a statement that irks me

pinkflipflops44 · November 2010

"giving my husband a child"

That sounds so anti everything I believe in. I am not giving my husband a child. We are having a child that WE created together. I find that statement to sound so old-fashioned and I really don't think I can articulate how much that irks me. And I wish I could because it irks me enough to make a post about it.

janice74 · November 2010

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

pinkflipflops44 · November 2010

janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

ZTAsunshine · November 2010

janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

ITA! This is one of my biggest pet peeves.

nde99 · November 2010

janice74:
Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!
With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

YES!! This makes me ballistic! Seriously, it's just as much his kid as it is her's. I go crazy when I hear this.

pinkpear · November 2010

pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

lhcass · November 2010

I've never heard anyone say they are giving their husband a child.

pinkpear · November 2010

I also don't like, "We're pregnant!" No, you are pregnant your husband is not. If he was I would have already seen it on the news.

pinkflipflops44 · November 2010

pinkpear:
I also don't like, "We're pregnant!" No, you are pregnant your husband is not. If he was I would have already seen it on the news.

me too. i also don't like "are you expecting?" i hav eno idea why though it just irks me. like a lot of other things hahaha

Callidryas · November 2010

pinkpear:
I also don't like, "We're pregnant!" No, you are pregnant your husband is not. If he was I would have already seen it on the news.

We are pregnant! I may be the one carrying the baby, but he has to deal with my pregnancy related sh*t. He takes care of me, reminds me of my vitamins and is pulling my weight around the house since I feel like death slightly warmed over. Wink I'll respect your view if you respect mine.

pinkpear · November 2010

Callidryas:

pinkpear:
I also don't like, "We're pregnant!" No, you are pregnant your husband is not. If he was I would have already seen it on the news.

We are pregnant! I may be the one carrying the baby, but he has to deal with my pregnancy related sh*t. He takes care of me, reminds me of my vitamins and is pulling my weight around the house since I feel like death slightly warmed over. I'll respect your view if you respect mine.

So when you had PMS did you say, "we have PMS today" since he had to deal with your PMS?

I'm not flaming, I'm just pointing out why I think it is a dumb thing to say.

sparkymcgeee · November 2010

pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

pinkpear · November 2010

meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?

sparkymcgeee · November 2010

pinkpear:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?

Yes. I do know how to read and I do have reading comprehension skills. You made a comment and didn't limit it to husbands who are only gone for 2 days. You made a statement implying that any married woman who has a husband that travels doesn't know what its like to be a single mom because they are married. I think you were being extremely judgmental. An example of two days does not justify the thought in my opinion.

croberts22 · November 2010

I don't agree with the "giving my husband a baby" or "he's babysitting." I'm up in the air about "We're pregnant." Yes, I'M pregnant, but the baby is both of ours. I guess a better way to work it is that "We're having a baby."

As for being a single mom...if its because DH is gone for a weekend, or even a couple weeks...its not going to fly with me. But, when MH deploys, yes, I'm going to be a single mom. I'll have to fill the same shoes as any single mom. And I'll have to do it with the hope that it doesn't become permanent.

atlb · November 2010

meimsx:
pinkpear:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?

Yes. I do know how to read and I do have reading comprehension skills. You made a comment and didn't limit it to husbands who are only gone for 2 days. You made a statement implying that any married woman who has a husband that travels doesn't know what its like to be a single mom because they are married. I think you were being extremely judgmental. An example of two days does not justify the thought in my opinion.

I would say that they still don't know what it is like to be a single mom. At least they have the financial and (hopefully) emotional support of their husbands. I was a single mom from the day Avery was born--her father is deceased. I got nothing from him and I never will. Your husband being away, regardless of length of time, does not make you a single mom.

sparkymcgeee · November 2010

atlb685:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?

Yes. I do know how to read and I do have reading comprehension skills. You made a comment and didn't limit it to husbands who are only gone for 2 days. You made a statement implying that any married woman who has a husband that travels doesn't know what its like to be a single mom because they are married. I think you were being extremely judgmental. An example of two days does not justify the thought in my opinion.

I would say that they still don't know what it is like to be a single mom. At least they have the financial and (hopefully) emotional support of their husbands. I was a single mom from the day Avery was born--her father is deceased. I got nothing from him and I never will. Your husband being away, regardless of length of time, does not make you a single mom.

That is true. They have the financial support but what if its a rich single mom and money wasn't an issue? I still feel they have a better understanding than women who are married and have a husband that doesn't travel at all. Or very little. I don't mean to offend you at all but didn't your DH travel and was gone for quite awhile for some reason? Did you not feel like you had a harder time and felt a little like a single mom while he was gone for so long?

everam01 · November 2010

I say that I'm pregnant, but we're having a baby.

UndecidedChange · November 2010

I'm a banana.

(Ok, that's from "the spoon is too big" youtube video). Eh, none of these really bug me, I can see how the single mom/widowed mom comments could offend the "actual" single moms/widowed moms, but the rest is just semantics.

Happy Monday!

atlb · November 2010

meimsx:

That is true. They have the financial support but what if its a rich single mom and money wasn't an issue? I still feel they have a better understanding than women who are married and have a husband that doesn't travel at all. Or very little. I don't mean to offend you at all but didn't your DH travel and was gone for quite awhile for some reason? Did you not feel like you had a harder time and felt a little like a single mom while he was gone for so long?

That doesn't offend me. Yes, MH was across the country for almost 4 months over the summer (and in fact, we are living apart now as well). Things were harder, but I did not feel like a single mom during that time. I still had his support (well, most of the time, haha). That was a rough time in general because DD went through a major operation while he was gone. It would have been hard with or without him. For me, the hardest thing about being a single mom was not having the emotional support of a partner. The day to day wasn't the hard part. I could get her up, feed her, get her to school, go to work, pick her up, play, bath dinner, etc just fine on my own. It was the emptiness and lonlieness that really sucked. Even with my husband gone, I still don't feel like a single mom.

I am not saying that military wives don't have it harder than normal. I cannot imagine how hard that must be emotionally. But I think it is unfair (especially to their husbands) for them to refer to themselves as single moms.

sparkymcgeee · November 2010

atlb685:
That doesn't offend me. Yes, MH was across the country for almost 4 months over the summer (and in fact, we are living apart now as well). Things were harder, but I did not feel like a single mom during that time. I still had his support (well, most of the time, haha). That was a rough time in general because DD went through a major operation while he was gone. It would have been hard with or without him. For me, the hardest thing about being a single mom was not having the emotional support of a partner. The day to day wasn't the hard part. I could get her up, feed her, get her to school, go to work, pick her up, play, bath dinner, etc just fine on my own. It was the emptiness and lonlieness that really sucked. Even with my husband gone, I still don't feel like a single mom.

I am not saying that military wives don't have it harder than normal. I cannot imagine how hard that must be emotionally. But I think it is unfair (especially to their husbands) for them to refer to themselves as single moms.

Well that actually helps a lot. I think a lot of us haven't been single moms or even moms in general so the day to day is what I was thinking of. I do know my SIL's had a hard time and didn't refer to themselves as single moms (cause they weren't) but they did say they sometimes felt like it. It was hard for them because not only were their husbands gone for 11 months at a time but they couldn't even talk everyday.

mlatiolais · November 2010

atlb685:
meimsx:
That is true. They have the financial support but what if its a rich single mom and money wasn't an issue? I still feel they have a better understanding than women who are married and have a husband that doesn't travel at all. Or very little. I don't mean to offend you at all but didn't your DH travel and was gone for quite awhile for some reason? Did you not feel like you had a harder time and felt a little like a single mom while he was gone for so long?

That doesn't offend me. Yes, MH was across the country for almost 4 months over the summer (and in fact, we are living apart now as well). Things were harder, but I did not feel like a single mom during that time. I still had his support (well, most of the time, haha). That was a rough time in general because DD went through a major operation while he was gone. It would have been hard with or without him. For me, the hardest thing about being a single mom was not having the emotional support of a partner. The day to day wasn't the hard part. I could get her up, feed her, get her to school, go to work, pick her up, play, bath dinner, etc just fine on my own. It was the emptiness and lonlieness that really sucked. Even with my husband gone, I still don't feel like a single mom.
I am not saying that military wives don't have it harder than normal. I cannot imagine how hard that must be emotionally. But I think it is unfair (especially to their husbands) for them to refer to themselves as single moms.

I can kind of see the general area you are in as far at military wives. But i think just like anything else there is a broad spectrum of military wives. There is a difference between talking to your husband every day for emotional support because his job 'over there' allows that, and someone like me (not pulling a "poor pitiful me") who has a husband who goes a month+ at a time with ZERO communication. And either way, the mom is filling the roll of both mom and dad when their husband is away for 1 year-18 months at a time. So though they may not be a single mom, many days I'm sure it feels like they are. They also have the looming threat hanging over there head that with a single knock on the door this might NOT end with their husband coming home and going back to co-parenting.

Not arguing or flaming, but I think people perception of what is it like for all deployed service members and their families is a little skewed. As much as we like to say that things are much better now communication wise compared to the past (and they are in lots of cases) that doesn't apply to everyone. Not everyone has internet at their location, much less in their room. Not everyone stays on a base all day repairing humvees (not bashing this job at all), some are out camping out in the mountains for weeks on end without so much a tent.

UndecidedChange · November 2010

Remember when this post was about people getting irked about people saying "We're pregnant?"

Good times.

Doesn't seem that irksome anymore, does it?

mlatiolais · November 2010

janice74:
Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!
With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

This!

mlatiolais · November 2010

CommonName:
Remember when this post was about people getting irked about people saying "We're pregnant?"
Good times.
Doesn't seem that irksome anymore, does it?

Those were the good old days huh? lol

pinkflipflops44 · November 2010

atlb685:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!

With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.

I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.

Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?

Yes. I do know how to read and I do have reading comprehension skills. You made a comment and didn't limit it to husbands who are only gone for 2 days. You made a statement implying that any married woman who has a husband that travels doesn't know what its like to be a single mom because they are married. I think you were being extremely judgmental. An example of two days does not justify the thought in my opinion.

I would say that they still don't know what it is like to be a single mom. At least they have the financial and (hopefully) emotional support of their husbands. I was a single mom from the day Avery was born--her father is deceased. I got nothing from him and I never will. Your husband being away, regardless of length of time, does not make you a single mom.

this is what i agree with. regardless, if they are deployed or working away, they have the emotional and financial support. and i can't stand the facebook updates.. with "ahhh single mom for theweekend." plus i also do not see people whose spouses are deployed being the annoying ones with those type of comments.

andigurl · November 2010

Whoever said, "WE are not pregnant, if WE were pregnant I would have heard about it on the news by now", thank you! I spit out my water I laughed so hard at that one. aahahaha.

mlatiolais · November 2010

pinkflipflops44:
atlb685:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
meimsx:
pinkpear:
pinkflipflops44:
janice74:

Did you hear someone say it? I think it would irk me, depending on the context. I am also irked when women say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. No, he is being a father and doing his job!
With DS, I told people I was giving my DH a baby for his birthday, but it was just a joke.
I also don't like the babysitting comment. For exactly the reasons you stated. I also do not like it when married women call themselves single mom's because their husband is out of town.
Both of these but the single mom comments bother me the most. Really, your DH is out of town for 2 days and suddenly you know what it is like to be a single mom? Give me a break.

Ok just to play devils advocate, I have two SIL's that have husbands who are in the army and have been deployed so they do know what its like to be a single mom. I also have friends with husbands that travel for weeks at a time for work. So are you saying they have no idea how hard it is to be a single parent/?

Well if you read the example I gave I said people who have their husbands out of town for 2 days. Did you read that?
Yes. I do know how to read and I do have reading comprehension skills. You made a comment and didn't limit it to husbands who are only gone for 2 days. You made a statement implying that any married woman who has a husband that travels doesn't know what its like to be a single mom because they are married. I think you were being extremely judgmental. An example of two days does not justify the thought in my opinion.

I would say that they still don't know what it is like to be a single mom. At least they have the financial and (hopefully) emotional support of their husbands. I was a single mom from the day Avery was born--her father is deceased. I got nothing from him and I never will. Your husband being away, regardless of length of time, does not make you a single mom.
this is what i agree with. regardless, if they are deployed or working away, they have the emotional and financial support. and i can't stand the facebook updates.. with "ahhh single mom for theweekend." plus i also do not see people whose spouses are deployed being the annoying ones with those type of comments.

Again, my only response to this is, its really hard to have emotional support from your spouse when you can't so much as even get an e-mail to or from them for over a month. It seems a lot of people don't seem to realize this is a reality for some military spouses. Not everyone gets to communicate on a regular basis much less daily. I can see how it would feel like you were a single mom for long periods of time for the year your spouse was away. (I don't have children yet. This is our first) I know sometimes it is almost easy to forget I have a husband when I go without hearing from him for so long. I end up shocked when I get a phone call and hear his voice again! For the past 6+ weeks there have been 2, yes 2 phone calls. One was 2min 22second, and one was 4mins. With communication like that you don't get 'support' you get the peace of mind knowing your husband is still alive. There really isn't enough time to ask your DH what he thinks about getting your DD's ears pierced because she is begging, or what you should do about the transmission with the car. You have to make those decisions the best you can with them in mind.

But I guess its just like anything else. Until you are in that situation it is really hard to envision it for yourself. Just like it is hard for me to imagine someone being really upset when their husband can't come to an appointment, or won't be home for dinner tonight, or is out of town for the weekend. I would personally give anything to just be missing my husband for dinner tonight ya know? But that is just because we all live different lives. Our views of what is 'hard' is shaped by what is 'normal' for us.

Megan.10.06 · November 2010

*I* am pregnant. *WE* are expecting, or having a baby.

Until my husband walks around puking, waddling, crying from hip pain, and getting weekly blood draws, and let's not forget the episiotomy!! I'll hold that pregnancy title on my own thank you!

And for the record, as someone who's husband is about to be gone for 14 weeks in the military, I'll have the daily duties of a single mom, but I won't consider myself one. Those bad days, there is always the comfort of an end date. There is a break in sight. One day, he'll be home and I can sleep in, go shopping by myself, hell, just poop in peace. Even when not being able to talk to him, I'll still have his support. And I know it will be over soon.

Single moms don't get that peace. I won't consider myself a single mom, even though I will be solely responsible for his care.

croberts22 · November 2010

Mlatch:

But I guess its just like anything else. Until you are in that situation it is really hard to envision it for yourself. Just like it is hard for me to imagine someone being really upset when their husband can't come to an appointment, or won't be home for dinner tonight, or is out of town for the weekend. I would personally give anything to just be missing my husband for dinner tonight ya know? But that is just because we all live different lives. Our views of what is 'hard' is shaped by what is 'normal' for us.

I think this just about sums up what's being said by everyone. Every situation is different and until you've been there, you don't truely UNDERSTAND what is going on for that person.

BecauseICan · November 2010

Callidryas:
pinkpear:
I also don't like, "We're pregnant!" No, you are pregnant your husband is not. If he was I would have already seen it on the news.
We are pregnant! I may be the one carrying the baby, but he has to deal with my pregnancy related sh*t. He takes care of me, reminds me of my vitamins and is pulling my weight around the house since I feel like death slightly warmed over. I'll respect your view if you respect mine.

That's why I say "We're expecting" and "I'm pregnant". Because we are, and I am.

KadensMama · November 2010

Megan.10.06:
*I* am pregnant. *WE* are expecting, or having a baby.
Until my husband walks around puking, waddling, crying from hip pain, and getting weekly blood draws, and let's not forget the episiotomy!! I'll hold that pregnancy title on my own thank you!

And for the record, as someone who's husband is about to be gone for 14 weeks in the military, I'll have the daily duties of a single mom, but I won't consider myself one. Those bad days, there is always the comfort of an end date. There is a break in sight. One day, he'll be home and I can sleep in, go shopping by myself, hell, just poop in peace. Even when not being able to talk to him, I'll still have his support. And I know it will be over soon.
Single moms don't get that peace. I won't consider myself a single mom, even though I will be solely responsible for his care.

Again, you may think differently if your husband is deployed for an entire year at a time. Or he receives UNACCOMPANIED orders for 2 years to another country..... just sayin.

pandi02a · November 2010

CommonName:
I'm a banana.
(Ok, that's from "the spoon is too big" youtube video). Eh, none of these really bug me, I can see how the single mom/widowed mom comments could offend the "actual" single moms/widowed moms, but the rest is just semantics.
Happy Monday!

My anus is bleeding!!!! Yayayayayayaaaaay!!!!!!

I really think arguing about semantics is dumb. Also, why does something that has absolutely no effect on you bother you so much? If anyone has ever said any of these things to me in the past I don't remember. You know why? Because it doesn't matter, my life is not changed because someone worded something one way over another.

UndecidedChange · November 2010

pandi02a:
CommonName:
I'm a banana.
(Ok, that's from "the spoon is too big" youtube video). Eh, none of these really bug me, I can see how the single mom/widowed mom comments could offend the "actual" single moms/widowed moms, but the rest is just semantics.
Happy Monday!
My anus is bleeding!!!! Yayayayayayaaaaay!!!!!!
I really think arguing about semantics is dumb. Also, why does something that has absolutely no effect on you bother you so much? If anyone has ever said any of these things to me in the past I don't remember. You know why? Because it doesn't matter, my life is not changed because someone worded something one way over another.

WUNDERBAR!!!!!

I'm very glucklich with an umlaut that someone got it!!!

Take THAT 2 years of german in college. Suck on THAT!

kristennd · November 2010

I do get irritated by the "giving your husband a baby" remarks when they're from the same older relatives who talk seriously about DH being able to properly provide for me, my belonging at home instead of in the workplace, etc.

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