Got kicked off of Homeroom Mom duty. (long)

susanlovestexas · November 2010

My oldest is in Kindergarten and when we went to meet the teacher night, I signed up to be the homeroom mom. I have always wanted to be involved and this seemed like a good way to get started. It was going fine for a while. I kept asking the teacher when we could get together to make plans for the parties and field trips, etc. She told me she needed more time to think about it and she would get back to me, but I never heard from her.

Anyway, I mentioned to her during parent/teacher conference week that I am pregnant and have been very sick from m/s. I never heard from her after that. The Halloween party came and went without so much as an email about it. Honestly, I wasn unsure if they were even having a party until my daughter came home and told me they had one. Then, last week, I received an email from another class mom saying the teacher had spoken to her and told her I was sick and she thought maybe this other mom should take over as homeroom mom for me. I was shocked. If the teacher had a problem with me, why wouldn't she come to me first?? I told her again and again to let me know how to help and instead, she makes up an excuse for me and asks someone else to do it! Sure, I'm sick, but it hasn't stopped me from caring for my children and wouldn't have stood in the way of me helping out at the school. I tried not to care, but I'm just really hurt and disappointed over the whole situation.

susanlovestexas · November 2010

-auntie-:

I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt over this.

A couple of things may have happened.

She may have felt you were opting out when you commented on feeling sick.

She may have had concerns about you going the distance, with a baby due in May; would you be up to field trips and the end of year festivities?

She may have had concerns about you having another child; most teachers don't want a preschooler tagging along on events with their volunteer moms.

My best guess is that she asked a mom with whom she has worked before, who is laid back and understands the room mom role as the teacher sees it.

I don't see how mentioning in coversation one day that I wasn't feeling well could be taken as opting out. And unless something crazy happens I would be able to take care of things right up until the baby is born. After that, there isn't much left and I was confident the assitant hr mom could handle it. I am well aware that it's inappropriate to bring siblings along to most school festivities and that was never an issue. Also, it seems unlikely she chose a mom she has worked with before because it's her first year teaching.

indigo91804 · November 2010

Still if you were assigned Homeroom mom, the teacher should have talked to you regardless if someone else was more "qualified". It is the right and professional thing to do on her part. I'd email both the teacher and then the other mom to clarify the situation. Maybe you and the other mom could work together.

HarmsMomma · November 2010

-auntie-:

Maybe some other "more experienced" mom also signed up and she went with that person instead. That happened to me a couple of times because my son is an only and teachers tend to go with people who they either know or come recommended to them.

At DS's elementary there was a coven of alpha moms who made the assignments for such things. The most I was allowed to do was sell stuff and do bulletin boards. It was frustrating to be sure.

This is 110% true at our school too. Sad I'm sorry that she did that to you, and I'd take some time to cool down, maybe then send her an email.

Dear XXX Teacher,

I just wanted to touch base with you. I know I had signed up to be homeroom mom, but I've heard through the grapevine that you've asked XX Mom to take over. I just wanted to let you know that I was still interested in being homeroom mom and look forward to working with you in the future.

Thank you so much, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

XYZ Mom

Or something along those lines. A little passive agressive, but you let her know that you are still interested, plan on volunteering, and expect to be hearing from her.

Good luck!

ValAndRyan · November 2010

Homeroom mom is not rocket science so for a K teacher to try and actually go to someone else because they came recommended is ridiculous. She had no right to "let you go" because you mentioned you were dealing with m/s. That was for you to decide. Sounds like favoritism to me. I'd write a nice short letter explaining what happened and sorry she misread what you were saying. Cc the principal maybe too. That's so weird!

littlemermaid · November 2010

I would speak to the teacher and kindly let her know that there must of been some sort of miscommunication since you never said you didn't want to be homeroom mom and if it would be ok to co-chair the position. Then I'd email the "new" homeroom mom and ask her if you could still help out since apparently there was a miscommunication between you and the teacher.

ValAndRyan · November 2010

-auntie-:
Depending on the school and how these things are done, one could volunteer to be room mom and never be picked for the position. Just because you want the position doesn't make it yours. Depending on the level of need in the organization, they can be pretty ruthless.

Sounds like she had the position though.

Are you from New Hope, PA? That's close to where I am.

ValAndRyan · November 2010

-auntie-:
Near New Hope now. CRSD these days.

The OP said she signed up for the position, she never specifically said that it was confirmed by the teacher. Where I am parents sign for those positions they'd prefer and are assigned based on what they put down. In the early grades, lots of moms sign on for room mother.

Nice to "meet" you then. We're in UMSD.

I guess I read it wrong. It's pretty weird though that the teacher never got back to her after she said she would. Oh well.

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Got kicked off of Homeroom Mom duty. (long)

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