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Austin Babies
NJinAustin
member
MIL/DH vent - swaddle opinion
NJinAustin
member
Our DS is not a fussy baby but, we've been swaddling him since day one and it really works. It triggers "it's sleep time" whenever we do it. Up until a few days ago... it hasn't seemed to be a problem btwn me and DH that we do this.
But, over the course of a few days and comments from my MIL questioning if DS is too hot (and did I know it can be a cause of SIDS... yes, I knew that), her friend asking me, "You STILL swaddle him?" and then when I'm wasn't around... MIL again commenting about him being too hot and then MIL and DH together loosening his swaddle (my visiting mom was in room and later told me).
NOW, tonight... DH refused to swaddle him snuggly and proceeded to take the swaddle entirely OFF - because he was too hot - when he didn't want to hold DS anymore and put him down in the crib... which triggered DS to wake up and want to nurse... throwing him off schedule.
I'm pissed MIL has influenced DH to make a decision about DS and yet, no one checked in with me about this. And now, I'm just waiting for the next thing that MIL will think needs to change... and instead of talking to both of us... it will passive aggressively happen via DH.
I'm pissed at DH for following MIL's "advice" and not consulting me. I'm pissed he didn't think about that taking the swaddle off entirely would trigger DS to wake up. I'm pissed he didn't just put DS in a cooler outfit and then reswaddle him.
We're 6 weeks in to being parents, he's cranky with his "lack of sleep" and all the new changes/demands on him... and my mom staying with us for 2 weeks isn't helping him (but, he's not complaining about finally getting real meals at night)... but... don't mess with the way our baby goes to sleep!!
End of vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL/DH vent - swaddle opinion
I'm sorry. This will be the first of many parenting battles/decisions you'll have with your DH. Might as well work your way through it with your DH and share some of what you've shared with us, with him.
FWIW, we swaddled with the Miracle Blanket up until DS rolled over in it - so way longer than 6 weeks. We credit the Miracle Blanket with getting our DS to sleep through the night at a way early age. Love the swaddle at our house. And, as you know, babies can't regulate their temperatures very well so even if the grownups feel warm, the babies need extra wrapping/clothes. You can always put the baby in just a diaper or diaper/onesie, and then swaddle from there.
And while most people don't recommend talking to MIL yourself, but rather having your DH do it, I'm one for speaking my mind with my ILs (I don't care if they don't like me). So if it were me, I'd be having a conversation about this with MIL, too.
I agree with just about everything Taffy said! I like you, Taffy, we're on the same wave length.
We swaddle DD up until about 2 weeks ago, which was when we found her face down in the morning. In fact, she was even being swaddled in the middle of the summer. Now we just have her in a wearable blanket at night.
We bought a clipable fan that we clipped to the side of her crib. We put it on low every night and turned it in her direction so that she got the extra air movement in the inside of the crib. Worked well for us and I think she even slept a little better because she wasn't *so* hot at night.
Welcome to the passive/agressive club! I am currently there with you. In fact, it has been a rough couple of days around here again. Hang in there and do what you think is right. I would try to talk to DH away from his mother about his change.
And, FWIW, I came on here about that same age to ask about the swaddle bc my MIL stated that the babies didnt need it. DH told her (after I shared what the great ladies shared here) that it was normal to do the swaddle and just to dress in lighter clothes. We went back to the swaddle!
Married and it feels so good!
FWIW, DD was swaddled until she was 6 months old.
The Blog
I am a complete and total swaddle advocate. Elena was swaddled fully FOREVER (6 months? 8 months? something long like that), and I let her arms out and swaddled her legs up until she was a year old. She just loved being snug as a bug in a rug.
I did have to fight my own Mom on it. She was worried about the girls' arm strength development and what not. She mentioned it ALL the time.
It will definitely warrant a conversation with your DH, but try not to get too upset and make it all about his mom - which could cause defensiveness. I'd try to lay out the facts -- look, it works real well for our LO and LO doesn't wake up all sweaty and out of sorts. And you can get Happiest Baby on the Block too which will explain it all in terms hopefully both your DH and your MIL can understand.
6-yr-old Elena and 4-yr-old Julia.
My Blog! All about my girls and quilting
ditto everyone else. Yes, you have to pick your battles, but when it came to my parenting decisions, more often than not, I picked them. My ILs swore we were doing everything wrong when DD was an infant. We had her pants too tight. We had the ceiling fan on. We had the angle of her swing set at the wrong angle. We had the wrong kind of stroller. They drove (drive) me INSANE. But I just made sure that I explained why we are doing things the way we do them, and made sure that they understood that this is MY child, and that we WERE going to do things our way.
As for your husband, I might actually cut him a little slack (and I'm the queen of not cutting my husband any slack). He's worried about his baby. He's sleep deprived. His natural instinct is to trust his own mom, and her subversiveness is only playing on those emotions. Tell him you understand why he did what he did, put here are all the reasons why you don't want to do that. Make sure he's comfortable with it. And make sure he knows that he's on YOUR team, not his mom's team.
FWIW, we swaddled until nearly 5 months, when she started rolling.
But but but, they odor her!
Everything that Taffy said 100% but hopefully your DH is receptive to what you say and will tell his mom to 1) butt out and 2) stick to the plan that you and him have in place rather than the plan that his mom wants to enforce.