This is a crazy boss request, right?

missfire · October 2010

I just had a call with my boss, who is a fairly young guy with no kids. Apparently, his boss, our director, noticed me nodding off in a meeting last week, and had a big discussion with him about "the situation."

The meeting was an hour of sitting through PowerPoint slides about someone else's work (which does not pertain to me), in a dark room at 2 p.m. There were no VIPs or customers in the room, just people in my team who all know I'm pregnant.

My director wanted to know if this was pregnancy related or what. My boss said he didn't know. So now he wants me to get a doctor's note that he can give to our director explaining a medical reason for me nodding off, or wants me to somehow "address the situation" so I can guarantee it doesn't happen again -- his idea is to block off certain times in my calendar when I might be tired!

WTF?? This is crazy, right? I'm tempted to draw a picture of a big middle finger and have my doctor sign it.

ksmielitz · October 2010

Okay...that's completely ridiculous.

You can't GUARANTEE it's not going to happen again...sh!t happens...you're pregnant...no one important was there, what's the big deal?? (And normally I find it a VERY big deal if someone falls asleep during a meeting,) Your boss' boss is an imbecile. I vote for the picture of the big middle finger with your doc's signature!

JessicaG56 · October 2010

wow..i wouldn't even know where to begin with that one!!! i would say i am growing two babies you a**hole!

midnight*sun · October 2010

Hmm. I think maybe he is trying to defend you in asking you to get dr. note, but to go as far as to block off a section of the calendar is pretty rediculous.

AshasaurusRex · October 2010

Just get a print out of all the crazy and lovely changes your body is going through right now, specific to a multiple pregnancy and complete with RLP, multiple trips to the bathroom at night, increased blood volume, all the good nitty gritty stuff and have your Dr sign it. I'm sure he'll get the point even if he is that big of a moron.

This one isn't specific to multiples, but it's pretty good:) https://www.womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/you-are-pregnant/body-changes-discomforts.cfm

OscarQ · October 2010

What the heck does this have to do with pregnancy? 2pm is a natural lull in the day (biometrically) anyway. After lunch, boring topic, dark room zzzzzz. Jeez! They both need to take a chill pill.

Refer him to this https://www.healthyheartsleep.com/patients/sleep-health/about-sleep.asp see the section on Circadian Rhythms.

PinkGrapefuit · October 2010

It's a weird request, but honestly, you shouldn't be falling asleep at work.... even if it's boring and irrelevant to your work.

Erin0922 · October 2010

I'd def get a doc's note, have them block off a chunk of my schedule, and have daily nap time!?

I'm still working on getting my boss (ahem, DS) to let me have potty- breaks! ?

azzyberry · October 2010

PinkGrapefuit:
It's a weird request, but honestly, you shouldn't be falling asleep at work.... even if it's boring and irrelevant to your work.

This.

schoolsoutbride · October 2010

Perhaps you could suggest that you be given time to do your actual work instead of being forced to go to meetings that do not pertain to you, thus draining the precious amount of energy left to get through the day. It's called growing 2 human beings. It's exhausting. Perhaps you could slip him some sleeping pills and invite him to a dumb meeting. Better yet, have your Dr. Rx some ambien to him and then sign under the middle finger. "Take two of these and tell me how you feel"

missfire · October 2010

PinkGrapefuit:
It's a weird request, but honestly, you shouldn't be falling asleep at work.... even if it's boring and irrelevant to your work.

In all seriousness - I don't understand. If I could control it, I definitely wouldn't fall asleep. Generally, I would get up to take a walk to the bathroom, or would multitask to stay engaged. But in a meeting where it would be rude to do either one, suddenly nodding off, I don't know how you think I would control it?

This seems like telling a pregnant woman not to ever fart in public. Obviously we don't do it on purpose - sometimes there's only so much you can do to control it!

JessicaG56 · October 2010

missfire:
PinkGrapefuit:
It's a weird request, but honestly, you shouldn't be falling asleep at work.... even if it's boring and irrelevant to your work.

In all seriousness - I don't understand. If I could control it, I definitely wouldn't fall asleep. Generally, I would get up to take a walk to the bathroom, or would multitask to stay engaged. But in a meeting where it would be rude to do either one, suddenly nodding off, I don't know how you think I would control it?

This seems like telling a pregnant woman not to ever fart in public. Obviously we don't do it on purpose - sometimes there's only so much you can do to control it!

Yes

Nurselorie · October 2010

I have nodded off in a meeting, not pregnant. To get a doctor's note seems so excessive- you don't have a disease! You fell asleep. That's it. Your boss needs to chill!

Jennis22 · October 2010

missfire:
In all seriousness - I don't understand. If I could control it, I definitely wouldn't fall asleep. Generally, I would get up to take a walk to the bathroom, or would multitask to stay engaged. But in a meeting where it would be rude to do either one, suddenly nodding off, I don't know how you think I would control it?
This seems like telling a pregnant woman not to ever fart in public. Obviously we don't do it on purpose - sometimes there's only so much you can do to control it!

I wouldn't feel bad getting up to "go to the bathroom" or "get a drink" a.k.a taking a little walk around the office to wake up a little. Especially if it would help me stay awake. I'm sure they'd be more understanding of that then nodding off.

penguin-kisses · October 2010

You should get a doctor's note excusing you from boring meetings, like high school gym class. That'd be awesome I think.

Jenniferk08 · October 2010

PinkGrapefuit:
It's a weird request, but honestly, you shouldn't be falling asleep at work.... even if it's boring and irrelevant to your work.

this and also the PP who mention your boss is most likely trying to cover for you. My job lets rules slide with me in regards to wearing sneakers to work but no way would they think it's OK to nod off during a meeting even if I am pregnant.

LucyGoosey81 · October 2010

I think you got off lucky if that's all you have to do. Nodding off during a meeting, whatever the topic is, is totally frowned upon. And if it's as comparable to farting while pregnant, I'm kind of thinking that maybe you DO need to talk to your doctor about it. I mean, I'm tired, but that's pretty bad.

lanie30 · October 2010

Excuse me? What do you mean you can't control it? It sounds like you were caught being a total azzwipe of an employee and now you're in *** for it and trying to make them seem crazy.

Falling asleep in a meeting, is NOT ok. I'd have my ass handed to me and shown the door. You can prevent it. And if you really think that you have some sort of disorder which makes it unpreventable you need to see a doctor.

Falling asleep on the job is not ok. You are extremely lucky and I'd be treading carefully from now on if I were you.

AACraven85 · October 2010

missfire:
WTF?? This is crazy, right? I'm tempted to draw a picture of a big middle finger and have my doctor sign it.

This made me actually laugh out loud. Love it

Sheas · October 2010

Really? I did this pre-pregnancy lol!!! Anybody is stupid to have a dark meeting w/ 1 hour worth of power point slides right after lunchtime... especially stupid to make a pregnant lady sit through it. Seems to be a pretty odd request.

lanie30 · October 2010

Sheas:
Really? I did this pre-pregnancy lol!!! Anybody is stupid to have a dark meeting w/ 1 hour worth of power point slides right after lunchtime... especially stupid to make a pregnant lady sit through it. Seems to be a pretty odd request.

I'm sorry, in what WORLD do half of you people live in? I am required to be in several meetings a day. I never got the chance to say "you know what bossy? Lunch makes me sleepy. Is there any way I can postpone that big meeting please because I have a baby in me?"

You know, because its not 1945 and women are expected to work now alongside men. IS it really ok for you to fall asleep in meetings? For all of you? Truly? THIS IS OK?

I'm shocked at the responses here, really. Falling asleep at a meeting is inexcusable behaviour. Pregnancy does not make it ok. And no, it isn't a crazy request. You did something outrageous and you should have to answer for it and promise not to do it again.

fire0513fly · October 2010

You should probably just go on disability now. I mean, god forbid you are driving to/from work and fall asleep at the wheel, seeing as how you can not control it, ya dumb twat.

lanie30 · October 2010

fire0513fly:
You should probably just go on disability now. I mean, god forbid you are driving to/from work and fall asleep at the wheel, seeing as how you can not control it, ya dumb twat.

But firefly, it was the boss' fault for expecting her to eat her lunch and then go to a meeting! Golly goodness, ladies should have nap breaks to rest their swollen uteri!

bell0niner · October 2010

Erin0922:

I'd def get a doc's note, have them block off a chunk of my schedule, and have daily nap time!

I'm still working on getting my boss (ahem, DS) to let me have potty- breaks!

This. I would totally block off from after lunch to 3pm and say no meetings, and at lunch take a nap when you can.

bell0niner · October 2010

lanie30:

Sheas:
Really? I did this pre-pregnancy lol!!! Anybody is stupid to have a dark meeting w/ 1 hour worth of power point slides right after lunchtime... especially stupid to make a pregnant lady sit through it. Seems to be a pretty odd request.

I'm sorry, in what WORLD do half of you people live in? I am required to be in several meetings a day. I never got the chance to say "you know what bossy? Lunch makes me sleepy. Is there any way I can postpone that big meeting please because I have a baby in me?"

You know, because its not 1945 and women are expected to work now alongside men. IS it really ok for you to fall asleep in meetings? For all of you? Truly? THIS IS OK?

I'm shocked at the responses here, really. Falling asleep at a meeting is inexcusable behaviour. Pregnancy does not make it ok. And no, it isn't a crazy request. You did something outrageous and you should have to answer for it and promise not to do it again.

No, it's really not ok to do ever. I have no idea what it feels like to carry twins, though so I feel some sympathy for her. That being said, I think that if you're really that tired consider eating lunch at your desk and taking a nap in your car during your lunch break to combat the problem. If it's really that big of a deal and you cannot stay awake it's time to consider going on short-term (or long-term) disability because you are truly unable to continue your job functions due to your condition.

biblionerd · October 2010

I had a BORING webinar earlier in the week sitting in my boss's office with him watching a powerpoint show/presentation that was awful. He keeps his office dark with the lights out and has a lamp on his desk so it was dim. I had literally just walked in from lunch (stuffed) and he wanted me to join him. About half way through I was fighting it. He is easygoing and was laughing at me for yawning, but mostly because he kept yawning first and I was "catching it". I excused myself and walked around for a minute, went to the bathroom, and grabbed some caffeine. Under no circumstance was I falling asleep in a meeting with my boss. I was fine when I came back but I would much rather excuse myself for a minute first!

alaflam1@mac.com · October 2010

Hi Seattle Momma (I'm in Redmond)

That's crazy! Isn't that some type of discrimination or something? I'd tell him to just get over it, because it's totally normal.

biblionerd · October 2010

alaflam1@mac.com:
Hi Seattle Momma (I'm in Redmond)
That's crazy! Isn't that some type of discrimination or something? I'd tell him to just get over it, because it's totally normal.

I think it's being more lenient towards her because of the pg. A non-pg person might have just gotten fired or written up with no chance for justifying themselves.

HoolahZinger · October 2010

Holy crap, that is insane!!! And it seems like it's a first time offense too so why are they all cranky? They should give you a warning but, as a first time mentioning it and requiring all these documentation is a bit excessive. Hmmm, maybe a talk with HR is due

crazytmogirl · October 2010

alaflam1@mac.com:
Hi Seattle Momma (I'm in Redmond)
That's crazy! Isn't that some type of discrimination or something? I'd tell him to just get over it, because it's totally normal.

You are an idiot. It's NOT totally normal!! You are insane to think it's "some kind of discrimination." Her boss was trying to keep her from getting into the trouble she SHOULD be in, and was asking if it was pregnancy related, hoping he/she could give the director a valid excuse. Unless you have a diagnosis of narcolepsy, there is NO EXCUSE for falling asleep at work! Pregnant or not, I would be fired on the spot.

You people are not disabled. You aren't sick. You are pregnant... It is not a free pass to take a nap at work.

crazytmogirl · October 2010

HoolahZinger:
Holy crap, that is insane!!! And it seems like it's a first time offense too so why are they all cranky? Hmmm, maybe a talk with HR is due

What exactly would you say to HR? "Well, I'm upset because I fell asleep in the staff meeting and the boss guy is mad at me?" Any thing out of my mouth besides, "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again!" would be unacceptable.

HoolahZinger · October 2010

crazytmogirl:
HoolahZinger:
Holy crap, that is insane!!! And it seems like it's a first time offense too so why are they all cranky? Hmmm, maybe a talk with HR is due

What exactly would you say to HR? "Well, I'm upset because I fell asleep in the staff meeting and the boss guy is mad at me?" Any thing out of my mouth besides, "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again!" would be unacceptable.

I would say that there should be a certain chain of disciplinary levels. To go to this extreme right away is silly. Falling asleep is not ok but for leadership to not give a warning first is a bit excessive.

crazytmogirl · October 2010

What kind of warning do you need? We all know it's not acceptable conduct at work. When you are there, on their time and being paid for it, you can't be falling asleep.

OP and the rest of you who seem to think this is perfectly OK and normal, get your sh!t together because if you think you are exhausted now, wait until you are up 4x a night with the kid and then go to work in the morning!

HoolahZinger · October 2010

crazytmogirl:
What kind of warning do you need? We all know it's not acceptable conduct at work. When you are there, on their time and being paid for it, you can't be falling asleep.
OP and the rest of you who seem to think this is perfectly OK and normal, get your sh!t together because if you think you are exhausted now, wait until you are up 4x a night with the kid and then go to work in the morning!

I never said it was ok to fall asleep - definitely not an excuse to fall asleep while pregnant - but to require calendar blocking and doctor's notes are an excessive way to begin disciplinary action on a first offense. It was an accident, needs to be corrected and moved on with. Sheesh, you sound like you need a nap.

lanie30 · October 2010

Discrimination??? that is rich. I think most of you are cracked. A "first time offense"?

boggles my mind. Go get the doctors note, figure out a way to schedule your meetings so that you don't sleep and thank your lucky stars you still have a job. I agree with the others that if you literally can't keep yourself awake its time to go on sick leave.

Your reaction is entitled and dismissive. He isn't the crazy one. Get that.

kristennd · October 2010

I've watched a heck of a lot more male coworkers fall asleep in meetings than female ones, so it's hardly a spoiled princess thing. But I've also never seen anyone fired over it or even disciplined for a first offense. Usually the humiliation gets the point across, after all. It's a pretty minor offense in the scheme of things unless someone is already close to the edge. Of course some corporate cultures are more rigid than others. Just look at the wide range of dress codes for an illustration. But the fact that something is frowned on in one particular environment -- or even with one particular department head -- doesn't make it a universal value.

I wouldn't be too optimistic about getting a doctor involved, however, because people can be sleep-deprived for all kinds of valid reasons. It's not specific to pregnancy.

Edit: And I just noticed the Seattle part. Most of my larger corporate experience was in Portland. So yeah, people in other parts of the country think we have bizarre rules, or a lack thereof. But the point is what is normal corporate culture for your area, not for the east coast, midwest, etc.

lanie30 · October 2010

cruelsound:
Some people are trying way to hard to be biitchy in this thread.
It ain't workin', ladies.

You're right, we should all just say "oh you poor muffin! You sleep whenever you want! You are pregnant and everyone knows pregnant women don't need to work like everyone else ya'll! Your boss is a MEANIE.

Nah, I think the OP is an idiot for thinking it isn't utterly humiliating and a big mistake that needs fixing.

AshasaurusRex · October 2010

lanie30:
cruelsound:

Some people are trying way to hard to be biitchy in this thread.

It ain't workin', ladies.

You're right, we should all just say "oh you poor muffin! You sleep whenever you want! You are pregnant and everyone knows pregnant women don't need to work like everyone else ya'll! Your boss is a MEANIE.

Nah, I think the OP is an idiot for thinking it isn't utterly humiliating and a big mistake that needs fixing.

And I think you're an idiot for caring waaaaaay to much about this OP's "humiliating" mistake. It's obvious you're acting like a total b!tch to seem all cool and tough and mean. FAIL. No one is impressed impressed by you.

lanie30 · October 2010

AshfieldMay:
lanie30:
cruelsound:

Some people are trying way to hard to be biitchy in this thread.

It ain't workin', ladies.

You're right, we should all just say "oh you poor muffin! You sleep whenever you want! You are pregnant and everyone knows pregnant women don't need to work like everyone else ya'll! Your boss is a MEANIE.

Nah, I think the OP is an idiot for thinking it isn't utterly humiliating and a big mistake that needs fixing.

And I think you're an idiot for caring waaaaaay to much about this OP's "humiliating" mistake. It's obvious you're acting like a total b!tch to seem all cool and tough and mean. FAIL. No one is impressed impressed by you.

Yes, I'm so worked up. I'm breaking a sweat. No one is impressed by me? For shame!

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