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Discipline, when does it start?

jkyliejkylie member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

No, im not talking about spanking. but i guess more about using a tone that this is more assertive.

Of course, i know discipline starts NOW, from birth. 

My question stems bc a friend of mine whose baby is three weeks older than DD has already "disciplined" in ways that i have scrunched my nose at. 

For example, she will be on the floor and crawl over to a potted plant. Friend says NO and removes her. Baby, crawls back over to it. Friend says no and removes her. Baby does it a third time, this time she raises her voice and smacks her (im talking tiny little smack on the hand maybe even bottom).

Is this kinda of discipline productive at this age? I just dont see this or any type of discipline productive for what i still consider infants.

Not to mention, DD hasn't even done anything REMOTELY close to anything that I would get angry at her about.

Thoughts?

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Re: Discipline, when does it start?

  • Zoie2010Zoie2010
    Mildly, yes. It is in part to her looking right at us and smiling and going right after it even if we have engaged with her to do other things with us. More for safety though so that more and more she will at least stop at the time even if she hasn't learned danger untill after it happens at this age. Now, our DD comes to us, not always but she will at least acknowledge us and gives a response.
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  • 12bailey1812bailey18 member
    I do what your friend does when LO may get into something that he doesn't need to but I don't always wait until the 3rd time. Sometimes, though if I say No (firmly,) and distract him with something else, he moves on and forgets what he previously wanted. I don't think it's too young to discipline, that's just me though.

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  • Hot Sauce on a StickHot Sauce on a Stick

    I've smacked fingers as early as 8 months with my kids. But not for something trivial (pulling all the DVDs off the shelf). They only got their fingers smacked for doing something dangerous.

    Example: Lily goes for the nightlight plugged into the wall in the living room. I see her reaching and she gets told "No, Lily. That's hot." in a firm voice. She reaches a few times and gets told no each time. I go and sit beside her and she reaches again. This time I let her touch it and as soon as her fingers make contact I take her hand and smack her fingers (and by "smack" I mean that I use two of my fingers and sharply tap her hand) and tell her, "No, Lily. That's hot."

    She gets it by then.

    (We use "hot" for the plugs, the stove/oven and mommy's flat irons/curling irons. Even if the stove/oven or my flat irons aren't on or hot, she's not allowed to touch them. Neither, for that matter, is my DS.)

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  • sunnybrook.sunnybrook. member
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.
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  • Hot Sauce on a StickHot Sauce on a Stick

    imagesunnybrook.:
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.

    I disagree. Sure, she may not think, "Oh, mom said no." next time she goes to touch the nightlight. But, now when she goes to touch it all it takes is one or two "No, Lily. That's hot." instead of the 4-5 + a finger smack that it took 3 weeks ago.

    I wholeheartedly believe that kids are extremely intelligent and will push boundries even at a young age.

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  • 12bailey1812bailey18 member
    imageHotSauceonaStick:

    imagesunnybrook.:
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.

    I disagree. Sure, she may not think, "Oh, mom said no." next time she goes to touch the nightlight. But, now when she goes to touch it all it takes is one or two "No, Lily. That's hot." instead of the 4-5 + a finger smack that it took 3 weeks ago.

    I wholeheartedly believe that kids are extremely intelligent and will push boundries even at a young age.

    Exactly.


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  • jkyliejkylie member

    I appreciate yalls input.

    Im a new mom (obviously) so these things aren't clear to me yet. 

    I think the way sunnybrook does, and think there is no way she can comprehend the word no and understand limitations. 

    I generally just pick her up and move her and say "no, that is not for baby".

    She is distracted by this and doesn't go back. 

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  • Hot Sauce on a StickHot Sauce on a Stick
    imagejkylie:

    I appreciate yalls input.

    Im a new mom (obviously) so these things aren't clear to me yet. 

    I think the way sunnybrook does, and think there is no way she can comprehend the word no and understand limitations. 

    I generally just pick her up and move her and say "no, that is not for baby".

    She is distracted by this and doesn't go back. 

    You're so cute with your southern slang...  Wink

    Honestly, I don't remember when I started disciplining Nate with the finger smacks, etc. I only know I did with Lily at 8 months. I wonder if I did it earlier with her because I already had one that I had disciplined (successfully!) and it was just second nature...

    Now I'm curious as to if there have been any studies done on this...damn you and your thought provoking questions!  Wink

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  • sunnybrook.sunnybrook. member
    image12bailey18:
    imageHotSauceonaStick:

    imagesunnybrook.:
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.

    I disagree. Sure, she may not think, "Oh, mom said no." next time she goes to touch the nightlight. But, now when she goes to touch it all it takes is one or two "No, Lily. That's hot." instead of the 4-5 + a finger smack that it took 3 weeks ago.

    I wholeheartedly believe that kids are extremely intelligent and will push boundries even at a young age.

    Exactly.

    Exactly to what's in bold. They are intelligent and what they are learning is to hit. Not something I want to teach. My girls have learned not to put cords in their mouth or bite me or each other....they respond properly to no and I've never had to smack their hand to get them to listen. A stern no and redirection at this age is very effective. It may not work for all LOs, but it works for mine.

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  • annapolischickannapolischick member

    I do what your friend does. I will always try to distract DD. I tell her no and try  to distract her... but she's a VERY determined child... to the point that I'll put her in a completely different room and she'll crawl back to what i was taking her away from. So we will "tap" her hand. Most the time she'll laugh at us... sometimes she'll lay her head on the ground and pitty cry then look to see if i'm watching. lol

    Pick your poison and don't back off. that's the most important. Babies are also smarter then distraction

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  • Hot Sauce on a StickHot Sauce on a Stick
    imagesunnybrook.:
    image12bailey18:
    imageHotSauceonaStick:

    imagesunnybrook.:
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.

    I disagree. Sure, she may not think, "Oh, mom said no." next time she goes to touch the nightlight. But, now when she goes to touch it all it takes is one or two "No, Lily. That's hot." instead of the 4-5 + a finger smack that it took 3 weeks ago.

    I wholeheartedly believe that kids are extremely intelligent and will push boundries even at a young age.

    Exactly.

    Exactly to what's in bold. They are intelligent and what they are learning is to hit. Not something I want to teach. My girls have learned not to put cords in their mouth or bite me or each other....they respond properly to no and I've never had to smack their hand to get them to listen. A stern no and redirection at this age is very effective. It may not work for all LOs, but it works for mine.

    I hate that "You're teaching them to hit" argument because it's false. Parents who get angry and beat their children teach them that it's OK to hit. I am not one of those parents.

    I have an almost 4 year old that has hit another child maybe three times in his entire life and he's been in daycare since he was 3 weeks old. (I ran a daycare in my home and then he went to a center at 18 months when I went back to work.) I disciplined him the same way. As I mentioned earlier, I can't remember exactly when I started, but it was right about the time he turned one.

    I don't beat my children. I'm not scarring them for life. I'm disciplining them and I will continue to do it the way I have for the last three years. I've been told by every teacher he's had at daycare since he was 18 months old as well as his 4 preschool teachers/aides that he is the sweetest and most polite little boy that they've seen in a long time. Obviously something is working and "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

    Amazingly enough, he doesn't pound on every child he comes in contact with.

    Please don't ever imply again that I am a bad mother because of the way I discipline my children. I would never dream of saying that you're teaching your children that they can do whatever they want without consequences because that's rude and it's a HUGE generalization that is likely not true. Everyone has a different parenting style and what's important is what works for them.

    This is a test. This is only a test.
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  • dionnemd10dionnemd10 member

    i do the move away thing-but if he touches something like a cord or outlet he might get a gentle hand slap to know that is an "owie" spot.   or i guess it is more like a hand pat with No No that will hurt you.   or don't touch.   everyone will discipline differently and in a style that works for them and their child.    it sounds like your friend hasn't babyproofed and is preferring to try to teach her child what can and can't be touched (which is not often a bad thing).  

     

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  • sunnybrook.sunnybrook. member
    imageHotSauceonaStick:
    imagesunnybrook.:
    image12bailey18:
    imageHotSauceonaStick:

    imagesunnybrook.:
    I don't think what your friend is doing is productive at all. I have started teaching my girls "no," but so far it's only in the context of "no biting." I say it once and if they do it again, I distract them with something completely different. I would never dream of hitting them or thinking they will remember the limitation 5 seconds later.

    I disagree. Sure, she may not think, "Oh, mom said no." next time she goes to touch the nightlight. But, now when she goes to touch it all it takes is one or two "No, Lily. That's hot." instead of the 4-5 + a finger smack that it took 3 weeks ago.

    I wholeheartedly believe that kids are extremely intelligent and will push boundries even at a young age.

    Exactly.

    Exactly to what's in bold. They are intelligent and what they are learning is to hit. Not something I want to teach. My girls have learned not to put cords in their mouth or bite me or each other....they respond properly to no and I've never had to smack their hand to get them to listen. A stern no and redirection at this age is very effective. It may not work for all LOs, but it works for mine.

    I hate that "You're teaching them to hit" argument because it's false. Parents who get angry and beat their children teach them that it's OK to hit. I am not one of those parents.

    I have an almost 4 year old that has hit another child maybe three times in his entire life and he's been in daycare since he was 3 weeks old. (I ran a daycare in my home and then he went to a center at 18 months when I went back to work.) I disciplined him the same way. As I mentioned earlier, I can't remember exactly when I started, but it was right about the time he turned one.

    I don't beat my children. I'm not scarring them for life. I'm disciplining them and I will continue to do it the way I have for the last three years. I've been told by every teacher he's had at daycare since he was 18 months old as well as his 4 preschool teachers/aides that he is the sweetest and most polite little boy that they've seen in a long time. Obviously something is working and "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

    Amazingly enough, he doesn't pound on every child he comes in contact with.

    Please don't ever imply again that I am a bad mother because of the way I discipline my children. I would never dream of saying that you're teaching your children that they can do whatever they want without consequences because that's rude and it's a HUGE generalization that is likely not true. Everyone has a different parenting style and what's important is what works for them.

    I did not imply that you're a bad mother. I said that children who are hit are taught to hit. This is a fact. Study after study has made the determination, not me. It doesn't mean that every child who is spanked/hit will hit others, but it does teach them that hitting is an option. I don't believe that a child who is spanked or hit (not beat) will forever be scarred or traumatized, but I don't think it is appropriate to hit an infant. It may be a effective and fast, but it isn't without consequences.

    As a foster parent, I had to learn how to discipline little ones with issues without laying a hand on them. It can be done but it takes more time than hitting or spanking. The benefits are so worth it though. There's tons of studies out there on the effects of hitting and spanking, esp infants. I don't judge those that hit, but I do think that they haven't really given it the time and research they should in order to make an informed decision on how to discipline.

    Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Child

    Spanking Detrimental to Children, Study Says

    Spanking in Early Childhood and Later Behavior Problems

    Spanking Infants Associated with Behavior Problems

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  • Lusterb5@gmail.comLusterb5@gmail.com member
    Usually what i do when Abigail is getting into something she isn't supposed to be in i say "no we dont play with that (whatevr it may be) but we can play with this..." something to distract her.
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