ER last night, joining you.

I went to the ER last night and the Dr. found no heartbeat.  Here is my short/long story:

I went in for my first Dr. appointment when I thought I was 7 weeks along.  The dr. did an ultrasound and I measured 6 weeks, which she said was probably just because I have long cycles.  Nothing to worry about.  We saw a strong heartbeat.

I got some blood work done which came back as me having low progesterone.  I was put on Crinone (a vaginal suppository) once a day for 3 weeks. 

Tomorrow (Monday) was supposed to be my last day on the medicine and I was scheduled for my 10 week appointment this Thursday.

On Friday, I went shopping for a bit and started getting a dull cramp/ache in my left side.  It was not bad at all, I certainly had worse cramps so far in the pregnancy.  It felt completely fine once I laid down.  However, in the evening I started noticing more pinkish/brownish discharge.  The dr. said this was normal, probably irritation from the Crinone.  Saturday it got a little worse, but not terrible.  Then this evening (Sunday) around 8:00, I started bleeding bright red blood that would not stop.  I has a few clots.  The dr. told me to go to the ER and I did.  

 I got in right away, they took blood samples, gave me an IV and put in a catheder (so uncomfortable).  They did an ultrasound and the Dr. came in and said the baby had no heartbeat.  We are home now and it is midnight our time.  It was a lot of hurry up and wait, the ER staff was very nice. I am going to the OBGYN tomorrow and they will either give me medicine or do a D&C, I am not sure which I prefer if given the option. 

The scary part about this is, I had NO SYMPTOMS.  I still feel fine (other then emotionally in turmoil).  No cramping, dizziness, etc.  I did feel like something was "off" Sunday morning, but that was it.  I thought it was just because I had some BM's the other day.

Since last night there are times where I just break down and cry, other times where I just feel fine.  I don't know why, but I had a feeling since the beginning that this was going to happen.  Just intuition I guess.  Right now I feel a combination of sadness, grief, shame, etc. I feel like i have nothing to look forward to now.

I am going to OBGYN today.  I am not sure if they are going to suggest a D&C or not, but I just want this to be over NOW.