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I can't win with this woman.

Squishycheeks*Squishycheeks*
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

My MIL that is.

Me and DH decided that we wanted at least a week after the baby is born without overnight company. Our house is small and when I have to get up at night I'm pretty much stuck in our bedroom if we have anyone sleeping over, unless they want to be woken up every time as well.

Also, since I'm still nursing DD I want a little time to work on tandem nursing without having to have a cover or hide out in our room. I'm pro-NIP, but I just want to be comfortable in my own home and nursing without a cover is easiest.

This seemed pretty easy to understand, except when it came to MIL. She flipped out on DH when he told her. We didn't ask her to stay away, but we asked that if she wanted to plan her visit immediately after the birth that she stay somewhere other than our house. I even had family offer to let her stay, but that wasn't good enough for her.

After her and DH's argument, and a nasty text from her, I called her determined to work things out.

She was super nice to me on the phone, very understanding, all around pleasant. 

Well, what I didn't know is that she decided to tell DH that she wasn't going to visit because we treated her badly the last time. After DD was born she showed up unannounced for a visit with DH's brother and they did nothing but watch t.v., whine about being bored, and nit pick every decision DH and I made. DH told them off and she hasn't gotten over it.

We've been married a little over two years and sometimes I worry how much crap the future holds... :( 

 

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Re: I can't win with this woman.

  • Shayna0182Shayna0182 member
    Stick to your guns.  You've already been burned once when she showed up after your dd was born, and then was an a$$.   I completely agree with you.
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  • sarcole530sarcole530
    Ohh honey, I hear ya. This sounds just like my MIL. All I can say is, be sure you and DH are on the same page (it sounds like you are). That will make things a lot easier. And stick to your original decision. You 100% have every right to not wanting over night company for very legitimate reasons. If she can't accept and understand your wishes, she SHOULD stay away.
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    The important part is that it appears DH is on the same page as you. GOOD. 

    Honestly, if I had a really small house (well, actually, I do!), I wouldn't be having ANY overnight guests while dealing w/ a newborn and another child for quite awhile - well over a week. Probably a couple months. 

    Let her stew.  this isn't about you winning.  She's upset and she's allowed to be.  But that doesn't mean you have to give in to her at all.  She's dealing w/ the consequences of her actions and she's acting like a child in response.

    That's all on her. Not you!

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • LoveEeyoreLoveEeyore member

    SO sorry.  When I was pregnant with the twins we went through something similar except mine is 10 minutes from us.  We had our niece and nephew visiting part of the summer and I emailed and asked MIL if they (her teen age grandchildren) could go stay with her a few days when the twins were born b/c I didn't know how comfortable I'd be with company while learning to nurse twins and not knowing how recovery would be.  She wrote back nicely, of course, she loves to have them blah.... and then proceeded to complain to the whole family that I ddn't want her around or to come see the babies and off she went to the beach the entire month of their due date.  To punish us.  LOL.

    I can tell you this.  I tried writing letters to explain my perspectice and how I wanted to be close like we used to be before the kids.  I initiated and went to "couples therapy" with her to try to improve our communication.  I tried being overly nice I tried being cold.  Nothing improved it.  She wouldn't even respond to an email inviting her to come over.  SO I stopped.  It all. And DH is now responsible for all "handling her."  When I see her we chat superficially, but kindly, then she runs out and complains what a b!tch I was.  I can not win.  I can not come out even.  I can only stop expending energy into it and leave it to him.  That's my recommendation.  Good luck!

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