My first UO: Discipline, using "no', etc

babygirlcc · October 2010

I know I may be flamed for this but it doesn't matter. I post about using the word "no" with LO made me think about a recent article in Parents magazine that I completely agree with. It talks about parents not wanting to use "no" or going out of there way to make everything fair for children. example from article: banning musical chairs from being played in school because one child will lose and it will make them feel bad.

i don't think using the word "no" or spanking a child (not babies, but older children) is wrong. Today, I so many people are too caught up in what different studies say about the negative effects everything has on a child that they lose sight of what's important. Children need discipline...most of us were disciplined in some way and turned out fine. They have to understand they're are consequences to doing certain things.

life is not always positive and happy. Not saying to dwell on negativity but these things should be used as learning tools. It teaches them how to deal with issues that will come up in life (setbacks, unfairness, dissppointments) and when they do have problems they will be able to work through them as opposed to killing themselves or someone else because they feel they can't handle it.

Flame away

Melly Mel · October 2010

I agree with you!

lildevil968 · October 2010

For the most part I agree!

Ivana_Stolichnaya · October 2010

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

RadicalDreamer143 · October 2010

Your reasoning is actually part of the reason I don't want Liam to watch TV. Most shows end in a half hour, and give kids an unrealistic idea of how easy it is to come to a great resolution.

Not my only reason, but definitely part of it.

AyeDavanita · October 2010

Exactly. This is why I was asking about "no". In life, people aren't always going to treat you with kid gloves. You will lose. You will try really hard and fail at things. People will tell you "no" with no explanation and when you're a kid you shouldn't need a reason everytime.

But I suppose it is just a balance thing.

greengirl0909 · October 2010

As a teacher, I always find it ironic that we will easily focus on who wins a game or whois the best athlete, but we're discouraged from rewarding the best academic students for fear of hurting others' feelings.

Ciconrad · October 2010

Who said you shouldn't say no to your kid? That's crazy talk.

The only thing with saying no at this age is that it can become meaningless if you are saying "no" to every little thing. You should save no for the important things that would endanger your child but not to every curious behavior (i.e pulling folded laundry out of a basket). They won't respond when it's important if they hear it all the time. At this age it's more of a developmental thing with them not really comprehending discipline rather than an issue of not wanting to spoil them.

carney09 · October 2010

While I agree to an extent with what you're saying, I do find it funny that you blame people reading articles about not disciplining etc when you said yourself you were reading an article in Parenting magazine. LOL

BelhurstBride · October 2010

Ivana.Stolichnaya:
Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

erinkate23 · October 2010

I think parents who say no no no no no no no no no no no like a broken record sound stupid and clearly aren't getting anything accomplished. If you have to say NO all the time, there's something else wrong.

As for spanking, I'd be in favor of it if it worked. "I was spanked, and I'm fine" (of course my mom used to hold me in the front seat while my dad drove home after a few beers too)

All the research that has been done proves it doesn't work. This article, for example: https://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html

I'm in favor of any form of discepline or boundaries or reward punishment whatever that WORKS. If it doesn't work, why bother? Forget the moral aspect, I'm a practical chica.

BellaAmor215 · October 2010

BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:
Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?
I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

I agree with most of this. I think saying "no" to a kid is fine, but where I agree with you is I think there does need to be an explanation. You can say no, and for the moment they know it was wrong. But if you say "No, DD, we do not jump on the couch because you will get hurt" they hear that it is not ok, and if they continue there could be a bad outcome. Then they know if they jump on the couch, they may get hurt. Maybe it wont work the first time, maybe it wont work the second, but eventually it will work. In my experience, it worked a lot quicker than just saying "no". But every situation is different, I guess I cannot say that it will work as well for you as it does for me.

NELCORP · October 2010

BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

But at 6 months do you really think LO will respond to "We don't touch the socket because you can get electrocuted." or would they better respond to "No." and then redirection to something they can play with?

BellaAmor215 · October 2010

NELCORP:
BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

But at 6 months do you really think LO will respond to "We don't touch the socket because you can get electrocuted." or would they better respond to "No." and then redirection to something they can play with?

I didn't know we were talking about 6 month olds. Of course, for now a firm "no" and redirection will teach them no means it is not ok. But when they get old enough to understand what you are saying, I think you should explain why you are saying no. JMO!

BelhurstBride · October 2010

NELCORP:
BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

But at 6 months do you really think LO will respond to "We don't touch the socket because you can get electrocuted." or would they better respond to "No." and then redirection to something they can play with?

I don't think either (the explanation or no) is something a 6 month old would really respond to. I would use redirection at this point. (Though I haven't needed to, DD isn't yet mobile.) I thought were talking about toddlers and children.

Jessys_Girl · October 2010

I totally agree!

Honestly, kids need to learn to "lose" sometimes. They have to learn to be good sportsman and be tolerant of losing, coming in second, being disciplined, not having their way 100% of the time.

Fact is, the WORLD is not fair, games like "Musical Chairs" teach kids how to deal with disappointments. And discipline teaches them that there are consequences to actions and that you can't just do whatever the heck you feel like whenever the heck you feel like it.

krystal0707 · October 2010

Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

My thought too. When I have to tell him no, I follow with an explanation. How else will he learn that the stove is hot, or that the remote is a daddy toy not a "Chaser" toy ;-)

NELCORP · October 2010

BelhurstBride:
NELCORP:
BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

But at 6 months do you really think LO will respond to "We don't touch the socket because you can get electrocuted." or would they better respond to "No." and then redirection to something they can play with?

I don't think either (the explanation or no) is something a 6 month old would really respond to. I would use redirection at this point. (Though I haven't needed to, DD isn't yet mobile.) I thought were talking about toddlers and children.

For older kids an explanation is definately needed. It's way more effective. It's the reason why we don't break laws because we know the consequence.I mentioned children around our age because the OP mentioned saying "No" to babies and spanking to older kids. I just didn't respond about the spanking.

BelhurstBride · October 2010

NELCORP:
I mentioned children around our age because the OP mentioned saying "No" to babies and spanking to older kids. I just didn't respond about the spanking.

I read it differently. I read it has no for both, but spanking for only older children.

BellaAmor215 · October 2010

BelhurstBride:
NELCORP:
BelhurstBride:
Ivana.Stolichnaya:

Children need to be aware of boundaries...how would you teach that without using "No"?

I agree that children need to be aware of boundaries but don't feel that "no" is the best way to teach said boundaries. To me it makes sense to say "We don't dance on the couch, you could get hurt" rather than "No." I am not against using the word "no" with my child, it just makes more sense to me to explain why I'm against the action rather than saying "no".

But at 6 months do you really think LO will respond to "We don't touch the socket because you can get electrocuted." or would they better respond to "No." and then redirection to something they can play with?
I don't think either (the explanation or no) is something a 6 month old would really respond to. I would use redirection at this point. (Though I haven't needed to, DD isn't yet mobile.) I thought were talking about toddlers and children.

Right, but a 2 year old who has never heard the word no before won't understand either. That's why if you start the word no when they are young followed by redirection they will learn what no means. You have to start somewhere. DD gets into everything now. I say no, and then move her to a toy she can touch. Eventually she will know that no means not to do what she's doing, and associate whatever I move her to with something she can do. Just because they dont understand it doesn't mean you can't start teaching them.

anabell0920 · October 2010

Just because a parent doesn't use the word no or spank doesn't mean their child won't be disciplined. There are a million different ways to discipline a child and each child is going to need something different that works for them.