Would your DH

mom2one · May 2010

give up time for no child support obligation? Just wondering where everyone stands on that...and how many would actually do it. (Not talking about giving up parental rights, just a couple weeks a year of visitation)

karatechrissy · May 2010

He wouldn't think of giving up time for less money for a minute. We just had this 'conversation' with BM where she thinks the two are linked. They are two completely different things. What you pay has nothing to do with how much time you can have with your child (at least in a 50/50 split, I cant speak for sole custody holders). My DH was disgusted when BM suggested this. My DH would love more time with SS, but he also knows that he needs time with his mom. Time with both parents is important. (unless there extenuating circumstances, i.e. abuse, neglect, general lack of wanting to parent, living in different states, etc...)

mom2one · May 2010

That would be my thought too...I am curious if everyone else feels that way.

duchessofdeuce · May 2010

Hell No. He wouldn't give up time with his kids for the world.

amiek07 · May 2010

karatechrissy:
He wouldn't think of giving up time for less money for a minute. We just had this 'conversation' with BM where she thinks the two are linked. They are two completely different things. What you pay has nothing to do with how much time you can have with your child (at least in a 50/50 split, I cant speak for sole custody holders). My DH was disgusted when BM suggested this. My DH would love more time with SS, but he also knows that he needs time with his mom. Time with both parents is important. (unless there extenuating circumstances, i.e. abuse, neglect, general lack of wanting to parent, living in different states, etc...)

We also had this fight with BM earlier this year. She asked DH if he would just rather not see the kids so he didn't have to pay child support (he had filed to have it lowered while he was unemployed). After he said no he definitely wanted to see the kids, she said well I will ask them what if they still want to come over. She doesn't get they aren't related either.

We would never choose to lose time to not pay child support, we don't get enough time as it is!

Littlejen22 · May 2010

mom2one:
That would be my thought too...I am curious if everyone else feels that way.

Honestly, I think that some people would but no one that wishes to come here again will admit if it is them or their DH!

Erin0922 · May 2010

No. As it is, we usually have to give her EXTRA in order to get to see SS. Annoying.

mom2one · May 2010

Littlejen22:
mom2one:
That would be my thought too...I am curious if everyone else feels that way.

Honestly, I think that some people would but no one that wishes to come here again will admit if it is them or their DH!

Oh I know there are some that would. I don't think anyone will say it though.

sabrina69barnes · May 2010

There is no way my DH would but he would agree to pay more to get more time with the kids. BM considered it until she talked to a lawyer. BF on the other hand is willing to sign away his rights so he doesn't have to pay child support.

J&A2008 · May 2010

BM did. She told us she would stop fighting for custody if we let her off the hook for c/s. We did, and she did.

ETA: DH - HELL no, he wouldn't, not even if BM were semi-sane.

SWmama · May 2010

Nope. He wouldn't even consider it.

littlestbear03 · May 2010

Never, he has been fighting for more time.

And CS and parenting time should never be related together.

CurlyQ284 · May 2010

I think the majority of the SMs here are highly involved with their Skids, so this isn't really a random sample. If you started calling random houses from court records, I'm sure a lot of guys would say "heck yes! where do I sign?" When DH went to court to fight for more visitation, the guy next to him kept asking DH if he thought the judge would send him to jail for $15K back support and this was his third summons for the issue. He would probably say yes. BUT the SMs here (and therefore husbands) seem to be more involved, the fact that the ladies here care enough to get advice on anything from a BF board proves that they're involved more so than someone who doesn't care about their kids. MOSTLY anyways.

My DH would definitely not. When questions like this get asked on the board I usually ask him directly to get his "real" answer. I'm not going to ask him this time cause he'll yell at me if I ask him that and he doesn't know it's a BF board question.

Ilumine · May 2010

As Curly said, this is probably the wrong board to get a good sampling. We come here BECAUSE our husbands are in our SKids lives.

DH is actually PAYING BM 40$ a month to pay for HER internet so she can e-mail SS once every couple of weeks. And even though her correspondences are from her work 90% of the time, he won't stop sending it so SS will have internet access when he goes back to visit.

circe811 · May 2010

Absolutely not. She is his child.

mom2one · May 2010

Yeah...I am glad the dads here are mostly good ones!!

MrsHK · May 2010

My dad did quite the opposite. In order to take custody of my younger brother he agreed to continue paying BM support. BM never really bothered to see my brother much after that. All she was concerned about was getting her check. She still got the check AND didn't have to be bothered with kids, I think she thought she hit the jackpot.

JThomas221 · May 2010

I agree with Curly and Illumine. The families on this board are just not a good sample. Furthermore, I think if anyone's DH had a temporary lapse of sanity and even THOUGHT about agreeing to it, I think most SM's would step in and shut that thought down immediately. As for my specific situation, I have actually thought to myself in the past that I would be willing to pay more toward CS if we could see Skids more. It's just ridiculous how little we see them during the school year. (EOW)

fireflyone · May 2010

I almost think my ex would think about it if he wasn't so worried about what others would think of him.

Phantomgirl · May 2010

BM got pg on a ONS when my Fi was 22. He got back with his gf of 5 years just before he found out. He took BM to court for a paternity test and visitation and it caused his relationship to break up. He moved home to provide a stable home for SS had has NEVER missed a single visitation or CS payment in 8 years.

Would he now give up his time and relationship with his son to save a couple bucks - NO.

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · May 2010

Yeah. No. We don't rent the kids on an hourly basis or something.

JThomas221 · May 2010

shortyred919:
Yeah. No. We don't rent the kids on an hourly basis or something.

Ha! So true, but funny the way you put it. Stick out tongue

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