I was diagnosed with depression & OCD 3 or 4 years ago. I was on Prozac for a year until I could get my OCD in check, at which point I was weaned off.
My pregnancy was unplanned. My husband and I had no intentions of having children for at least 3 or 4 more years, if at all. It took me a very long time to come to grips with being pregnant. I fell into a deep depression and had a great deal of anger and resentment directed at my husband (I'm pro-choice, he's pro-life and I felt guilted into keeping the baby). During the second trimester my doctor and I finally decided that I wasn't getting any better and that going back on Prozac was probably the best course of action. It was. I was able to somewhat "enjoy" the second half of my pregnancy and accept the fact that life was going to change and it didn't have to be the end of the world.
I gave birth to my son on November 18th (right on his due date actually) after a very very long and difficult labor. Toward the end of labor my doctor and nurse kept trying to encourage me by telling me that he would be here soon etc etc, but all I could think was "I don't care -- get him out so I can go eat something and go to sleep." Obviously that was a bit of a red flag.
Since then I kind of feel like I'm just going through the motions. No highs or lows. I haven't been able to say that I love my LO. I just can't get the words out. Obviously I'm fond of him, attached to him and I even feel protective over him, but I don't know if I can honestly say that I love him yet. I don't feel bonded to him and it's really bothering me. I feel like there's something wrong with me. My parents are completely smitten as is my husband, but I just don't feel it.
I change his diapers, feed him, talk to him, take care of him, and yet I feel a noticeable lack of... feeling. Which brings out the guilt. I know that bonding isn't always instantaneous, but people never talk about that. It's frustrating to feel alone in this. And although my husband is a wonderful man and is trying to be understanding, I can tell it's worrisome to him and he really just doesn't understand how I could not be absolutely in love with our child.
I'm still taking Prozac, but I'm on a very low dose (20 mg), so I think I'm going to talk with my doctor about increasing my dosage to try and get things in check. For a normally emotional creature such as myself, the lack of feeling is particularly disconcerting.
Wish me luck!