DD trying to hurt the trio :( please help

SLM05 · October 2010

The boys have been home with us for 7 months but DD has been living with the changes/effects of the pregnancy/bedrest/hospital for almost a year. She is not coping well and i thought it would get better but it is really not. Today i caught her about to step on/while walking over Jonathan. She looked and comtimplated it for a while then started to step down when i stopped her. I wanted to cry. I know she is begging for attention. she always asks me to put the babies down antd play with her. DH and i try so hard to make special time for her each day. DH takes her outside after dinner and they do stuff alone, i try to make time for her during the day but usually one of the boys needs something and it makes her so mad she is acting out alot (taking the baby toys and hiding them) I feel so bad for her and the boys, I am not doing a good jobof giving all 4 the attention they need and i question god often as to why he did this to them and us. It's not fair for this good children to not get all that they deserve/need.

Anyone have any ideas on how to help older sibling deal with multiples?

jenn_darrin1515 · October 2010

I just want to send you big hugs and let you know you are doing a fabulous job! Try not to be too hard on yourself...taking care of 4 children is amazing feat...having your dd have some daddy time is great...if there is any time during the day that all the boys nap regularly I would make that your special time with your dd...if not then maybe dh can take baby duty so you can have special mommy time with her at nite before bed and read a story just you and her? I would imagine even 10 minutes that is designated as stricly her time with you may help her with the transition - which is a big one for sure...or maybe every sat you take just her on a grocery outing while dh and/or fam has the boys and you can make it a special outing for just hte 2 of you? (not speaking from experience...just from stuff I've heard my friends with older siblings say helped)...GL!

MoMandA · October 2010

It sounds like you have a really hard job. Try to remember that your daughter knows that you love her. Toddler's behavioral patterns change rapidly and whatever she is doing that stresses you out right now will go away. Hopefully to be replaced with good behavior? Hugs to you.

Temp159135562506975 · October 2010

Griffin was always great with the twins - until they started to walk... then suddenly it was like they became competition for him (taking his toys, etc... being "real boys")... and he would push them over on purpose, etc. It really upset me - b/c he was NEVER violent or mean to them before..... we were really consistant with discipline and tons of praise when he did things the right way "good job, Griffin- you ran by Gray without knocking him down!! Thanks!!!".... it all matters a LOT...

i would NEVER leave her alone with them... we didn't leave Griffin alone with the twins for a second that first year --- even by accident, if he fell on them it could be bad.... and if she's being naughty with them = really imporatnt to make sure they are safe.... I would always take him with me if i had to go to the bathroom or into the kitchen, etc -- which he liked = more alone time with me.

when the twins took their am nap I always made that special alone time for Griffin - we'd play, do crafts, etc.... never cleaning, etc.

We let Griffin stay up 30min-1hour later than the twins, too - so he gets extra mommy/daddy time all by himself each night.

with 3 babies it's even harder- but you can do it... just remember the house/mess/cooking, etc- none of it matters as much as your DD - so when you do have free time- give it all to her....

put the babies in bumbo seats on the floor and have them watch you play with her (Griffin LOVED this- loved the audience, and the twins loved watching).... have her help feed them solids - it's messy- but she can help... griffin loved doing that.... and in some ways it really WAS helpful to me

and remember- TONS of praise for every little thing she's doing right- esp when you are tending to the triplets - it lets her know you are still paying attention to her.

meredith7327 · October 2010

It sounds pretty normal to me, my big boys were very jealous of the little ones in the beginning and also hid toys, tried to pull the babies across the floor, wanted to eat their baby food, demanding to be held while I was tending to the babies, I could go on and on. I'm sure that you are doing a great job, don't be so hard on yourself, it is hard work!!! My only piece of advice is to try to include your daughter in as much of the care taking as possible, whether she's getting diapers for you, pulling the wipes out of the wipe box, shaking bottles, stirring baby food, etc. and just try to give her as much attention as possible while the babies are around so that she doesn't think that she can only have your attention when the babies are sleeping, out with dad, etc. Good luck

Breenie29 · October 2010

(((HUGS))) As you saw from my post below, you know how I've been feeling. But having an older child makes things much more difficult, and I can only imagine how you're feeling. Sounds like you're doing an awesome job! I've heard of the same reaction from an older child even when there is only one new baby. I think you're doing your best, and things will get better.

My only suggestion would be if you have family or friends that can help out and watch the trips so you and your DD can go out and have special one on one time. I wish you all the best - and if you need a "shoulder to cry on" or just a listening ear PM me. (((HUGS)))

P.S I have a feeling we'll be hearing a lot from each other

sfshawna · October 2010

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now! I didn't experience anything quite like what you're describing with your daughter, but I also had the benefit of having two older kids. They were barely 3 and 20 months, and honestly, they were left to their own devices a lot when the babies were small and new. I think it really helped that they had each other!

I don't envy your constant juggling act. I would try to come up with activities that are just for her, and little jobs that only she can do to help you. Soon enough, your boys are going to be mobile and wanting to play with her. Hopefully, she'll love that attention from them and like being a little ringleader. I assure you that her life is not ruined, although I completely understand how you feel like that right now. It will get better, and I hope that happens very soon for you!!!

Northof54 · October 2010

I didn't have a chance to read the other replies -- but wanted to offer some of my experiences. When my GGG were born my DS's were 3.5 and 16 months. It was the boy who was 16 months that I have the biggest guilt with. He really struggled and I still to this day feel it's my fault and that I failed him.

Okay - he was and IS an awesome sleeper. He is 3 years and 6 months now. BUT he has struggled. We make a point to tell him "It's mommy and Griffin time".... "It's daddy and Griffin time" and tell him -- ONLY us... now babies... make it special.

Back to sleeping. Often now I'll let him sleep in my bed too -- this is VERY special for him...... because ONLY he gets to do it

Also - if I get up early -- I go back to bed in his bed - so he thinks I slept with HIM all night. HE loves loves loves this. It makes him feel very special -- I tell him it's mommy and Griffin special camping time

I don't know what else to add - it's hard. I even put him in 2 year old gymnastics because it was mom and tot gymnastics as opposed to 3 year old gymnastics (without mom) -- when he was 3.

I feel your pain

Want a personalized experience?

DD trying to hurt the trio :( please help

Re: DD trying to hurt the trio :( please help

Choose Another Board

Search Boards