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i feel so defeated..

triplea1819triplea1819
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

I EBF my son.  he got very sick as a toddler with GI infections, etc.  he has been developmentally delayed a lot.  I felt awful because I thought BF would help him get a head start in life.  Not being so sick, and help him meet his developmental milestones. Which I came to find out, did not help him at all.

 

so here we are at number 2.  I decide to BF her.  She had problems latching and gaining weight.  So I had to supplement with formula.  Here we are at about a month and she has a diaper rash that is basically a BURN on her butt.  bleeding, awful.  She is spitting up after every nursing session.  She is screaming ALL day.  Not sleeping at all.  I bring her in and the doctor thinks she is probably allergic to something I am eating.  So what is the f-en point to me BF? 

i am not enjoying it.  I have already had a mastitis.  my breasts hurt because she bites.  nipples are bleeding, even with a nipple shield.  it is awful.  

I feel so guilty NOT BF her though.  I feel so defeated in this entire process.  I am not sure if I can take more of this.  I feel like everything I am doing is wrong.  

I am sorry, I just need to vent...  I would say i need a good cry, but I am basically crying all day/night with all of this..

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Re: i feel so defeated..

  • IfferMarieIfferMarie member
    I know its not easy. We had major issues in the beginning. I cried all the time, and like you, I wanted to give up. After seeing three lactation consultants things started to get better. Even though you feel like there is no point, there really is. You are giving her the best nutrition you can. It's not easy but it WILL get easier and it will be so worth. Did your.doctor give you any guidance at all?
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  • bobbydsgirlbobbydsgirl member
    Sorry. It CAN be so overwhelming. I hope you feel better about everything tomorrow.
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  • FLchickenFLchicken
    If it is making you feel so bad, honestly, do what will make you feel better. If it means FF, than so be it.  You have no reason to feel guilty. 
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member

    imageFLchicken:
    If it is making you feel so bad, honestly, do what will make you feel better. If it means FF, than so be it.  You have no reason to feel guilty. 

    Yes

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  • scoutkatescoutkate member

    imageFLchicken:
    If it is making you feel so bad, honestly, do what will make you feel better. If it means FF, than so be it.  You have no reason to feel guilty. 

    This!  ((hugs))

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  • Sarah_JohnSarah_John member
    I feel your pain. I was ready to give up a bunch of times. It was so embarrassing when we went to our 1 month pedi appt and the dr walks in and asks how we are doing and out of no where I just burst into tears. He told me to just take it one day at a time and not to let it make me feel like I was failing my child. I stuck with it and I am glad I did. Of course I still have my moments when I feel like it would just be easier to FF but that's when I let someone else feed him some pumped milk and the break really does help my nipples recover a bit (the LC said LO was a "super sucker" and that he "destroyed" my nipples.) In the end you have to do whats best for you. Hope you feel better.
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  • Tricia879Tricia879 member
    Do not feel bad if you need to FF, I FF my first so with DS I was determined I would EBF bc it is best for him. A week into it and he stops having wet diapers and is nursing every 30min for over 24hrs, I finally cry my heart out to DH and give in to giving him a bottle of formula. My body is not producing milk like it should so I have to supplement. Doing what will make you a SANE mommy is the best thing for your LO. Hang in there! If you need to go to EP or FF do not feel bad you have given it your best!
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  • dasaherdasaher member

    I haven't even given birth yet, so take everything I say with a grain of salt, but is it possible to BF and FF?  Like give yourself a break every 3rd or 4th feeding or something?  Have you gotten any direction from your doctor?  Talked with other moms in your area who have had similar issues?  Spoken with an LC at the hospital or something?

    If you've tried all sorts of other avenues and it's just not working for you and LO, don't beat yourself up!  Being a parent is hard enough already (I'm a stepparent and know this all too well), and you have NOT failed your children by not EBF them.  Unfortunately, a lot of people will make you feel horrible if you aren't willing/able to EBF, but the good thing is that it's not up to them - it's up to you and what is best for your family!  And your family needs you to be a happy and healthy mama, so do what you need to in order to achieve that, ok?

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  • veebug22veebug22 member
    I'm a big BFing proponent, but don't feel guilty if you end up doing formula. Yes, there are advantages to BFing, but your baby will be fine on formula. Lots of healthy children and adults received formula. She can get what she needs. If it will help her to be more comfortable, she'll be happier and you'll be happier. You sound like you really want to BF -- maybe meet with a lactation consultant and work with your doctor a bit more, but if you feel like you've exhausted your resources, there is no shame in formula, and it doesn't mean you're a subpar mother in any way!
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  • triplea1819triplea1819

    imageIfferMarie:
    I know its not easy. We had major issues in the beginning. I cried all the time, and like you, I wanted to give up. After seeing three lactation consultants things started to get better. Even though you feel like there is no point, there really is. You are giving her the best nutrition you can. It's not easy but it WILL get easier and it will be so worth. Did your.doctor give you any guidance at all?

     

    Right now the doctor said I have to pump and freeze.  She is on hypoallergenic formula for 5 days.  She has a HUGE rash on her butt.  The doctor is pretty sure it is my diet.  We will find out in a few days when the formula kicks in.  She also said she is pretty colicy due to the reflux and butt rash..  That is why I feel so defeated..  

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  • LilywildcatLilywildcat member

    veebug22 pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    i struggled with nursing/pumping for 3 months with my first child. He was jaundiced at first and was colicky, he cried a lot (and so did I) and had his days and nights mixed up. He had to be re-admitted due to weight loss/jaundice. He never latched well, i had low milk supply (and we supplemented with formula) and suffered from PPD. I hated nursing, but felt guilty if i didn't do it. I didn't much care for the LC from the hospital but thankfully a good friend of mine is an LC in another city. She would come to try to help me out but i always felt defeated. one day, She spoke some of the most memorable words to me. She told me to be proud of myself for sticking with it for this long, but if mom's not happy, then neither is baby. Yes, BF is best but not at the cost of mom's sanity. She told me never to feel guilty about my decisions to BF and/or FF regardless of what anyone says because only moms know what's best for themselves and their babies.

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  • erthemamaerthemama

    You might find better BFing support at Mothering.com/discussions about the allergy situation. There are lots of moms on there who are dealing with this same issue!

     hth!

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