"Was it planned?"

LJR 84 · December 2010

How does everyone feel about this question? Appropriate? Inappropriate? I ask because I know for a *fact* that this question will be asked of us once we tell everyone that we're expecting #2. DD is 5 months old, so there will be about a 13 month age difference.

I personally don't think it's anyones business whether it was planned or not! I guess I 'm just thinking ahead a bit as far as how I plan on answering the question.

Thoughts?

Soonergrlnks · December 2010

I don't think that it is inappropriate. Sometimes I think it could be no ones business but it doesn't offend me.

psubride1012 · December 2010

I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.

12bailey18 · December 2010

I was asked if it was a "surprise" and I was somewhat offended by it. I am surprised more people haven't asked us these questions though. I was expecting a lot more. I don't mind if close friends ask me questions but I think anyone else just needs to say Congratulations...LOL.

Becky262 · December 2010

I don't know why people think it's okay to basically ask you "Were you having unprotected sex?" How my sex life is any of their concern, who knows. (Doesn't help that I've only gotten this question from people we barely know who are rude, noisy people.)

A good way to deflect a question that you don't want to answer without being too blunt is saying "Why do you ask?" (But be prepared for Noisy McRuderson to not get the hint and launch into a speech about 2u2, you're going to have your hands full, ect ect)

LJR 84 · December 2010

psubride1012:
I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.

Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!

mytwobabies · December 2010

I've been asked "was it a surprise" and its just annoying as hell! and when I said no i got an awkward "oh....". I personally dont think it is anyone's business and I would never ask the question myself.

Emilicious88 · December 2010

I haven't told DH's family yet, so I haven't really had the chance to hear this question - they're the only people I would expect to hear it from. His cousin asked, the day we got home from our honeymoon, "So, are you pregnant yet?" I really wanted to hit her. People can be so insensitive...so I can only imagine that someone's going to ask it - considering the short amount of time we've been married.

MrsBreezer80 · December 2010

Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

pettycrocker · December 2010

heck no- couldnt have been less planned, i took about 27 pee tests at home because i was in total denial, then i thought if i drunk enough water perhaps i could get a different result. im STILL in shock.

pettycrocker · December 2010

lol i just realized i didnt actually answer the question. no one ever dared ask me if it was planned because everyone i know, knew i wasnt planning on having kids, so everyone basically reacted with "well serves you right" lol

Kibbles09 · December 2010

I personally do not think it is, but I was asked that by 2 co-workers who thought I had done it purposely to keep my boyfriend around. My DB and I have been together for going on 15 months, and even threw around the word "marriage" after we graduated college. I found it disrespectful for myself, because I am not that kind of person. But everything happens for a reason, so I'm now pregnant and happy.

CA_EAM · December 2010

***haven't put up a ticker yet, as our surprise was just found out this weekend. I am only about 4 wks and that will put DS and #2 23 months apart.

Anyway, I already know that I will be asked "was it planned." While no, it really wasn't, that doesn't automatically make it a negative thing. So I think I will be responding to people with "Well we do know where babies come from" as a way of gently reminding them that they are pretty much asking about my sex life and that's not cool.

skio · December 2010

It's way inappropriate, IMO. It's no one's business whether the child you and your DH/SO are having together was planned or otherwise.

alioopsiedaisy · December 2010

LJR 84:
psubride1012:
I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.
Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!

I completely agree with you. I haven't told friends but I *KNOW* this question will come up. DH and I were just married in June, this took us by complete surprise (we were TTA and I thought I had it all figured out...lol).

I know I'm going to be angry when someone asks me this question because for me its a backhanded way of saying "You should have waited, why did you rush into this?"

I haven't decided how I'm planning on answering, but I know I'm not going to say "no, we were having unprotected sex but I was tracking my cycle and failed."

Temp856430000003146 · December 2010

I hate that question. I think if someone asks me that this time around I'm going to be rude and say that it's none of their business. I feel like essentially they're asking you if you wanted your child or if you're stuck with them.

forensicmama · December 2010

I think it's offensive. It's nobody's business what goes on in our bedroom. I got that question a lot when we had our daughter.

anukindaluv · December 2010

MrsBreezer80:
Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

This.

adrielegorburu · December 2010

very inappropriate IMO - I've been asked many many times - DH and I were married in May - and even though I'm 9 weeks and not showing I keep getting asked if its a honeymoon baby - ummm noooo! then of course the "was it planned" I just say - "we are very excited" with a butt out of my sex life face Huh?

BTW I hope to "Plan" the next one as soon as my doc says ok - I like the idea of 2u2 - I'll be out of diapers sooner than later and have seen so many siblings this close grow up together and learn from eachother - how fun to have them close enough to be more or less in the same stages together! My sis has two 14 months apart and her DS potty trained her DD - she wanted to be just like her brother! boom - no more dirty diapers!!

LindsE143 · December 2010

I personally think it's inappropriate, as they're basically asking me if my child was an accident. Also, it's none of their business! I have no idea how I'm going to answer though, so I'm in the same boat as you.

mrsmullins0500 · December 2010

I hate that question!!! I was wondering if maybe I was just overreacting by feeling like this was such a rude question to ask. Of course if it was a close friend that would be fine. I actually had a co-worker ask me in front of everyone else that works there!!! UGH Seriously how rude!!

lilmissdrury · December 2010

forensicmama:
I think it's offensive. It's nobody's business what goes on in our bedroom. I got that question a lot when we had our daughter.

Amen. I got asked by everyone under the sun - cashiers at stores especially. Do I know you? It's plain and simple none of anyone elses business but DH and I. It blows me away the things that come out of peoples mouths.

kate626 · December 2010

I am seriously getting irritated with getting asked this! Is it really your buisness? We got married at the end of June and when I told someone my due date they sat and figured out if I got pregnant before or after the wedding IN FRONT OF ME! I am getting sick of it... IT may not have been planned but this baby is certainly not an accident!

Vent over... THanks for listening

reesie4 · December 2010

Eh, I think it is kind of a rude question, like "Oh did you guys mess up on the ol' birth control somehow?" My mil made a weird comment when I told her that I am more sick than I was with ds and it is making my last few weeks of school kind of rough. I think she said "This wasn't a planned one was it?" I guess it was her tone of voice. NO, DH and I have had a plan for when to ttc for months, tyvm. I am sort of a control freak so I don't want anyone insinuating I had an "oops" haha. (my issue, nothing wrong with oopses! Stuff happens! )

I don't ask people, I figure they will tell me if they want me to know.

rbysliprs4 · December 2010

Extremely inappropriate. I would NEVER dare ask someone that.

alioopsiedaisy · December 2010

kate626:
I am seriously getting irritated with getting asked this! Is it really your buisness? We got married at the end of June and when I told someone my due date they sat and figured out if I got pregnant before or after the wedding IN FRONT OF ME! I am getting sick of it... IT may not have been planned but this baby is certainly not an accident!
Vent over... THanks for listening

Ugh I know this is exactly whats going to happen to me. At least don't count the weeks in front of me!

LJR 84 · December 2010

I think my response to most family is just going to be "yes" it was planned. As for all those obnoxious strangers, and others, they'll probably get the "why do you ask?" response.

11kacey · December 2010

LJR 84:
I think my response to most family is just going to be "yes" it was planned. As for all those obnoxious strangers, and others, they'll probably get the "why do you ask?" response.

My pregnancy wasn't planned and when people ask I will tell them the truth. I don't mind people knowing that we took a risk and we aren't too upset with the result.. in fact, we are thrilled. We were not being careful. So my response (to that question) comes with a cautionary tale to those who aren't trying. When NFP tells you to abstain for a certain period during your cycle until you KNOW your cycle.. listen to them! I couldn't believe I ovulated on cd 12 of a 30 day cycle, but I did. oh well. I'm extremely happy and the timing ended up being better than if we had waited.

flowerchild77 · December 2010

I find it a pointless, prying question. If I had wanted you to know about my sex life and/or lack of birth control methods I wouldve told you freely. But really now, wth are people supposed to reply to either answer? Like I said- pointless and prying.

kkwurn · December 2010

MrsBreezer80:
Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

I completely agree! I had someone from my husband's side that asked me if we were using protection... how is that appropriate? And I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them that we planned for them to be this close.

Britt & Scott · December 2010

MrsBreezer80:
Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

This! 100%

Soonergrlnks · December 2010

alioopsiedaisy:
LJR 84:
psubride1012:
I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.
Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!
I completely agree with you. I haven't told friends but I *KNOW* this question will come up. DH and I were just married in June, this took us by complete surprise (we were TTA and I thought I had it all figured out...lol).
I know I'm going to be angry when someone asks me this question because for me its a backhanded way of saying "You should have waited, why did you rush into this?"
I haven't decided how I'm planning on answering, but I know I'm not going to say "no, we were having unprotected sex but I was tracking my cycle and failed."

We too just got married (May) when we told my parents my dad said.....it's about time I just laughed and said "dad we have only been married 4 months." He smiled and said I KNOW.....then we found out that he wishes the baby would be born on his birthday (May 9). HE is a funny man and we were so glad they were extremely excited for us.

MamaMandaW · December 2010

tavia_martin:
I hate that question. I think if someone asks me that this time around I'm going to be rude and say that it's none of their business. I feel like essentially they're asking you if you wanted your child or if you're stuck with them.

This, and that's why it's rude to ask

mamainseptember · December 2010

I was pregnant through my second half of my junior year of college and not once did I get asked if it was an accident. I actually never got asked my entire pregnancy if he was "planned." hmmm haha but if I had I would have answered them honestly and told them no, he was not planned, but we love him just the same. I think it's weird people prying into something that doesn't affect their lives.

kmoses10 · December 2010

I hate this question. It is no ones business. If you and DH/SO are happy about it then the only reaction that should be acceptable is "Congrats!" It is not like the baby is going to be less important or less loved because it was a suprise. (In most cases)

Nutrguru · December 2010

I love this response. I do feel it is somewhat negetive,but this should silence them.... Big Smile

KatiKM · December 2010

It doesnt offend me...yet. But I don't really think it is anyones business.

Lets just say I wouldn't ask anyone.

adellesmama · December 2010

Yep, it's no one's business but your own...and what difference does it make to the person who's asking? They're not the one who's carrying and raising the child, so it should not even be a topic of conversation. People who ask this are just looking for an "I told you so..." way to feel superior to someone who might not have planned one of the most amazing things that can happen to a couple.

RMR13 · December 2010

I'm not bothered by this question but that's probably because our first was concieved while we were in college in seperate states, and I had negative pee tests even the week she started kicking, so I wont be surprised to hear it all the time.

haley&tony · December 2010

In some situations, it's not entirely inappropriate (for instance, your best friend or a sister that just knows you would have told her if you were planning it). In other situations i think that question directly reflects what the person asking it already thinks, or how they feel about you being pregnant. "You're DD is only 5 months old, surely this wasn't planned!" I also think that question is likely inevitable with certain family members.

If you question their intentions in asking, my response would be to say, "Why does it matter whether LO was planned or not?" Then, after potentially verifying their intentions verbally (or, at least watching them squirm), "We're so excited that DD will have a little brother or sister, and we can't wait to grow our little family."

If the question offends you, it's absolutely okay to simply say, "What an entirely inappropriate question." After all, they're basically asking you if you were planning on having sex.

luckysliter · December 2010

Luckily only my mother-in-law asked this. I will say though, if we come 3 days before our due date it will be one year to the date of mommy and daddy's first date. Yes, first date - Feb. 11 2010. LMP - May 10. Wedding - Sept. 4. Due - Feb 14 2011.

However I knew in March that I was fully in love with my DH, he is my other half. Yes, I went off my BC, I got laid off, I couldnt afford it. Yes I know how babies are made.

I think its inappropriate to ask. Whether it was planned or not, nothing will change it, we are pregnant, my belly moves by it self, we love eachother and we love this monster. And hey maybe the next one will be planned and not a "oh shoot how many weeks has it been now? 7? Really 7? Darn it".

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