Cheating husbands.

mcurban · November 2010

I just got off the phone w/ an old high school friend. She has decided to leave her husband after finding out that he has been (extensively) cheating. It seems like this is getting more and more common- or maybe women are in a more financially/ emotionally secure place to get out of relationships when they are no longer happy? I don't know. Anyway- out of curiosity...[Poll]

Emer · November 2010

If I knew about it, he wouldn't be my husband anymore.

I will say this, of the married couples we know well, at least half have cheated at some point in the relationship. And those are things we know about. That doesn't say much of my group of friends, I realize, but it is much more common that I would have thought years ago.

mcurban · November 2010

Emer:
If I knew about it, he wouldn't be my husband anymore.
I will say this, of the married couples we know well, at least half have cheated at some point in the relationship. And those are things we know about. That doesn't say much of my group of friends, I realize, but it is much more common that I would have thought years ago.

Agree (not about it not saying much about your friends, but about it being more common). I guess I was just very naive about it. But, then, I think about relationships leading up to marriage and I knew a TON of people who cheated in their, then serious, relationships (myself included).

ShernRich · November 2010

No, neither of us has cheated (nobody wants us but each other anyway..lol) Seriously, 2010 has been the divorce year for five (Yes 5) of our very closest friends. All because of cheating. I'm still shocked by this.. The bad thing is that all of them have children involved. It does seem like more couples are getting divorced so quickly. I will say that of the five, four of my friends all had infidelity issues, or suspecting cheating years before marriage while dating their SOs. Maybe folks are too quick to get married these days? I don't know, but it's sad.

AustinMimi · November 2010

I also feel like I hear more and more about cheating. It seems like emotional affairs (not just sex) are becoming more common too. Maybe these things have always happened and people just weren't open about them before?

MrsBeckO · November 2010

MrsRosie:
I could never be in the "I know but he doesn't know I know" camp unless I was plotting some kind of Youtube award-winning revenge video.

Uh, same here! The minute I thought/knew something was up, I'd be all over his ass about it. And he'd be out the door.

FusionLMT · November 2010

I think the massive increase in social networking sites leads people to more easily go adrift. There is a whole website facebookcheating.com that addresses this. Some interesting stats from an article on this:

"A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.

Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases."

ali-1411 · November 2010

FusionLMT:
I think the massive increase in social networking sites leads people to more easily go adrift. There is a whole website facebookcheating.com that addresses this. Some interesting stats from an article on this:

"A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.
Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases."

I wonder, are people actually cheating more? Or does Facebook just make it easier to find out about it?

ssinca · November 2010

FusionLMT:
I think the massive increase in social networking sites leads people to more easily go adrift. There is a whole website facebookcheating.com that addresses this. Some interesting stats from an article on this:

"A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.
Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases."

interesting. maybe because FB is more accessible - and it's free. you don't need to sign up for a match.com or ashleymadison.com to peruse. and people (stupidly, IMHO) put way too muchshit out there on the interwebz.

batsteph · November 2010

DH and I know both husbands who've cheated and wives who've cheated. Some of their spouses know, some of them don't. (Always delightfully awkward at parties...) Some of the spouses who know have divorced the one who cheated; some have decided to stay together.

There does seem to be a lot more cheating going on than what I was aware of as a kid and even as a young adult, but then, maybe you don't really learn about it until most of your peer group is also married. And of course it's not something parents would discuss with their children. Maybe the amount of cheating has stayed static over the years. Who knows? As far as I'm concerned, though, any cheating is too much cheating.

If DH were to cheat, he'd be out the door as soon as he tried to walk back in. I don't think I could ever trust a cheater again, but also, I don't ever want to teach my boys that cheating's okay. I'm sure there must be ways to stay married and still create a good marriage example for your children, but I know I couldn't do it.

Temp919044062507573 · November 2010

I didn't vote seeing as how I'm not currently married but will say that this was a huge part of why my marriage did not last.

I do also agree with PP in that people are probably getting married to quickly today...I think many are in love with the idea of being in love, a wedding, marriage and the ideal life that is painted in the perfect picture.

Kristen0709 · November 2010

I agree with pp about knowing and DH not knowing I know. I couldn't not say anything. Up until a couple of years ago I always said that if I found out he ever cheated he'd be gone but the more I think about it I really don't know what I would do. I think it depends all on the relationship(s) he had and what transpired. I think that if a marriage can truly get past it then that's great but I think if you stay you can't hold it against them forever, you have to either forgive or not and by staying I think you're choosing to forgive. I can't even imagine what it's like to have that happen, it must be awful.

Mrs.Froggianna · November 2010

I'm fairly certain (though never say never, blah blah) that DH wouldn't cheat on me. Know why? Because it would be grossly inefficient. And he is THAT nerdy engineer type that would rather confront me with a divorce than waste the time it takes to sneak around and cheat. Guess there's some comfort in that, right? Geeked

KittyFX · November 2010

I think there is definitely more cheating than there used to be. I also think that social networking and texting and all of the ways we can easily contact people now contributes to it. I had a coworker who was divorcing due to his wife reconnecting with her HS ex on FB and ended up cheating. Also, communicating via text or email removes some inhibitions.

ndluvsrk · November 2010

One of my close friends is going through the same thing right now. Sad

I agree that I think more and more women are less willing to put up with it.

A&Jmom · November 2010

I have only had two friends divorced so far, both for cheating but it was the woman doing the cheating. Tongue Tied

SaraLouiseBride08 · November 2010

Kristen0709:
I agree with pp about knowing and DH not knowing I know. I couldn't not say anything. Up until a couple of years ago I always said that if I found out he ever cheated he'd be gone but the more I think about it I really don't know what I would do. I think it depends all on the relationship(s) he had and what transpired.

Exactly what I wanted to say!

I don't know if I think there is more cheating by men, but maybe just less women willing to put up with it? Or less women who have to put up with it. I don't know if the "You cheat, it's over" attitude is a healthy one or not. I'm not trying to be rude to anyone, I'm just saying that I'm unsure of my stance on that. LOL, however my husband sure as heck doesn't know this. As far as he's concerned - he cheats, he goes, hahaha!

I also know if I cheated, he would divorce me no questions asked. There's no black or white with him in that area, the marriage would be over and he'd probably never even make an attempt to forgive me.

I didn't expect to already know people who had cheated in marriages... I think I'm one of the younger people on the board, however I know two couples (married less than 3 years) dealing with cheating right now. In one, the wife cheated. Cheating was an issue before the marriage and they are still together. In the other, the wife is rumored to be cheating, hence the possible impending divorce. Again, cheating was an issue before they were married, but it was the husband who did the cheating and now (supposedly) it's the wife.

sheilam1983 · November 2010

I feel very secure in my current marraige as far as fidelity goes. Now my last one, I'm not so sure.

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