- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Airing out my dirty laundry... need advice. Long.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Airing out my dirty laundry... need advice. Long.
The OP said that the other family members see him. I think the difference is that this women assaulted her in front of her own children. If she has no control over her emotions in front of her own children then she probably can't control them in front of mine.
OTOH: I think that you should not allow SIL to be left alone with your DS. If your SO other is there and protecting your child than all should be fine. I think this is why Irish feels you are using your son as a punishment. There has to be a middle ground. I would trust DH to be able to watch our son and get him out of any situation, IF, one may arise.
I'm not innocent by any means lol.
Some things on their part...
"You tricked my brother into getting you pregnant."
"You are a terrible mother and hand off your child to whoever is around."
"If you ever talk to my brother again, I'm calling DCF on you."
"You abuse your son... *eye roll*"
And by me...
"I think you are crazy."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah"
"I'd like for you to stop yelling in front of Connor"
And to lead to the punch was...
"*yelling* COULD YOU PLEASE GROW THE HELL UP AND STOP YELLING IN FRONT OF CHILDREN!"
"
Thank you, I agree with this. I think the middle ground here is the right answer. But again, that doesn't justify your SO's actions. I agree he was in the wrong.
My apologies if you have already answered this and I didn't see it. Why did she punch you? I mean, I doubt you were just standing there minding your own business and she came up and punched you from behind. Most people need to be provoked. Not that it makes it right, by any means.
I'm just saying that I seriously doubt your son is in any harm. Do you really think your SO would physically put him in harms way? He is his father after all...
I don't think you are wrong for not wanting your child around someone who hit you. However, if this fight happened in front of three little kids I don't only question your SIL, I question you as well.
Who not only fights in front of children, but lets it get to the point where it becomes physical? Always, always, always walk away when someone is that angry. You don't start yelling and tossing around insults.
Lol no, we aren't married. We do live together, and no we've never broken up.
Well, I tried walking away. The only problem was is that I was in their house visiting, and SO was out. I went into his old room and they followed me up there (his mom and SIL) and told me I can't run away from this like I always do... (?). Oh well. There's honestly nothing I could have done short of calling the police, but that would have been too much for the kids so I just let it go.
If I felt this strongly about something like this I would have jumped in the car and followed S/O to SIL's house to make sure he didn't get hurt.
This exactly...
We're a one car family.
OP, if there is that much bad blood between you and his family you are NEVER going to have any peace in this relationship. And as I said before, your SO has already shown where you rate and these people sound toxic. You need to get a lawyer NOW and get a custody arrangement in place. Seriously.
So did the punch happen before or after you went upstairs and shut the door?
I really think you need to take a look at your role in all of this. I'm not saying it's okay for your SIL to hit you but it really doesn't sound like you are 100% innocent.
Bus, taxi, walk, call a friend for a ride?
I posted the whole argument above. And I went upstairs, didn't shut the door, as soon as she started arguing with me.
I was being sarcastic lol, I mean, we only have one car. But going over there would have caused more problems, and again, I don't like fighting in front of children, or at all.
Well, then if she started arguing with you after you went upstairs, what you should have done is shut the door and not even gotten involved in an argument. Lesson learned, next time you'll know to not put yourself in a position where this can happen.
What did you do when she hit you? I'm just curious why you didn't file a police report.
I'm sorry but you are giving mixed signals here. If you are THAT worried about her, you would have gone there regardless of the repurcusions.
This exactly
SO told me it was a bad idea, and that it would cause more problems in his family. I listened, and didn't do it.
I know Adam wouldn't let anything happen to Connor. That doesn't fix the whole point of this post that he took Connor against my word and told me he wasn't coming home.
I think it plays into the whole thing. This isn't something that would usually happen between upper middle class people in their 30s and 40s.
Do you really think your child is in danger by visiting her? She is his aunt. If you do believe that she is a threat to children then you should have called CPS and reported the incident. She has children you need to think of also.
To me it sounds like you are maybe punishing her by not allowing her to see him. Do you think your SO would allow anything to happen to your LO?
I'm going to assume that she has not made an effort to apologize for hitting you. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a civil talk about this. If his sister is the only thing that you are fighting about and otherwise your marriage is stable, I think you should lay down a ground rule with him-- that the sister needs to apologize to you and be civil. If she does this, he can take DS to visit her. She must not ever act out physically in anger again around him.
Have you tried calling/texting/contacting SO since he left? I agree that it's probably not a good idea to go over to SILs if it's going to result in another heated argument, but can you talk to him and ask him to come back so you can discuss all of this?
Honestly, if C took the babies against my will and threatened to not come back, I would frantically be trying to get in touch with him, or have one of his friends try to talk to him so he would at least come back or meet somewhere to talk.
Honestly? Your SO is a douche and you're better off without him.
He called your bluff and is taking your son to see his sister? Fine. I'd call his bluff and contact a lawyer. I'd petition for full custody and child support. I'd also talk to your lawyer about getting a restraining or protective order covering both you and your son from your SIL. If I were you, I'd have filed a police report the same day I was punched in the face. It was dumb of you not to, because 5 months later it'll be a he said/ she said issue for the judge when you try to get the restraining order. Also, just because I'm a vindictive person by nature, I also would have called CPS and reported domestic violence in the presence of children (some states have laws where it is a crime to assault another person in the presence of children). You said she actually punched you in front of her children, right?
I don't blame you for not wanting this woman around your child. In my opinion, it's irrelevant whether or not she'd be a danger to your child. She is a piece of trash who says terrible things about you in the presence of children, threatens to call CPS on you, and will physically assault you in front of others. She doesn't need to be a physical danger to your son in order to be a toxic person for him to be around. Even if she never hits him, she will surely degrade you in front of him, which will be emotionally disturbing when he's older enough to understand her comments.
I think this is a hill to die on, but you need an attorney ASAP.
I don't understand. If you trust S/O with him, then don't you think he won't let anything happen to him? Also, yes he went against your word, but it is HIS family. If he wouldn't let anything happen to him then why does it matter? It seems like he went against your word because he doesn't agree with you. Maybe you guys need to talk and ask him what HE wants. He probably wants his sister in his sons life.
How long ago was it that this happened? And I agree with PP, it sounds like you using your son as leverage. It also seems like you are being controlling with your SO. I am sure there is a lot more to the story, and I think it was hypocritical that you didn't want yelling around your child, but you yelled yourself in front of him. If it was a big deal, you should have took him and left before it got that far. SO would have been mad maybe, but you guys would have gotten over it, and the punch wouldn't have happened. Then SO wouldn't be so upset that his GF isn't letting his sister see LO... Just sayin!
Frankly, the only way to get peace from crazy inlaws, is to live in another state.
Even then, it's touch and go.
Unless you are both serious about it, you just can't cut anyone off. And clearly that is not the case. I think you and SO need to have a very calm face to face. Maybe even just write a letter for the other one to read over and then set a time to discuss each other's views.
I completely agree.
Again, OP- it is absolutely not ok for your SO's sister to have hit you. Hitting is never ok.
But you said:
When DS was 6 weeks old, my SO's family and I got into a really bad fight. Really mean comments were made on both ends, but words are words.
So, I really don't thin you are as big of a victim as you are making yourself out to be. I really don't buy your story that she only hit you after you told everyone to grow up and stop yelling. If you take it out of context, sure it makes it look like she just up and hit you for no reason. But three grown women were standing in front of small children yelling like idiots and it led to a punch.
The more you post, the more it sounds like you are just using the baby as a pawn to make his family angry. Why not allow SO's sister to visit with him supervised? You are understandably reluctant to allow her around your son after she hit you, but I don't think in this situation you are justified in saying she can never see him again.
Yeah, I would be very worried. I think that you guys need to sit down and have a long calm talk. We all know you both made bad moves in the initial argument. But this situation is not really about that. It's about him disrespecting your wishes and leaving with the baby with out your consent and threatening to not come home. His actions in this situation would make me very concerned and really start to think about things.
I know if DH and I were in this pickle he would never take DS and leave when I asked him not too. He would leave on his own and we would talk later.
I think that sounds a bit snobish. Not trying to get of subject but that line sounds like you are insinuating that because they arent in their 30s or 40s then they arent upper middle class or that they are poor. We dont know their financial situation but I can assure that money doesnt buy manners and class. What the SIL did was trashy.Period. And calling CPS on someone is a bit excessive in this situation and keeping CPS from handling real problems.
However, the cops shouldve been called. Or at least a report shouldve been made so that you had a paper trail. Now if you mention it to a lawyer its hear say and it cant be traced.
I think that sounds a bit snobish. Not trying to get of subject but that line sounds like you are insinuating that because they arent in their 30s or 40s then they arent upper middle class or that they are poor. We dont know their financial situation but I can assure that money doesnt buy manners and class. What the SIL did was trashy.Period. And calling CPS on someone is a bit excessive in this situation and keeping CPS from handling real problems.
However, the cops shouldve been called. Or at least a report shouldve been made so that you had a paper trail. Now if you mention it to a lawyer its hear say and it cant be traced.
I think that sounds a bit snobish. Not trying to get of subject but that line sounds like you are insinuating that because they arent in their 30s or 40s then they arent upper middle class or that they are poor. We dont know their financial situation but I can assure that money doesnt buy manners and class. What the SIL did was trashy.Period. And calling CPS on someone is a bit excessive in this situation and keeping CPS from handling real problems.
However, the cops shouldve been called. Or at least a report shouldve been made so that you had a paper trail. Now if you mention it to a lawyer its hear say and it cant be traced.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
The first time I yelled, she came over to me and hit me. There was a lot of eye rolling, side eyes, and head shaking which just pissed her off because she looked stupid, which I did too. Yeah it was wrong, but that doesn't mean anything now. I don't want my son around her because she hit me. If she was any old person, it wouldn't matter, but since she's SO's sister it becomes a problem. Right now, SO and her are fighting at her house (just talked to him via text), and it's not looking good anyways. She's trash, it's hard to understand over the internet lol.
Your story keeps changing. You all sound trashy to me.
Very well said.
OP, sit down & have a civil talk w your SO. Find out why he took DS w/o your consent & went against your previous agreement to not see your SIL. Be civil & fight fair. Then work out a solution that will most likely involve compromises if you feel your relationship is worth saving. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If you can't compromise, then it'll be hard to salvage your relationship, honestly.
Ooook. Well, thanks for the advice lol.
Bah what a nasty cylce. If you two do stay together I would make firm rules that is isn't apart of your family. Looks like his family does have issues, especially for them to be following you around the house to argue. It's one thing to banter back but to leave the room and to be followed it ridiculous.