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3rd Trimester
Literally the worst shower gift in history. [vent]
So I had a shower today and it was the only one my mother was coming to (she lives a few states away).
She was supposed to be getting me our little girl's coming home outfit, which incidentally I purchased. When I showed it to her, she said she really wanted to be the one to "give" it to me, so she was going to hang onto it and give it to me at the shower. Why I trusted her with something so important, I have no idea. I guess I'll never learn!! Well, the outfit was left at home, three states away. They will not be visiting again before my due date. So there goes the $100 I dropped on that!
All day, my mom had gone on and on about this emotional gift she got me that was going to be so sweet and make everyone cry. I was pretty excited!
So I open the gift and the first thing I see is a single photograph (not in a frame) of my father holding me on the day I was brought home from the hospital. Which would be sort of sweet except that I have seen this picture several times and I am estranged from my father (he beat me as a child, kidnapped me once, took me with him to buy drugs, and stole all of our belongings for his drug habit on several occasions including two Christmases when he stole our CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, etc). No one has spoken to the man in years. WTF.
Ok, whatever... there's something else in the box. My mom says she has been holding onto it for the past 24 years for me. I'm 27... but whatever. I open it and it's a very cute little girl's dress! She says it was mine when I was a baby. SOOOOO sweet! Until I turn it around to show it to everyone and notice... a $1 price tag from a local consignment shop hanging off. Oh my. My sister noticed it and was like, "Quick, let me see it!" She ripped the tag off and (not very quietly) mentioned it to my mother. My mother will not admit it and says, "umm... that was from where I was going to sell it one time!" Yeah, like that makes it better (even if it is a lie).
Adding to the complete obviousness of the whole thing is that it's a summer dress for a newborn (I was born in the fall/winter), the fact that she lives 3 states away from the consignment shop where the tag came from (obviously she bought it when she came up here). Also, my mother is a really gross person - she usually doesn't bathe for several days at a time, doesn't clean anything ever, and is chain-smoker, so everything from her and her house REEKS. Even after being laundered. When we visit, I have to wash everything multiple times to get the smell out. In fact, we have thrown things away because of the smell. But hmm... this baby dress that has allegedly been with her for "24" years smells very clean. Weird?
So I am very hurt by this. I mean, I know she means well, she's not trying to be malicious... but it is so hurtful to me that she would try to pass off the dress like that. I am very thankful that she gave me something, but I am unbelievably saddened by it. Thanks for listening to me vent... I just needed to get it out!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Literally the worst shower gift in history. [vent]
Ok, I'm sorry... but all I can focus on is how ridiculous it is that anyone would spend $100 on a coming home outfit.
It must be nice to have that kind of disposible income.
Can't she ship the dress to you so you can still use it as the coming home outfit?
I'm sorry you're hurt by her lie but it sounds like she felt bad for forgetting the dress you picked out and tried to make it up by creating a special item to take it's place.
No need to tell me how ridiculous I am. Yes, my husband and I have worked extremely hard and have been very blessed financially. I grew up in an abusive home in poverty and I am proud of what I have accomplished. Nothing has ever been handed to me; I have worked my tail off!!
We also went through years of infertility before finally becoming pregnant with our precious baby, so we are incredibly excited to meet her. Yep, we have splurged on her quite a bit because she is such a little miracle for us!!
Oh my... I'm so sorry. I completely agree with you- you have every right to feel hurt that she lied about it after going on about how emotional it would make you. And really, how did she expect you to react to a pic of you with an abusive 'father'? I'm sorry, but that really is crappy behavior. It sounds like she was trying super hard to seem like the best mother in the world and she just kinda wound up showing her true colors.
I hope the rest of your shower went well. I hope that outfit wasn't sold. Why can't she mail it? My dad is in FL and he still manages to mail me boxes every so often. Really, a small flat-rate Priority box won't cost much to ship.
She did mention that she would mail it to me, but she is NOTORIOUSLY unreliable. There's no way that would actually happen. In fact, I think that the outfit may be lost. I doubt I will ever see it again. I can't believe I was so stupid as to think she would actually bring it with her. I'm really less mad about the original outfit than I am about this other one she got. I just breaks my heart that she would lie to me like that.
Why do you care? There is no law the baby can't wear it again, and unless you paid for it who cares how much it cost.
This is what I was thinking the whole time. Seriously, your baby could come home in a little carter's outfit and just as cute or whatever. I've never really got the point of "special" or extravagant coming home outfits- of course you want them to be picture perfect but $100 dollars? Yipes.
Anyway, sorry your mom didn't bring it for you, and she brought crummy gifts. Hope the rest of the shower went well.
Thanks for your support, Andrea! Like I mentioned before, we went through infertility and also lost a baby before finally getting pregnant. The outfit in question says, "Together at last," which was pretty meaningful to us. We are just so excited about having this little baby in our arms that I guess we got carried away!
I'm just sayin... You made a point to mention how much it cost, and it stuck out to me. I'm sorry that you had problems with infertility, and I'm glad you finally have your blessing... I'm not undermining that... Just saying that I personally think that's nuts.
I can understand that. I didn't mean it like, "Oh look at how much I can afford to spend on my baby." Not by any stretch!! I meant, "WTF I spent a huge chunk of change on that thing and now it's just gone!" I don't think anyone likes to lose money, no matter how much. :
I dont care, I was just wondering the reasoning. Is she taking pics, is there going to be a party waiting at home, etc??
That makes sense.
I'm sorry things didn't go like you'd hoped at your shower... I'm sure your mom means well, and I hope you get everything worked out so it can be returned to you.
No real reason other than just a massive, intensely huge level of excitement about having everything be perfect for our baby! We'll be having pictures made, but mostly it was just that the outfit was so perfect for our situation; when I saw it, it made me cry in the store! It says "Together at last," and since we have been through a lot to get pregnant it was very meaningful for us.
I'm guilty, I splurged! I don't think I'm the only woman in history who has majorly splurged on something for the baby, and I don't think I'll be the last.
OP, I'm really sorry about the "gifts"...what a bummer. I came in here expecting either a selfish story or a funny story, but yours is neither...just sad! Hope the rest of the shower was a good time. And I really hope your mom actually mails your outfit back to you.
A possibility was born the day you were born and will live as long as you live.
Yeah, I did. Totally stupid move but I guess I was thinking, "I can trust my mom... right?" She really wanted to be the one to give it to me... I don't know, I guess I go crazy once in a while and think that I can trust my own mother with things. Never again.
There has to be a twilight turtle in the nursery for Ellie. I could care less but she won't be able to sleep if it's not in there. I'm sure of it.
Whoa. I think it's sad that your mom would give you a picture like that, knowing the painful family history, and sad that she would lie about the dress being yours. She's either blocked out the past or is in complete denial of what your childhood was really like. Seems like she harbors a lot of guilty feelings that she is now trying to make up for by offering these "sentimental" gifts. Could you talk to her about it? Look ahead knowing that you're going to be creating wonderful childhood memories for your child, and maybe your mom will be able to embrace that in a positive way.
Hopefully she'll mail you the coming home outfit.
I disagree. When she gets older, she may really enjoy seeing special baby pictures of herself in this adorable outfit that her mommy and daddy picked out especially for her.
And even if we did buy it just for us... who cares? Last I checked, it wasn't a crime to splurge on the baby. I'm having a tough time understanding the outrage over how much *I* spent with *my* money on something for my baby.
I mean, are people just looking for something to be angry about?
Thank you so much for this!! It really makes me feel better to know that others are supportive.
Plus, if it smells so badly at her place that you have to throw stuff out, why would you let her keep it there?
Ya.
Our coming home outfit will probably be around 75.
It's winter so it has to be warm, plus mittens, plus a hat.
He's going to wear it more than one time. The picture will be around forever. And the outfit probably will be to.
This is what strikes me. You paint your mother as too unreliable to mail the outfit, yet you gave her an outfit that was very important to you and relied on her to bring it to your shower. . . it's a strange call, OP.
Then you talked about how everything from Mom's house stinks like smoke. . . and yet you let her take the outfit?
I'd be very disappointed in the gift, but I'd be even more angry at myself for expecting someone who'd proved themselves to be one way to be different, kwim?
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I don't know.
I wish there were pictures of me as a baby.
But my parents were SO poor. I have a video that my grandparents took when I was about a year, and my brother was a nb.
I'd love a picture of me as a baby in some cute little outfit that my mom picked out.
I also think that we have a tendency to want to trust our parents (no matter how bad they hurt us) at different points, so I also get that you gave the outfit to your mom. I hope she comes through.
I, too, would spend $100 if I thought it was fitting for the occasion! I think it's justified if was the perfect outfit for LO.
I think OP was guilty of just trying to have faith in her mom. Sure, she knew better, and by the sounds of the post, she's kicking herself because she knew better. But, she wanted to have faith that her mom maybe changed. Her mom asked her for this, and she wanted to give that to her mom, and probably wanted her mom to prove that she could It may sound stupid to some people on this board, but I think it's very natural to hope your mom turns into the person you want her to be, even if it's an impossible thought.
Also, I kind of doubt the OP's mom means well. If she did, she'd have come clean with things. The fact that she went on and on about how emotional the gift would be and then made up a grand story about it kind of shows the mom wanted the shower to be about her and her gift, which was a fake, not about the baby. Even if she did mean well, she must have a bit of a screw lose to think a pic of an abusive estranged father would be an awesome gift. OP, I think you have every right to be upset about your shower today. That really sucks and I hope you are able to find a replacement outfit because that obviously means a lot to you. It's funny how people on here are criticizing the amount of money or stake you are putting in this outfit. It's important to you. Just like a pp said about the diaper bag. Some people spend a ton on this, some don't. It really doesn't matter...different strokes. Why the people on here picked out that detail and focused on that instead of seeing the post for what it was, a really sad story, is beyond me.
Good luck finding a new outfit. Another thought...does anyone live close to your mom (like your sis) that could help get that outfit for you?
There are quite a few know- it -all angry biitches on this site- I rarely post here... but I have to say that I completely support everything that you have written, said, etc- you are right to feel disappointed, heartbroken and pissed at your mom. There is nothing wrong with splurging on a sentimental coming home outfit for your baby- who cares what it cost- it's your money, and I think that the saying is super sweet. I'm sorry that your mom sucks- a flat rate shipping box is around $10- insist that she send it to you. I think your mom "tried" but majorly failed... it's not your fault that you got burned by your own mother by giving her the gift. And to answer your question "are people just looking for something to be angry about?"- yes... there are SOME people that spend ALL day on the bump, commenting on each and EVERY post, multiple times... it's pathetic...
Wow! You guys are BRUTAL!!!! Geez. I say who the heck cares how much you spent. We spent some $ on our DD outfit. It is the FIRST outfit she will ever wear and I expect we will have approximately a trillion pictures of her in it. And I think what is says on it is very cute and meaningful.
I can relate with the mom thing. I lost mine to alcoholism a couple of years ago and this sounds SO MUCH like her. Some of these girls don't get that is probably isn't just a "today" issue. It is something that has built over time and today was a deal breaker especially with you being so emotional. She knows what she did. You gave her the dress bc you were trying to make her feel a part of the shower and like a good mom. As the PP said, her true colors came out. I am sorry about the family history, just know this girl understands where your frustration is coming from and for all the other girls that are okay with putting their LO in a Carter's outfit for their first one, good for you, but some of us are not. Hope your day gets better and your week even better than that!
OK, Cranky Frankie. I think it's time for you to log off and go to bed. You're kinda flipping out on this girl for no good reason. It's clearly labeled a vent. It has nothing to do with the coming home outfit, you guys have spun it in that direction. Her mom dropped the ball. It was an emotional day for her. No need to jump down her throat for "whining". I think the only one here who's harboring some resentment from either not having a "special dress" of her own or one for "the penis inside you" is you. Chill the eff out and stop being such a meanie pants for no good reason.
First of all, I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people are judging how much you spent on the outfit. You don't owe anyone any explanations.
I'm also very sorry that your mom did what she did to you. It seems like a total mess, and not something you should deal with while hormonal, pregnant and during your baby shower. Sending you virtual hugs. The only consolation I can think of is, you are going to be 100 times better of a mom than she is. Not that she is bad or malicious, but now you know what didn't work, and will put the effort into your new relationship with your LO and it will be wonderful. GL and I'm sorry you got hurt.
Forget about the coming home outfit nonsense
OP, are you sure your mom is really "all there"? Like psychiatrically all there? I mean, the revisionist history about an abusive father, the not bathing and chain smoking, the weirdness about the shower dress. Is this the way she's always been or has this kinda crept up in recent years?
I'd be way more concerned about this than getting into a snit about a dress.
I feel for you and I get it. My mother has some major mental / emotional problems and its an on going struggle with her. I can relate to the "stinky" house syndrome thing too, at my shower I knew my moms gift from the smell alone.
It obviously wasn't a good decision to trust your mom with the outfit, but sometimes when something is so important to us and so huge we really WANT to be able to have that reliable mother figure in our life... so we make mistakes. I guess the important thing to realize is that your mom is who she is, and that your pregnancy and her grandchild probably aren't going to have much of an effect on that.
Its kind of hard for some people to understand this if they haven't experienced it, but I have and I'm sorry you have to as well. We all deserve a healthy supportive mom.
Meh, if she has the $ then why not? It's obviously something that is important to her.
OP, WOW is all I can muster.
I'm sorry that your mom failed so miserably! The pic of your dad, when you have such a horrid history is awful and so awkward for you! It sounds like she maybe was trying to make up for forgetting your coming home outfit, by replacing it with something sentimental! (Here's hoping that was the case!)
I'm also sorry that some people are being such complete asses in their responses, er -sorry, flamming, your post over completely irrelevant bs. That you have explained without being catty and some still continued shows how awesome some people are...even though it is none of their business.
Good for you, for working so hard in life to get what you want and have the life you deserve...and congratulations on finally having a sucessful pregnancy! I hope you get your outfit back! And here's hoping mom pays the postage to make up for her not one, but two "wtf" gifts! And um..yeah, next time, knowing your mom...don't trust her with something so important!