- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
My flammable Unpop Op
I understand not wanting to spend holidays with family members you don't like or not wanting to drive a long distance (or any other logistical issue). But excluding family from your holiday solely because you want it to be "just us" is a mean tradition. And I am apparently the only one who feels this way because I've seen countless posts over every board about how Bumpies don't want their families to come over for Christmas morning or Thanksgiving dinner or whatever because it should be a "special" time. Every time I read one of those posts my heart breaks a little for those family members that undoubtedly feel left out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My flammable Unpop Op
BFP 5/07 - Kylie born 2/08. BPF 2/09 - Alexandra born 10/09.
TTC since 8/13 - diagnosed difficulty conceiving due to LP defect. Took vitamin B and Vitex Berry to help lengthen.
BFP 2/14 - Missed M/C found at 8.5 weeks. D&C at 9w2d. Partial Molar Pregnancy.
BFP 11/14
My Pregnancy(ies) Blog
I see what you mean... but I'd like a little of both - really just Christmas morning. I'd like to be able to wake up just our little family, and then my parents are welcome to come on over later. I just want to be able to be comfortable and feel "at home" and cozy for just a little while, if that makes any sense.
Thanksgiving, we're hosting both families and I'm all about it!
ITA. I do things I don't want to do for people I love all the time.
All of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is spent with our families with the exception of christmas morning. I don't think 4 hours alone is unreasonable.
It was the same with our families growing up though. Everyone spent Christmas morning with their own household. I will not intrude on my kids' and future grankids' Christmas morning after spending 8 hours with them the previous day and 4 more hours later that day.
TTC#2 October 2011. June 2012 diagnosed with mild PCOS and both tubes blocked.
10/1/12 miracle BFP 11/12/12 missed m/c (9w2d), baby stopped growing at 7 weeks
1/16/13 BFP, EDD 9/27/13, m/c 1/19/13
2/12/13 BFP, EDD 10/25/13 Please stick little one
A stowaway on board!
In general, this is one of those things where I just don't care what other people do.
It would be sad (IMO) to exclude your family from any gathering and spending all of Christmas to yourselves.
I think what you are seeing more of on TB is maybe like mfran described...spending just Christmas Morning at home together as an intimate family, with plans to see grandparents/extended family the rest of the day/weekend.
I totally agree. I think it's okay to have "your time" for an hour or two. Or do something special the day before or after. But that is rude and sad.
This is our arrangement, too. As a kid, we opened gifts in the morning from Santa and then went to visit family and friends later in the day. Don't see an issue with it...also, if you want to have a Christmas without other family members around I see no problem there either. Not everyone has a Norman Rockwell extended family that they want/can/need to share the holidays with.
I agree..to an extent. Previous Christmas' and THanksgiving with either my family or his, have resulted in bad, BAD things. I have lots of family drama..and last few holidays MIL has made fun of me/mocked me to my face. This year, we are having our "own"christmas since their is now 4 of us, but we are making our rounds to VISIT everyone. We just arent having the big part with any of them, kwim?
But its definitely not "just because"
I agree. I also never understood the thing where people want it "just the 3 of us" after the delivery in order to bond.
DH has to work this yr on Christmas anyways. So I am glad my parents and younger sister don't want it just them in the morning!
I disagree. You must not come from a family where "immediate family" is a minimum of 45 people! When you have that come over every time you do something "small" you would love to have the just us time Christmas morning.
Both DH and I come from relatively large family and we don't want both sides and the entire circus to come in our door at 7am every Christmas. We do Christmas Eve (tradition) with every one, Christmas morning on our own, and Christmas dinner at someone else's house. It is a lot of work no matter what and on top of everything people start bringing their friend's neighbor's ex boyfriend or whomever because when you already have 70+people what one more! LOL
I totally agree. Ideally, I'd like to spend Christmas morning at home, so DS can do the santa thing and open stockings etc. but if anyone wanted to show up early for pancakes and to see DS open his presents, I'd LOVE to see them and have them there. It's not about doing it for them, even, I just grew up with a bunch of family around and I love it.
we can have peace and quiet time with "just us" every day of the week. IMO "special time" IS time to spend with family.
I'm jealous of people that even get to wake up in their own house on Christmas morning. My family lives 5 hours away, and the in-laws live 8 hours away. It is important to us that we spend every Christmas/Thanksgiving with one side, so we always are there by Christmas eve morning. I never minded until we had DD, but now I wonder if we plan on doing this forever.
I so know what you mean. I have a few friends who are like that and my sister is like that as well. We are an ex pat family living in US and so for us our friends are our family. But ever since some of these single women started marrying, they explicitly started making "Just us" traditions. I included them in many of OUR family celebrations and traditions because then they were single and had no family around, but now they just cut me out a lot of their stuff. It hurts me at times, but I have accepted that people are just different for whatever reasons. But I so know what you mean.
Hopefully DS will grow into a kind man who knows what value to place on family and friends.
Right now I don't live around any family and I haven't since 2005. We may be moving back to where our families are in the next 6 or so months. How I want to ideally do Christmas is first thing in the morning it will be just us. We can open up gifts in our PJs have breakfast etc. Then it will be either off to see our families or host at our house. My sister and I have been talking about alternating each holiday so one year she will host Thanksgiving and I do Christmas then switch the next year. We both say our spouses siblings and parents will be welcome at each other's homes as well.
I am all about family time for the holidays but I hate how my parents did it when we were growing up. It made it stressful. For Christmas we had to rush to open our gifts from our parents/Santa then hurry to get ready to go to one grandparents house. We ate and stayed there then went to the other side of the family and had to eat there again. Before my great grandparents died we also had to include them in. It was the same for Thanksgiving. We always had to eat 2 huge meals back to back and didn't want to offend either grandma so we felt so sick at the end of the night. We were always out until at least 11 pm constantly on the go. My sister and I want to try and avoid that with our kids.
I don't see a problem at all with wanting to spend Christmas morning with just DH and LO. A few hours with just your little family is special, and I think its needed. Then the rest of the day can be filled with craziness (in a good way). If you are referring to people not wanting to spend the holidays with family at all, yeah, I think that is pretty selfish.
We have a huge Thanksgiving every year. We celebrate Christmas eve with the entire family, immediate and extended. Christmas morning is just DH, LO and me. Then we go to my parents for brinch around 10:30am, and to my sisters for home made pizza that evening.
We don't do it to bond, but I don't want a bunch of people around me when I just gave birth. You can see the baby the following day when I've had some time with them. Just the way I am.
Good for you, but not everyone has that. MH works most days and long hours, so he is rarely home. Our familys live pretty far away (12+ hours driving and at least 1 layover flying). We let them know that we will host anyone who wants to come to our home for any holiday, but we won't be going anywhere. I love that I get to wake up in my home with my family on Christmas morning and we get to cook and eat Thanksgiving dinner together.
I would have not wanted anyone around after I had my DS. I was so grateful to have alone time with my little family. I could not have handled having 20 relatives in the room, passing my kid around when they haven't even been out of the oven for an hour yet. That would have driven me NUTS.
Also, I had to think of my DS. I'm his mom, DH is his dad. He knew our voices from when he was in the womb. He knew his mama's heart rate. Being born was the most traumatic experience he would ever experience in his entire life (its the time in your life that your body releases the most stress hormones). Maybe I'm just a crazy, crunchy AP, but I really think it was best for my DS to spend the first 24 hours of his life with the only two constants that he'd known up til that point. He was comforted by me. When he was getting his blood drawn, I give him my finger to hold on to and he immediately stopped crying. He knew his mama, and needed time to bond with his dada, not be in a room filled with germy people passing him around. Just my thoughts.
This. So how do I decide who out of the 3 sets of grandparents comes to visits us Christmas morning? Its not so simple for some people. We have a lot of family to see and DD gets very overwhelmed by it. Theres nothing wrong with us opening presents at home just the three of us then getting dressed and going to 2 different houses where there are tons of people and noise.
Yeah, I'd be cool with balance, too.
But our families are all at least 600 miles away so it's all or nothing.
Now that I totally understand! Though we didn't have any family in the area so the visitors would've been friends and neighbors. And it was "the four of us." And I felt like crap and was in no way up to entertaining that first week, especially since I was topless seemingly 24/7 trying to nurse two newborns with latch issues.
I feel the same way.
Plus, I really look like shiit after giving birth and I'm vain. So, you get to wait until the bloat's gone a bit.
Haha.
I agree. Plus its my child. I just gave birth to him/her. Helll yea I want some alone time with my child and my husband. Why wouldn't I?
We're spending the whole day with dh's side on Christmas Eve, and the entire day with my side the day after Christmas. I don't see what's the problem with just staying home. We never said no one can come over, it's just we wanted the morning to ourselves. My mom will be going to my stepfather's family, and mil will be going to dh's stepfather's family, so no one will be coming over, likely. We're leaving the door open to anyone, but I like that we're setting a family tradition while ds is small.
I don't think it's selfish.
Meh. I see my family a lot. I love them dearly, but I also deal with their drama a lot. It is a fantasy of mine to wake up on Christmas morning in my own home (not my parents', which is what we do every year) and spend the day just puttering around the tree and the house in pjs with DD and DH. I don't think it's "mean" to want DD to just have a nice, quiet day with us instead of being subject to the inevitable family fight that happens when you have 3 siblings with fairly grown children (youngest are teenagers) and a slew of other extended relations you have to visit/spend time with in 1 short day. Everyone's nerves are pretty frayed in the end.
Since the concept of just staying in and doing nothing is kind of alien to my family, the only way we would ever have a "relaxed" Christmas is if we put our foot down and didn't leave our house or have anyone over. While the reality is that we go with the flow every year and do whatever my family plans for us, I don't have a hard time understanding those who do choose to spend a holiday with "just us."
Well, considering that my mother was pretty adamantly against my birth plan, it was rather prudent of me to not invite her into the delivery room. It's great when women have the kind of relationship with their families that they want them in the room with them during labor or just after, but the reality is that this doesn't work for everyone. It's not so strange to want to focus on the marvel of the moment without having to spend any energy on people besides your SO and your new baby. Heck, even people with not a single issue in their relationships to their families might want a moment to themselves at such a special time. Those first days after birth are time you will never ever get back.
This is a completely different topic, IMO.
What is wrong with wanting to bond with your child, especially if that bonding includes skin-to-skin contact and quiet time?
Our families were included a couple of hours later, and have continued to be included in every aspect of her life since then.
That being said, childbirth is a very personal thing and every family has different philosophies.