Soooo.....how long does this 'defiance' last?!

MrsMGR · December 2010

OMG....Joe was in a terrible mood this morning!! Kept screaming "Mommy, you are BAD!" "You are not very good" and refusing to eat breakfast, get dressed, get in the car. OMG.....seriously. Please tell me it won't be like this until he is 4!! I will tell you that I am learning patience and tolerance though.

What do yall do when they get in those moods?? I just listened to him and then hugged him and told him I loved him. I had no other ideas.....

savannah11 · December 2010

*sigh* I wish I new. It's been going on for two years now with O. Every morning feels like a battle. We did set up a solid routine. He has to get dressed before he can go downstairs and then he has to eat before he can play. If he takes up too much time doing either he misses out on play time. Some mornings he still doesn't care but most of the time it helps move things along. He knows there is no negotiation.

TexasHarmony · December 2010

HA! You don't want my answer!!!

charlotteL · December 2010

At 4 Joshua still does it. Not nearly as often as it used to be. Big Smile

KKMMex · December 2010

I'm sorry you're dealing with this - the 3s are no fun at all. Now try to imagine dealing with Joe while he's like that and also managing an infant. It will drive you to drink!

Towards age 5 I've noticed improvements. DD#1 is definitely easier to deal with. But mornings are still hard for us. Now DD#2 has become defiant and hard to manage so I feel like I'm going to be dealing with it forever. But at least this time I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

darva · December 2010

TexasHarmony:
HA! You don't want my answer!!!

Mine either. At 4.5, it's at its worst.

Maybe it's a girl thing.

SigmundsGirl · December 2010

A friend of mine has 2 boys (8 and 5) and she says that some morning are still like that. Maybe it gets better when they want to get out of the house.

M&M614 · December 2010

Mia is 4. If you looked up defiant in the dictionary, you'd find her picture.

I'm so sorry.

michellebelle · December 2010

It has started getting better in our house.

Our strategy for dealing with that persistent defiant behavior is to tell M that she needs to speak respectfully, which does not involve yelling. If she continues to yell, I tell her she has one last chance to calm down or she is going to her room. If she keeps it up, I pick her up, put her in her bed, and close the door.

She would start to come out and start it up again, and I would simply walk her back (or carry her if I had to) and repeat until she gave up.

When I learned she was doing that at school too, I gave the teacher a piece of paper that had an eye inside one of those circles with a line through it (like no-eye) and then an ear in the same circle with a line (no ear) = and then a TV inside a circle with a line. In other words, no looking eyes and no listening ears = no TV. I told her teacher to show it to her and remind her up to 3 times a day. After the 3rd time, I wanted a note that Maddie wasn't listening.

She loves her TV shows at night. So all that took was one night of enforcing no TV and that behavior stopped. We still occasionally have fits where she goes to her room, but the threat of no TV works like a charm.

You need to find a consequence.

He is choosing to act that way and you have to show it is not acceptable (quoting Super Nanny).

Good luck!

ETA - if she is uncooperative in the morning I tell her I'm going to put a note up to remind me she gets no TV that night.

Enforcing that note was all it took and she now remembers if she does not cooperate in the mornings by eating her cereal, getting dressed, letting me do her hair on time, etc. she'll have that consequence.

What also works is guilt. I told her if she doesn't cooperate Mommy will get put in time out at work for being late, and I'll be very very sad when I get home. She doesn't want me to get put in time out so she usually cooperates after that. If she still pushes, I go back to the "no TV" warning which is my failsafe.

michellebelle · December 2010

Oh and as a follow up, there is also positive parenting rather than consequence/punishment.

Melissa & Doug have a cute rewards chart that uses magnets. We have one. There are magnet "chores" for just about everything. If your difficult time is mornings, you could use the one for cereal, clothing, and maybe something about being nice. If he is cooperative and polite he can get a smiley magnet for each of those behaviors. If he gets a full week of smilies you could take him to the dollar store or the dollar bin at Target for a toy or prize.

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Soooo.....how long does this 'defiance' last?!

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