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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
As a spin-off of the only child discussion. . .
I am now no longer certain if I want to have any more children. I don't get along with my sister AT ALL, and I don't know that I want a sibling for DS anymore. If we just have DS, I can guarantee that he will have a stable, loving home and a happy childhood. If we bring another kid into the mix, who could be a horrible person (I guess I subscribe more to nature than nurture), that could taint DS entire life.
Does anyone who HAS siblings NOT want siblings for their child? I do want another child, but not more than I want DS to be happy. My desire for his happiness is stronger than my desire to have another baby. Does anyone else feel this way?
Am I just over thinking it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: As a spin-off of the only child discussion. . .
You are SO overthinking this. Hugely.
Some only children are miserable without a sibling. Some siblings make their siblings' lives pure hell.
You need to do what works for you, and let the chips fall where they may. You can't guarantee him happiness either way.
Growing up, I had an okay relationship with my brothers. They definitely got on my nerves and were pretty mean to me a lot. But they had their nice moments too. LOL. Now that we're all grown up, I have a next to nothing relationship with them.
I have gone back and forth on making DS an only. Not so much because of my relationship with my brothers, but more because we could provide DS such a better life as an only. We don't make a lot of money, and daycare for one puts us in the poor house. We would really struggle with 2.
This is going to sound really obnoxious, but I also worry about what #2 would be like. DS is literally perfect. I know that sounds so stupid. But he sleeps great, he has the most amazing personality, he is adorable and funny, and so easy-going. It's like we don't even have a kid sometimes. I worry that #2 will be a nightmare and ruin everything. Plus, ever since I read that study yesterday, my heart breaks thinking about making DS unhappy by having another baby.
So, that was a long-winded yes to your question! I do put DS' happiness above my desire to have another child. We'll have to see how I feel next fall when we are supposed to TTC #2.
My sister is my best friend. She lives in NYC and I live in St Paul, MN. Despite the difference she is the one person I call for EVERYTHING.
I don't think I want more children but giving my dd the opportunity to have a sibling with a bond as strong as mine is the one reason I would consider having more.
My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09
My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11
We're "one and done" but the decision came after a lot of thought and stress on my part. There are many reasons for this decision, and sure, I weighed the sibling aspect of it too.
But, really, I think the sibling arguement actually needs to NOT be a part of it. You need to look at all the other factors that are playing a role in this. The sibling part of it- it's a TOTAL crap shoot. TOTAL. And as has been said about this issue - "the grass is always greener".
I'm not close to my brother AT ALL. DH is a little closer to his brother, but not all that much. But I have friends who are VERY close to their siblings.
There is just no given on this matter at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
1.I don't think anyone can ever guarantee that their children will have wonderful childhoods. Not that you will do anything wrong...you just never know what is going to happen.
2.I don't think it would be fair to LO #2 for you to have another child ihif you keep your same thoughts on the issue....for them to be raised with you constantly wondering if they are going to "ruin" your first child.
3.I'm sure your DS is a wonderful child but you never know how people will turn out (you admitted that you relate more with nature than nurture). Your DS could end up growing up to be a "horrible person" himself....without being tainted by an awful sibling.
You pretty much mirror my thoughts. I don't think it's over-thinking since the future of my child is at stake sort of.
I am an only child. I got lonely at times, and even now sometimes I wonder why my parents never considered having another since I have NO family and I basically grew up around nothing but adults. That still hinders me even to this day with being able to converse with my peers. Overall though, I enjoy being an only child. I got so much attention from my parents and now my mom is pretty much like my sister. I love it. The only thing that bothers me is that when my parents pass away, I will have no one. And that makes me very upset. I really don't want DD to ever have those feelings.
But, I think DD will be fine as an only child because she has SO MUCH family now because of DH. Tons of cousins, plus some of DH's friends have children her age, so she has playmates also. I think that may be the key to building her social skills, not necessarily having a sibling.
This all may change though in the future. We are very "one and done" right now, but 5 years from now we may want another.
I have one biological sister. We got along okay as kids, but now we're both much happier if we ignore one another except during holidays. We can get along, but we can't have deep discussions. She and I have very different opinions on almost anything, and neither of us is very good about the whole "live and let live" mentality (though I'm working on it). We're not close.
That being said, I can't imagine my life without her. I am so incredibly proud of her. And when our dad pulls another one of his crazy manipulative pranks, she's the only one who understands how I can still love him.
We are fairly certain that we are "one and done", but it's more because we're worried about being able to provide (more emotionally and time-wise than financially) for more than just the one. Miles is a handful, and I would hate to 'neglect' the needs of another because he is so high-maintenance. And on the flip side, I'd hate to 'neglect' Miles for the sake of another baby.
I have two kids. DS is 3 and DD is 16 months. DS LOVES his sister. Everywhere we go, he shows he off and hugs her. I don't regret it for a second. They are close despite their fights. They love each other and always want each other's company. I don't think a sibling would ever be a negative thing.
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Tizzle 10/07 ~ Boppy 7/09 ~ Chicken 1/12
Books read in 2013: ~ Audiobooks listened to in 2013: 3
Currently reading: The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon
Currently listening to: The Dark Divine by Bree Despain
my currently-reading shelf:
I am totally aware of that, believe me. And if he did, then he would be MY and DH problem, 100%. He would NOT be the problem of another sibling in our home, because there wouldn't be one, KWIM? Even if he turns out to be brutal, and our second child was wonderful, it would still be the same issue. I'd obviously love both of my children the same. I wouldn't want DS to be the jerk that makes his sibling's life hellish, and I wouldn't want his sibling to be the jerk that makes his life hellish.
While I know I cannot guarantee Moses a wonderful childhood and/or life, I can guarantee him a stable and loving home. That I can do.
yeah I know what you mean. I apologize if that came off rude or snarky. Having issues with adult siblings myself, I can honestly say that even with our problems now I wouldn't want to change the childhood we had together.
I have 2 siblings. One, I can't say enough awful things about and the other, I just don't know that well, is MUCH younger than me, and we just have nothing in common. Because there are no guarantees in life, I would rather keep the third bedroom as my closet/dressing room rather than take the chance, the work and expense on/of another child. You couldn't pay me, give me an outside uterus, or hypnotize me into having another child. I love mine, but it's a shitload of work, I'm 36, I like being able to do my own thing when I want, I like what we have to offer him monetarily that would be compromised with a 2nd, and more.
I don't feel I benefited at all from having siblings, always wished I was an only, even as a small child, and can't see having another just to roll the dice. It also took me like 10 mo to get my body back. Who needs to do that again?? I could go on and on and on.
I feel no guilt whatsoever about not giving E a sibling. That's life. We all have different backgrounds and situations. His is going to be that he's an only child. He'll deal just fine or he'll end up in therapy like the rest of the country.
People who have siblings they love to death are never going to be able to give an objective answer. They think it's "mean" not to give your child a sibling. This is one of those questions only you know the answer to whether you want to have another child or not. It's not like you can try it out and give it back if it doesn't work out.