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Preemies
Thoughts on NICU Christmas
With the holiday's coming up DH and I are struggling to know what to do...
1. We have favorite nurses but sometimes get different nurses here and there. Also, the girls have pretty extensive team of Respiratory Therapists, Dr's, NP, and Cardiologists. So, how can we thank everyone around Christmas ? What did you do/or going to do? Would you do something more for the special nurses?
2. DH and I are going back and forth. I think our girls are beautiful even with all the tubes and such. I realize putting that on a christmas card may be weird to some and so unless they get off the vent and they dont have iv's in both arms and such before christmas we probably wont do a card this year with their photo. However, I wanted to frame pictures of the girls for the grandparents. DH thinks that this is not a good idea since they are fighting for their lives. I think again that this is our situation and where we are coming from so it is okay. What are your thoughts? Is it okay to give the photos in frames to the g-parents or would you wait it out like we are doing with the cards.
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Re: Thoughts on NICU Christmas
We were in the NICU for 4 months, but not during the holidays. We had primary nurses assigned to us (3). It is our belief that the 3 nurses just went above and beyond call of duty and that Noah wouldn't have done as well if he had someone else. They got pretty attached to Noah. We wanted to give them something special before we left, but just got them a card and wrote them a letter and added special Halloween candy (we left several days before Halloween). They really appreciated it-we were also told that the nurses can't take gifts from patients or their family.
As for the Christmas card, we didn't send out a birth announcement for Noah for that reason. There is a part of me that wanted to believe that friends and family wouldn't be so harsh in comments, but I knew that it wasn't reality, We have people in both sides who I know would say something irritating that would get me mad, so we decided not to. When Noah turned a year old, I sent out "birth announcements" that stated when he was born, length, weight and the day he came home with the length and weight with that as well. It had a pic of him when he was born and when he came home.
Hope that helps!
We didn't do christmas cards for the past 2 years. I didn't have any extra energy to give to them, nor did I want to spend the money to send them at the time. This year I'm feeling up to it again, so they'll go out.
I'm trying to think of what I might have liked to do if Evan was in NICU during christmas, and with some hind sight to my advantage. Honestly I think I'd like to make a baby's first christmas ornament. Something like this https://www.amazon.com/Pear-Head-50010-Pearhead-Babyprints/dp/B0012V3OOU/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1291086086&sr=8-11 on christmas day for DH and I.
If the nurses/doctors thought it wouldn't hurt the babies. I actually think it might make a pretty cool gift for the grand parents too.
We were in the NICU last year. I bought something for the whole floor...you don't know who is watching your little ones when you aren't around, and my husband (who worked as a nurse) told me that floor gifts are appreciated because the group really does cover for each other and work as a team, even if you don't see it all.
As for the pictures, why not hold off and wait a bit. You can always send empty frames with a promise note or with footprints done. I have pictures of the girls while they were in the NICU, but I don't always like looking at them because they bring back memories. Photos should remind you of happy times, so maybe taking a family pictures on discharge day or something.
I always find that baked goods or some edible is the way to go. When we left the NICU I brought in a baked apple pie from a local bakery to the NICU and a card. Thanking them for all their love, support, work, etc.
As for Christmas card or photos of the girls for grandparents. We had photos done of DD the day before she came home from the NICU. A photographer came in a took the pictures, positioned her IV line well enough, so you can't see it. I would probably wait until the babies came home from the hospital before sending photos to family and friends.
Check with your favorite nurse to see if they're even allowed to accept gifts- some hospitals don't allow them to. If they do I think something nice for the NICU (a large basket of cookies, for example) is nice. I would send personal notes to the nurses you are closest to- honestly, I think that would mean the most to them. They have a very difficult job and I think that a nice note to say how much they've touched you is a great reminder of why they do that job in the first place.
As far as pictures, I agree with PP who said that you want to capture good memories. I have a hard time looking at pictures of DD even when she was 2 months old because she was so small and sickly looking. For the grandparents I would go with the suggestion for a frame with their footprints. I would also suggest that maybe you could try doing some shots that are more artistic if you'd like to send them out to family- their small feet, little hands, etc. I think they can be just as beautiful and powerful.
We weren't there over the holidays, but we brought a big fruit and cheese tray for the morning and night shifts during our stay to say thanks. They were allowed to keep it in their break room area and everyone could enjoy it.
With respect to pictures, I think it just depends on what the gps want. I didn't think my FIL would want pictures of him b/c he's such a worrier and would be freaked out by the wires and everything. To my surprise, he demanded my MIL to take some, and then he printed out a bunch and made magnets for the fridge, even with his OG tube and CPAP on him and everything. He was just so proud of him (he could never visit in the NICU b/c he had walking pneumonia for a long time). Have the gp's seen the girls/pics of the girls yet? Do you know their reaction? I think there's nothing wrong with it but wouldn't give them if I knew they'd had a bad reaction before.
We were in the NICU last Christmas. For our "special" nurses, we did get them a nice gift but gave it to them discreetly, and not in the NICU (in the cafeteria). We also bought some Christmas cookies from a local bakery for the whole staff for their breakroom.
As for Christmas cards, we did those too. Right or wrong, our daughter and how she looked (NG tube, nasal cannula, small size) was ours and we were proud of her (and us!) no matter what. So, we had one of the nurses take a picture of the three of us and cards went out like that. For us, "it is what it is"....
We weren't there over the holidays, but I like the big cookie tray idea, along with notes to the nurses/respiratory therapists/drs that have been particulary kind.
For announcements, we waited until our daughter was home to take pictures and send them. I like the idea idea of taking close ups of little hands and feet, and using those for christmas cards/grandparents. Personally I still have a hard time looking at pictures with all the tubes, etc, it does bring back scary memories.
Our son is a 24 weeker. He was born on Oct. 2nd. I've been bringing in bags of candy from the get go for all the staff taking care of him. My mom sewed him a little Santa outfit and my sister knitted him a Santa hat and that was our Christmas card. We have a lot of people praying for him so everyone was excited to get the cards.
Here's the link:
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/reidharris/photos
But for me life seems hard enough, I try to grab what joy I can. And any time I have with my son is a gift.
Good luck with your decision.
I agree with this poster, especially about the part I bolded. I know it's tough for people to grasp babies with wires, especially in a Christmas card, but they're miracles and if they don't like it they don't have to look at it. The fact that you thought of them and their family during this rough time is thoughtful and sometimes people can't look past that and I wish I could understand why. I had my aunt get freaked out that she had to come to my baby shower in the hospital. Well...I'm in the hospital and I'm going to make the best out of it so she can get over it. Sorry it doesn't meet up to her expectations. Anyway, I was going to possibly make little home-made cookies for the nurses, especially the ones in antepartum since they've been taking care of me for 2 1/2 months. I was also going to take pictures of Jackson in the NICU when he's delivered to give to the grandparents. He may not have to stay past Christmas with any luck, depends on his health at 34 weeks, but I still want pictures of him