Why is it easier for him?

malindasuern · November 2010

So its almost been two weeks....and I am still not doing good. I don't want to leave the house. Only if DF is with me. I work tonight and don't want to get out of bed until I have to. And there's a big chance I get to work with the nurse I don't get along with. DF tells me today I need to get a hobby. Like a hobby is going to make everything ok? I know that I'm way more of an emotional person then him, but its like he's moved on already. I just want it to stop hurting. I want to be excited about my wedding but I just can't. I want to be pregnant again.

TigerFan · November 2010

Sort of went through the same thing with DH. You spent all day long thinking about being pregnant and carrying the baby, they didn't. You still relive the m/c and they don't. I honestly think it boils down to a guy vs. girl thing.

tdmd09 · November 2010

I have the same issues with my DH. It seemed like he was over it almost immediately, or would make comments like "Well at least it was early" or "We can try again" which really didn't make me feel any better. To him, though, all he saw was the "little ball of cells" he saw on the u/s.. it wasn't really a baby to him yet. Whereas I was the one with the sore boobs and the nausea and the food aversions and the bloat... it was much more real to me.

rowanleaves · November 2010

I decided to continue the quilt I was making for our baby, and it has helped me focus on the future, and I think it centers me. It might be good for you to find something like that too. I know it sounds weird, but to have something for your hands to do makes a huge difference.

lkfdp · November 2010

When we were in the ER Sunday night and the Dr. came in to give us the news that there was no heartbeat, one of the first things he said to my husband was something like "As men we can't fully understand, but your wife will carry this baby in her heart the rest of her life." I don't know why that line makes me so emotional, probably because it is true, but I think that helped him understand a lot better.

alexa08 · November 2010

I have spent a lot of time sewing Christmas gifts over the past week and it's given me something to focus on that's not baby related. I find that getting out of the house to do something, a walk, run errands, etc. helps get my mind off how sad I feel. I know it's hard, I've been really depressed too this past week. Good luck to you.

mkwt · November 2010

Oh I know exactly how you feel, I honestly thought that my DH did not even care about the baby. So on Sunday (my worst day) I just asked him if he was sad, and he said of course honey, it hurts me too. I told him that the way he was acting made me feel like he did not even care and that he was being insensitive to my needs and how I felt. Needless, I regretted the statement and he cried, I guess because I hurt his feelings. The only way I can explain it that he is not reacting the way I think he should react and that is not fair to him. I agree that it is guys vs girls way of thinking. Try to give him a little bit of break, my DH said the sames things to me "We know we can make a baby", or "We can try again" and it hurts and aggravates me. I just try to realize that he is dealing in his own way, my way is crying.

LisaBVH · November 2010

Understand what you're going through. My hubby finally broke down and talked about everything last weekend. He kept telling me that he was trying to stay strong for me since I was having such a hard time with everything. Maybe your hubby is doing the same...just give him time and I'm sure he'll open up about it. My hubby said the same things like "well at least we know we can get pregnant" and "it'll happen again". I feel our husbands try to be so strong for us that it takes a little more time for them to adjust. Just so thankful I have my best friend to deal will all that has been going on! Sometimes feel I want to trade him in, but could never do that! lol

BluBelle09 · November 2010

I completely understand what you are going through as well. My DH said the same thing to me the other day " well now we know that we can get pregnant and at least its not me." I just wanted to slap him. We have a couple cats and as soon as we found out that I was PG (before the M/C) he was cleaning the litter box. Well then the other day before we left town to go to his parents for the holiday he said we need to be sure to clean the litter box. I told him to just scoop all the clumps out and they will be fine. He was like "you scoop it better than I do" and I had only m/c a day or two prior. So needless to say I fired back with the comment of " fine I am not PG anymore I'll just do it" and that just made him feel horrible and I just started crying. M emotions are still all over the place and I am now going on almost 2 wks and still having cramping and light bleeding. I wish this would be all over with so that I can move on and not relive the pain of losing my first baby.

Sweet Artistmouse · December 2010

LauraDances815:
When we were in the ER Sunday night and the Dr. came in to give us the news that there was no heartbeat, one of the first things he said to my husband was something like "As men we can't fully understand, but your wife will carry this baby in her heart the rest of her life." I don't know why that line makes me so emotional, probably because it is true, but I think that helped him understand a lot better.

What the doc said is so true.

A friend of mine whose been through two miscarriages (and now has two beautiful children) put it this way: women bond with babies in the womb in a different way from men. In our minds we become mothers, doing anything we can to protect our growing babies, when we find out that we're pregnant.

ambs21 · December 2010

My husband is the same way. He was so great and supportive for a day or so, then he seemed to just want to move on. It's just not the same for him. Everything I've read says that a woman becomes a mom from the time she finds she's pregnant, but a man doesn't become a dad until the birth of his child. I think it does make them sad, but it's not the same sort of loss for them. The "we'll have more" statements are probably encouraging in their minds. I do want more, but there is no replacing these babies. They are gone, and I will always miss them. I'm trying to be understanding with my DH. I know he is trying to be encouraging. He can't possibly know what it feels like to carry babies and lose them. I hope you find comfort and are able to take joy in your wedding. Here's hoping we'll both be pregnant again soon. T&P.

Want a personalized experience?

Why is it easier for him?

Re: Why is it easier for him?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards