I need your advice ladies!

SkyBee · November 2010

My MIL just brought me an invitation to my SILs baby shower. What should I do? I don't want to go, but I am betting my absence would cause massive drama. I cant even walk into a Babies R Us without having my heart break, hence I am sending my mom to pick up SIL's gift. I just had my 6th IUI. My inlaws have NO idea anything about our infertility and just last week they had us all sit as an entire family and watch the ultrasound video for my SIL. (I nearly left because I can't let them see me cry.) I don't think I can sit there for even 5 minutes seeing baby clothes, etc, without becoming the center of attention because I will be crying the entire time. I don't want to be selfish. But at the same time, it would hurt....bad. I mean, they don't even know that I will never have my husbands children. EVER. What would you do? Please don't answer if you have something snarky to say about me being a bitter infertile.

Crazijewel · November 2010

I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

staycee · November 2010

I totally totally understand. (I once bawled through an entire church service because a family with 4 kids and a newborn sat right in front of us).

I think that being forced to sit through the u/s video was plenty for you at this point. Do not go to that shower. Send a nice card and gift, but bow out of attending. If you have to say you are really sorry you have to miss it but you are "otherwise engaged" that day. (lie if you think it will help with the drama).

Or don't give a reason, and if there is massive drama - who the eff cares. That's theire problem then.

catahoulatte · November 2010

staycee:

I totally totally understand.   (I once bawled through an entire church service because a family with 4 kids and a newborn sat right in front of us).

I think that being forced to sit through the u/s video was plenty for you at this point. Do not go to that shower. Send a nice card and gift, but bow out of attending.   If you have to say you are really sorry you have to miss it but you are "otherwise engaged" that day. (lie if you think it will help with the drama).

Or don't give a reason, and if there is massive drama - who the eff cares. That's theire problem then.

Yes I'm so sorry, girl. I hope you have some amazing news after this IUI. I'll be hoping and praying for you.

emandbry522 · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

This!

Good Luck!

catahoulatte · November 2010

ugh. Bump burp. Stupid error messages

TanyaKM · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I agree! Also, maybe send your SIL a note afterwards saying how sorry you are that you couldn't make it because you got sick... maybe then there will be less drama about you not being there.

mchupie · November 2010

I am so so happy to see you. I've been wondering how you are. I hope that this will be your lucky IUI

I really like the sick idea. RSVP that you're going but get 'sick' the day of and give her her gift later.

freejellydonut · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I agree!

bbjoys · November 2010

I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through similar emotions when we were TTC #1, and it was awful. I went almost a year of avoiding my friends because they were either pregnant or had babies. I even had nightmares about GTGs. It sucked. Sad

I personally would just not go, no excuse needed. It's no one's business what you are up to.

SweetD7 · November 2010

I don't think you are a "bitter infertile." What you are going through is hard. I'm so sorry. I agree with the other bumpies about the "sick" excuse. I hope that this cycle is your BFP.

HoneyBee111409 · November 2010

TanyaKM:
Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.
I agree! Also, maybe send your SIL a note afterwards saying how sorry you are that you couldn't make it because you got sick... maybe then there will be less drama about you not being there.

This! And I've missed seeing you around Sky!!

I hope you can get out of it with minimal drama. But I will encourage you - that maybe you should think about telling them sometime. You might be surprised to find support and encouragement from them, and maybe understanding about why situations like a SIL's baby shower would be so hard for you. Definitely not trying to force you if you aren't comfortable- because I can totally understand you wanting your privacy too.

Chin up girl. We love you and are here to listen.

A-D · November 2010

I'm sorry. FWIW, I don't think you're being a 'bitter infertile'. Infertility is hard, and you're a trooper for making it through the U/S video... I mean, who does that anyway? I won't even sit through people's wedding videos, even my own.

Anyway, I agree with PP. Feign illness on the day of and send DH with the gift/card, or else make special effort to visit with your SIL on another day, when there won't be a roomful of women cooing and awing over baby paraphenalia.

Mrs. Mo · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I have done this this more times than I can count. It definitely save a lot of drama than just saying you cannot make it (ahead of time).

SkyBee · November 2010

Thank you so much you guys! I think I feel a lot less guilty about not wanting to go now.

Tomsbabyboo · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I would take this route. I don't think that you're bitter or unreasonable for not wanting to go, knowing how it will make you feel. I truly hope that this IUI is it for you hun! Wishing you the best of luck!

tigerhearted · November 2010

Is it not possible to just tell them what you are going through? I'm assuming you'll probably want to tell them eventually, for one reason or another.

SkyBee · November 2010

tigerhearted:
Is it not possible to just tell them what you are going through? I'm assuming you'll probably want to tell them eventually, for one reason or another.

No, my in laws are crazy. They would dis-own us if they knew we were using donor sperm since DH is sterile. He does not want to be left out of his family of 7 kids because of that.

Ricola · November 2010

mchupie:
I am so so happy to see you. I've been wondering how you are. I hope that this will be your lucky IUI

I really like the sick idea. RSVP that you're going but get 'sick' the day of and give her her gift later.

All of this!

I missed you, Sky, and it's great to see you posting!

Ricola · November 2010

mchupie:
I am so so happy to see you. I've been wondering how you are. I hope that this will be your lucky IUI

I really like the sick idea. RSVP that you're going but get 'sick' the day of and give her her gift later.

All of this!

I missed you, Sky, and it's great to see you posting!

SkyBee · November 2010

Ricola:
mchupie:

I am so so happy to see you. I've been wondering how you are. I hope that this will be your lucky IUI

I really like the sick idea. RSVP that you're going but get 'sick' the day of and give her her gift later.

All of this!

I missed you, Sky, and it's great to see you posting!

Thank you Ricola! I have missed you as well!

Jessiree · November 2010

This is so tough, Sky, and I agree with the other ladies that you are certainly not a "bitter infertile." You are a beautiful and courageous woman, especially to sit through that ultrasound video! I also agree with PPs idea to say you're going and then to get "sick." I hope this works for you, and your BFP is coming soon! GL!

charlsie26 · November 2010

Along with being "sick" say that you don't want "the mother to be" sick or anyone else. Tell them to take pictures and you will catch up with them soon. Good luck with this next IUI!

cantalopes24 · November 2010

Is there anyway for you to have "something else" going on at the same time and show up long enough to drop off the present and huggy huggy kiss kiss the SIL and MIL so they see you there then duck out before presents and games (which are lame IMO anyway)? Or if its a surprise maybe just be there for when she walks in the door? I know they have a huge family maybe if they see you make an appearance at the beginning they wont even notice you arent there sniffing melted candy bars in diapers or ohhing and ahing over the 5th set of bibs?

BetchySprout · November 2010

Tomsbabyboo:

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I would take this route. I don't think that you're bitter or unreasonable for not wanting to go, knowing how it will make you feel. I truly hope that this IUI is it for you hun! Wishing you the best of luck!

Ditto all of this. I am glad they still don't know about the DS...I remember you talking about them before and they sound like wretched people. Just make sure to send a really nice gift. You can buy one off of Amazon, have it gift wrapped, and never have to set foot in a baby store. I hope this is the IUI that works, Sky!

msmarsh · November 2010

SkyBee:
tigerhearted:
Is it not possible to just tell them what you are going through? I'm assuming you'll probably want to tell them eventually, for one reason or another.

No, my in laws are crazy. They would dis-own us if they knew we were using donor sperm since DH is sterile. He does not want to be left out of his family of 7 kids because of that.

Wow Sky. I am so sorry that your ILs would act that way to you guys. With that info, I say use the old sick routine and don't even feel guilty! As long as you and YH are ok with your decision, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

If you are friendly with your SIL I would possibly call or send a note after the shower to say you're sorry you couldn't make it.

SkyBee · November 2010

Pattypoundcake:
Tomsbabyboo:

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

I would take this route. I don't think that you're bitter or unreasonable for not wanting to go, knowing how it will make you feel. I truly hope that this IUI is it for you hun! Wishing you the best of luck!

Ditto all of this. I am glad they still don't know about the DS...I remember you talking about them before and they sound like wretched people. Just make sure to send a really nice gift. You can buy one off of Amazon, have it gift wrapped, and never have to set foot in a baby store. I hope this is the IUI that works, Sky!

Thank you so much!

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

I'd probably fake sick, too. I'm so sorry, SkyBee. Watching the U/S sounds like torture for anyone.

MillerTime13 · November 2010

I echo what everyone else has said, and just wanted to say that it's nice to see you around here. I hope this is it for you!

stacyc1080 · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

stacyc1080 · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

totally this! Yes

melissa721 · November 2010

I'm so sorry girl. I agree you should be "sick."

sapphirewolfkdv · November 2010

I am so sorry you're having to deal with that. It's too bad your ILs would be so insupportive. That is awful. I agree with the previous posters. Go with the sick excuse.

Off topic - would you mind telling me where your wedding picture was taken? You can PM me if you'd rather, but I see you're from Utah so I'm curious. Smile

I truly wish you the best of luck and hope for a little miracle for you guys soon. Hang in there!

dominicsmamma · November 2010

Big Hugs to you hun!

I agree I say you are sick that day!

SkyBee · November 2010

sapphirewolfkdv:

I am so sorry you're having to deal with that. It's too bad your ILs would be so insupportive. That is awful. I agree with the previous posters. Go with the sick excuse.

Off topic - would you mind telling me where your wedding picture was taken? You can PM me if you'd rather, but I see you're from Utah so I'm curious.

I truly wish you the best of luck and hope for a little miracle for you guys soon. Hang in there!

Sure! I can tell which temple you were married in with your picture! We were married there as well, and the photographer took us for a walk into downtown where they are doing construction going south from the temple grounds. It was the "Board walk" thing by key bank! What part of utah are you from?

brandywine2010 · November 2010

I am so sorry that you had to go through watching the u/s video. I hate that your in-laws are like that, but I can totally understand. I agree with other posters. I would RSVP that I was coming and then become sick. Like Patty said, you can order a nice gift from Amazon and not have to "shop" for the gift. I like Ms.Marsh's idea of sending a nice note afterward to send your well wishes and apologies for not making it. If I were in your SIL's shoes, I would be appreciative of your thoughts.

Most of all Sky, I hope that you will hang in there. I know how stressful 1 IUI was, I can't imagine going through 6. Know that we are here for you and you can vent to us anytime. I hope things in the TTC world look up for you and YH very soon.

SkyBee · November 2010

brandywine2010:

I am so sorry that you had to go through watching the u/s video. I hate that your in-laws are like that, but I can totally understand. I agree with other posters. I would RSVP that I was coming and then become sick. Like Patty said, you can order a nice gift from Amazon and not have to "shop" for the gift. I like Ms.Marsh's idea of sending a nice note afterward to send your well wishes and apologies for not making it. If I were in your SIL's shoes, I would be appreciative of your thoughts.

Most of all Sky, I hope that you will hang in there. I know how stressful 1 IUI was, I can't imagine going through 6. Know that we are here for you and you can vent to us anytime. I hope things in the TTC world look up for you and YH very soon.

Thank you!

A-D · November 2010

SkyBee:

tigerhearted:
Is it not possible to just tell them what you are going through? I'm assuming you'll probably want to tell them eventually, for one reason or another.

No, my in laws are crazy. They would dis-own us if they knew we were using donor sperm since DH is sterile. He does not want to be left out of his family of 7 kids because of that.

They are kind of diicks then, aren't they? I don't understand how people can 'disown' their family for something that is clearly not their fault.

SkyBee · November 2010

A-D:
SkyBee:

tigerhearted:
Is it not possible to just tell them what you are going through? I'm assuming you'll probably want to tell them eventually, for one reason or another.

No, my in laws are crazy. They would dis-own us if they knew we were using donor sperm since DH is sterile. He does not want to be left out of his family of 7 kids because of that.

They are kind of diicks then, aren't they? I don't understand how people can 'disown' their family for something that is clearly not their fault.

They really are loony. Strange ideas and very judgemental. It has been rough trying to deal with them......

jennyhazz · November 2010

You are not a "bitter infertile" in any way, shape or form. I'm sorry that you're feeling scared/sad/nervous about it; go with your gut and don't go.

Everything crossed for you this cycle, my dear....

lynn97 · November 2010

Crazijewel:
I would tell that you are going and then that day back out because you are "sick". What they don't know, won't hurt them. Don't put yourself through that. Good luck.

This. I don't think you're a bitter infertile at all! I think your situation is incredibly tough w/all that you're going through. I hope you get your BFP SOON!!!

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