to fix it for her to no avail), dents, is obviously young, pregnant, crying, and has a screaming, frightened toddler. I know my sister, so I can be reasonably certain she even rambled on about having no money and not knowing what to do . . .
So this guy, being oh-so-generous, offers to tow her out of the ditch, if she'll pay him $25. She agreed, thinking she would save me some money, since I had offered to pay for her tow. The entire job took no more than ten minutes, according to Ashley; he had the equipment on his truck and it was apparently quick and fairly easy.
Well, when she asked for his information (name, address) to send him a check, he threw a fit and said he assumed she had the cash when she agreed. He went so far as wanting to follow her into town to an ATM to get the money immediately. Finally, it ended with her in tears (again) and me on the phone with him explaining that while I had no problem paying him, he was absolutely going to have to wait for a check or money order.
But now I am totally flabbergasted. Is the Good Samaritan, as an American icon, really dead? I cannot even imagine how someone in this man's shoes would even consider asking for compensation for less than ten-minutes work and to make matters worse, asking for compensation from an obviously poor, pregnant, crying young girl with a sobbing toddler.
My husband sees nothing wrong with the man asking for compensation--after all, he probably saved us $150 or so and Ashley a good deal of time. I, on the other hand, am beyond disgusted. Of course, I will send him his money as was agreed upon, but my question for you is this: was the man right or wrong to ask for compensation?
No flames. No arguments. I'm just curious to hear the differing opinions because our family seems to be pretty evenly divided on who was right and who was wrong.
ETA: I probably should have mentioned (although perhaps you can tell from the context of the story) that my sister is a bit of a dope. Obviously, she should have said right up front that she didn't have any cash, but I'm pretty certain she didn't bother mentioning that fact, or did so in a way that it was entirely unclear. That's not really surprising, considering my sister.
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Re: NBNR: Right or wrong? Your opinions please.
That guy sounds like an absolute heartless a-hole.
I hope he gets a lump of coal in his stocking.
ETA: I didn't answer your question. It wasn't wrong of him to ask for compensation (he could be cash strapped, we all know having a shiny new truck doesn't mean you've got money), but it certainly wasn't a *kind* thing to do, either. It was even UNKINDER to have a huge fit when your sister didn't have cash in hand.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
Word.
Where I live, which is a snowy icy tundra-land, I know guys who just drive around to help people get un-stuck because it's fun for them.
For something that took less than ten minutes, no, I wouldn't think it would be appropriate to ask for compensation. Especially when she is obviously pregnant and has a frightened toddler. If I were in his place I would certainly do it for free.
However, the fact that he did is not just completely unacceptable. What is unacceptable is him going crazy on her when she didn't have the money right then, and trying to follow her to an ATM. That is insane. I hardly EVER have cash on me, and that's pretty common, it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise that she didn't have any money on her. I think he was nuts.
"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me the petition which I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
This story is a good reminder to me to be thankful for the men in my life (dad, husband, brothers) who would not have only helped your sister out without asking for compensation, but would have refused it if it were offered.
One of my favorite quotes sums up how I feel about the man who "helped" your sister: "You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." ?Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
That is awful. Where are you guys from? Here in Wisconsin we have the same thing as a PP.. guys drive around after snow and ice storms to see if they can help out of kindness. Stupid man.
I think it is okay to ask for compensation... but to freak out. I don't know. I would have been like I don't have any money on me and started out that way. What a douche.
This. I thought the story was headed in a really bad direction when you said that.
I dont think it was necessarily wrong for him to ask for compensation. The things that made it wrong, was how he reacted to the no cash, making her cry again, etc. If he wanted the money right away, he should have said so in the first place. Glad she and her toddler are physically ok though.
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Word.
Where I live, which is a snowy icy tundra-land, I know guys who just drive around to help people get un-stuck because it's fun for them.
This! H has done it on quite a few occassions because he's a nice guy. No one around here would ever ask for money or at the very least if they did and she didn't have any...they'd have just left it be.
He's a jerk for sure.
This! The men in my family would never, ever take a penny for helping someone.
I think since they agreed on the price beforehand, it's not "rude" that he wanted to be paid. The rude part is how he reacted when he found out she didn't have the cash. He threw a whiney baby fit! If he wanted cash, he should have said so right up front instead of assuming that she had cash. I hardly ever have cash on me, and I know a lot of people who don't carry cash either.
So yea...I think he's a huge @ss for acting the way he did. I think he just saw it as a money-making opportunity, not as an opportunity to help someone out.
This is my DH. He has a big Toyota Tundra and loves doing the good samaritan thing. I'm pretty appalled that the guy asked for compensation, let alone yelled at her when she didn't have cash on her.
that's a pretty d!ck thing for the "good samaritan" to do. However, the first thing I would've told him was that I had no money.
I would never stop to help someone then expect payment.
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My personal take on this whole situation is:
I wouldn't have asked for money (it never even would have occurred to me) if I were in the "Good" Samaritan's position. I'm usually more than happy to help someone in a nasty situation out, even more so if there are children or pregnancies involved, lol. Unless I was truly desperate for cash, I would even go so far as to refuse compensation that was offered to me, as it seems most of your dad and husbands would. It just doesn't seem right to take money when time is the only personal cost.
I do think the differing opinions are interesting. I was really surprised by my husband's blase reaction to the whole event--it didn't bother him in the least. It was especially interesting to me because he has mentioned that the two times in his life when he was stranded, both years ago when he was quite young, no one stopped or offered help, which is in complete contrast to my experiences--I've been stranded several times in snowstorms and following a blown-out tire and, without fail, even when I had a cell phone and help on the way, motorists were always willing to offer their assistance . . . and none ever asked for money. It makes me wonder where gender and perceived social class/economic status come into play. Clearly, they have a hand in this somewhere: )
Yeah I thought about that too.
"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me the petition which I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I'm really glad that your sister and niece are okay. How scary!
It would have been nicer if the man had offered to help her out of the kindness of his heart. However, $25 wasn't price gouging and still put your sister in a better position than if she had to wait for a professional tow. I personally would never have asked for compensation but I can't say that it was totally wrong for him to ask for $25 either.
I can see why he was upset about the delayed payment. She was a stranger that he met on the side of the road. He had no way of knowing if he would ever see that money. He must have felt that the agreement was based upon payment at the time of the service and that she was going back on the agreement. Still, his behavior after learning that she didn't have cash was scary and unkind.
Your sister probably should have mentioned that she didn't have the money on her when he agreed to tow her (although it is understandable that she didn't given her aggitated state). He might have chosen not to tow her if he knew that she didn't have the money right then. Of course that would have been very unkind, but he would have had that option.
I think he technically had the "right" to ask for compensation (I mean, it's his truck, and he could have just as easily driven on by), but I also think that's a really tacky thing to do. I've never heard of anyone asking for compensation for doing a good deed. It's just very poor manners.
It just makes him look like a jerk. I mean, sure, he can ask for compensation---but why would he? If I pick up a twenty dollar bill that the person ahead of me at the grocery store dropped, should I demand $5 of it? It's just tacky behavior.
So he stops to see if she needs help but would only help her if she paid? If she said no that means he would just leave her there? I do think he was wrong to ask because she was obviously in trouble and he took advantage of her situation. Maybe that is just the "Minnesota nice" in me though.
My brother, DH, and male friends make sure they have chains or straps to pull people out of ditches just in case they come upon someone in need of help. They would never ask for compensation.
First, I'm glad her spin out didn't cause any injury to her or your niece.
I think it was fine for him to ask for compensation, although for such a small amount of money, I don't know what the point was. Did he forget his lunch money or something? It would have been more chivalrous if he had just pulled her out because it was the right thing to do.
And while she ought to have been clear that she had no cash, I can completely understand why she'd be so distraught that she wouldn't be clear about that fact with him. So now she'll know for next time that even if she is upset, she needs to be clear/specific with people. I think this kind of wisdom comes from experiences just like this.