How does everyone feel about this question? Appropriate? Inappropriate? I ask because I know for a *fact* that this question will be asked of us once we tell everyone that we're expecting #2. DD is 5 months old, so there will be about a 13 month age difference.
I personally don't think it's anyones business whether it was planned or not! I guess I 'm just thinking ahead a bit as far as how I plan on answering the question.
Thoughts?
Re: "Was it planned?"
Started TTC #1: July 2010 DX: PCOS
BFP: 12/5/10 Natural M/C: 12/17/10 (5w6d)
Cycle 10 - 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN
Cycle 11 - 50mg Clomid + IUI converted to TI = BFN
Cycle 12 - 50mg Clomid + IUI #1 = BFN
Cycle 13 - Clomid Break + Charting + Dr. Recommendations = BFN
Cycle 14 - Clomid Break + Charting + meeting with URO (all clear!) = BFP!!
Beta #1 - 105 Beta #2 - 336! 1st U/S (@5w4d)- gest. sac and yolk sac, measuring 5w2d 2nd U/S - 1/16 (will be 8w2d) Stick and grow, little bean! My Ovulation Chart
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I don't know why people think it's okay to basically ask you "Were you having unprotected sex?" How my sex life is any of their concern, who knows. (Doesn't help that I've only gotten this question from people we barely know who are rude, noisy people.)
A good way to deflect a question that you don't want to answer without being too blunt is saying "Why do you ask?" (But be prepared for Noisy McRuderson to not get the hint and launch into a speech about 2u2, you're going to have your hands full, ect ect)
Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
***haven't put up a ticker yet, as our surprise was just found out this weekend. I am only about 4 wks and that will put DS and #2 23 months apart.
Anyway, I already know that I will be asked "was it planned." While no, it really wasn't, that doesn't automatically make it a negative thing. So I think I will be responding to people with "Well we do know where babies come from" as a way of gently reminding them that they are pretty much asking about my sex life and that's not cool.
It's way inappropriate, IMO. It's no one's business whether the child you and your DH/SO are having together was planned or otherwise.
I completely agree with you. I haven't told friends but I *KNOW* this question will come up. DH and I were just married in June, this took us by complete surprise (we were TTA and I thought I had it all figured out...lol).
I know I'm going to be angry when someone asks me this question because for me its a backhanded way of saying "You should have waited, why did you rush into this?"
I haven't decided how I'm planning on answering, but I know I'm not going to say "no, we were having unprotected sex but I was tracking my cycle and failed."
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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This.
(c) Holly Aprecio Photography - Oct 2011
very inappropriate IMO - I've been asked many many times - DH and I were married in May - and even though I'm 9 weeks and not showing I keep getting asked if its a honeymoon baby - ummm noooo! then of course the "was it planned" I just say - "we are very excited" with a butt out of my sex life face
BTW I hope to "Plan" the next one as soon as my doc says ok - I like the idea of 2u2 - I'll be out of diapers sooner than later and have seen so many siblings this close grow up together and learn from eachother - how fun to have them close enough to be more or less in the same stages together! My sis has two 14 months apart and her DS potty trained her DD - she wanted to be just like her brother! boom - no more dirty diapers!!
I hate that question!!! I was wondering if maybe I was just overreacting by feeling like this was such a rude question to ask. Of course if it was a close friend that would be fine. I actually had a co-worker ask me in front of everyone else that works there!!! UGH Seriously how rude!!
Amen. I got asked by everyone under the sun - cashiers at stores especially. Do I know you? It's plain and simple none of anyone elses business but DH and I. It blows me away the things that come out of peoples mouths.
I am seriously getting irritated with getting asked this! Is it really your buisness? We got married at the end of June and when I told someone my due date they sat and figured out if I got pregnant before or after the wedding IN FRONT OF ME! I am getting sick of it... IT may not have been planned but this baby is certainly not an accident!
Vent over... THanks for listening
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Eh, I think it is kind of a rude question, like "Oh did you guys mess up on the ol' birth control somehow?" My mil made a weird comment when I told her that I am more sick than I was with ds and it is making my last few weeks of school kind of rough. I think she said "This wasn't a planned one was it?" I guess it was her tone of voice. NO, DH and I have had a plan for when to ttc for months, tyvm. I am sort of a control freak so I don't want anyone insinuating I had an "oops" haha. (my issue, nothing wrong with oopses! Stuff happens! )
I don't ask people, I figure they will tell me if they want me to know.
Ugh I know this is exactly whats going to happen to me. At least don't count the weeks in front of me!
My pregnancy wasn't planned and when people ask I will tell them the truth. I don't mind people knowing that we took a risk and we aren't too upset with the result.. in fact, we are thrilled. We were not being careful. So my response (to that question) comes with a cautionary tale to those who aren't trying. When NFP tells you to abstain for a certain period during your cycle until you KNOW your cycle.. listen to them! I couldn't believe I ovulated on cd 12 of a 30 day cycle, but I did. oh well. I'm extremely happy and the timing ended up being better than if we had waited.
I completely agree! I had someone from my husband's side that asked me if we were using protection... how is that appropriate? And I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them that we planned for them to be this close.
We too just got married (May) when we told my parents my dad said.....it's about time I just laughed and said "dad we have only been married 4 months." He smiled and said I KNOW.....then we found out that he wishes the baby would be born on his birthday (May 9). HE is a funny man and we were so glad they were extremely excited for us.
This, and that's why it's rude to ask
It doesnt offend me...yet. But I don't really think it is anyones business.
Lets just say I wouldn't ask anyone.
In some situations, it's not entirely inappropriate (for instance, your best friend or a sister that just knows you would have told her if you were planning it). In other situations i think that question directly reflects what the person asking it already thinks, or how they feel about you being pregnant. "You're DD is only 5 months old, surely this wasn't planned!" I also think that question is likely inevitable with certain family members.
If you question their intentions in asking, my response would be to say, "Why does it matter whether LO was planned or not?" Then, after potentially verifying their intentions verbally (or, at least watching them squirm), "We're so excited that DD will have a little brother or sister, and we can't wait to grow our little family."
If the question offends you, it's absolutely okay to simply say, "What an entirely inappropriate question." After all, they're basically asking you if you were planning on having sex.
Luckily only my mother-in-law asked this. I will say though, if we come 3 days before our due date it will be one year to the date of mommy and daddy's first date. Yes, first date - Feb. 11 2010. LMP - May 10. Wedding - Sept. 4. Due - Feb 14 2011.
However I knew in March that I was fully in love with my DH, he is my other half. Yes, I went off my BC, I got laid off, I couldnt afford it. Yes I know how babies are made.
I think its inappropriate to ask. Whether it was planned or not, nothing will change it, we are pregnant, my belly moves by it self, we love eachother and we love this monster. And hey maybe the next one will be planned and not a "oh shoot how many weeks has it been now? 7? Really 7? Darn it".