Am I a bad mom?

thethomps · October 2010

I cried profusely the past two days and even called DH to tell him that I didn't think I could cut it being a mom since DD was crying so much. She was an angel when my mom and sister were here helping and then they leave and it felt like everything fell apart. She was super fussy and I could not get her to calm down. (She's also been REALLY gassy, so I've been trying the Mylicon drops to help her out.) Please tell me that having a newborn stressed you out, too. I'm sure it will be better once we get into a groove but I'm really overwhelmed right now trying to figure out how this tiny little girl works.

rssnlvr · October 2010

You are not only a great mom, but a totally NORMAL mom! One thing to keep in mind is that the postpartum hormones peaked out for me right at 3 weeks. I had all kinds of anxiety and cried about everything. Another thing is that newborn fussiness increases around weeks 3-6, and then it starts to go down. Right around then they kind of come out of their newborn haze and realize there is a big scary world...they need lots of holding, lots of comforting.

Hang in there!! The first six weeks are so.freaking.hard. You'll get through them and it'll all start to get smoother and better and happier!

smb29 · October 2010

rssnlvr:

You are not only a great mom, but a totally NORMAL mom!

Ditto. I think we've all written this post. What you are going through is totally normal and you are not a bad mom!

christym0606 · October 2010

I am right there with you!! I was all alone during week two and I thought I was going to lose it. So many tears. My mom is here this week, which has been a lifesaver, but I'm back to flying solo next week and I'm dreading it!

Faon · October 2010

The same thing happened to me where Alden would go easy on other people and hold nothing back for me. Then people would comment, "Oh, if you're tense or anxious, it makes the baby tense" and it would make me feel even worse. God bless the people who reassured me that it wasn't me. Things will get better. To say having a newborn stressed me out would be a whopping understatement! A lot of things sucked in the beginning, but in just a few weeks, your DD will be smiling at you (in between crying jaunts anyway!) and this will just be a trial that you overcame. I'm sure you're doing great.

Do you want my pricey Colic Calm elixir? I only used it like twice and don't think it's contaminated since the dropper was always clean. www.coliccalm.com

Kristen&Doyle · October 2010

Yeah, it's hard. I think the hardest part is the lack of sleep I'm getting. That and trying to get Colton to school on time! I'm sure you've heard this, but all babies are different, which is much the case with my two so far. Colton was a very needy baby (and still is a needy child!) I couldn't put him down if he was sleeping, he would wake up right away. I basically had to hold him all day and hope I could manage to get something to eat at some point. Brady is a much easier going baby, but of course having two makes it a lot harder. I'm sure you are doing just fine, but I remember with Colton finding the Baby Whisperer book and it helping a lot with everything. If you have a chance to read it while she is sleeping, hopefully you can find some things in there that work for you. I know this has also probably been said and known, but apparently babies can sense you are stressed out, etc. so if you can find some ways to relieve that stress, that may help as well. I also suggest learning some infant massage for her, so far all I've put into practice is rubbing the spot right above his nose, kind of where the forehead starts, with my finger to calm him down. Of course I use a pacifier as well and he doesn't need much calming except that he just got circumcised yesterday and I have a feeling they put him through quite the trauma. I don't really think it hurt with all the numbing/pain meds they used for it, but I don't think he liked being held down/handled the way I can only imagine they had to do (I didn't see it done). Anyway, good luck and if you ever need any more advice, don't be afraid to ask!

hellohappyJ · October 2010

My PP hormones were really crazy until about week 5. I cried for anything and I cried a.lot. Don't feel bad, you are NOT a bad mother. You are getting adjusted to a new baby, and your new baby is getting adjusted to being out in the world. Do you have a friend or family member who can give you some relief during the day, even if its for an hour or so? After my family left and DH went back to work (which was 2 weeks after LO came) a friend of mine came over every other day and took LO for an hour or so so I could take a bath, remove myself from room completely and just let myself relax. It really helped me get through that first month and a half.

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself.

ETA: P.S. your LO is absolutely adorable.

jakbtx · October 2010

all 3 of mine were fussy newborns (i remember the turning points exactly for each 1: DS1: 12 wks, DS2: 6 wks, DS3: 10 wks). it has definitely been the hardest period for me all 3 times.

you are doing great!! and it *will* get better, that is for sure.

hugs to you!!!!!

Kristen0709 · October 2010

Definitely not a bad mom! You are completely normal! I know right at just about 3 weeks my kid changed. I remember my mom telling me that that would happen too. We had reflux issues so I had a very fussy baby for the first couple of months. Until we got his reflux in order I wondered what I was thinking signing up for this mom stuff. I promise it will get better. People will tell you that constantly but I swear it's true. Hang in there mama!

lawmomma10 · October 2010

We all felt just like you do at some point or another! I can offer two pieces of advice that, of course, were offered to me and I rarely followed but wished I had:

1. Sleep when baby sleeps!!! Even if you only nap during one of LO's little cat naps it'll make you feel so much better than if you hadn't gotten any extra sleep at all.

2. When people offer to help you, accept their offers! I remember having tons of offers to go make Target/HEB runs for me, come do a couple loads of laundry for us, make us dinner, come sit with LO so I could shower, etc. I know I tended to feel like people were just being nice and they didn't mean it when they offered, but, in reality, they do mean it. Your friends want to help (and have an excuse to pop in to see that cute baby!), so let them where you feel comfortable.

Emer · October 2010

Ditto all the others. 2-3 weeks is hard, particularly when they are gassy. What you're feeling is totally normal and it will get easier. {{{hugs}}}

kiarox2002 · October 2010

DH was home for the first 4 weeks which was a godsend. The two of us would take shifts walking Kate around the living room while she cried. I remember vividly him being back at work and just standing in the middle of the living room with tears streaming down my face as Kate screamed in my arms. It does get easier, I promise.

ebat · October 2010

ditto what others have said, you're totally normal. Also I'm going to throw out a rec. for happiest baby on the block when you can't calm her. There's 5 S's, swaddleing, swinging, sucking, shushing, and something else. some babies need all of them to calm down

jennyfromblock · October 2010

I don't have anything new to add because everyone gave such great advice but I just wanted to say hang in there. It honestly does get better. You're doing great, keep going and there is a light at the end of this tunnel. :-)

heybabe · October 2010

MrsRosie:
lawmomma10:

2. When people offer to help you, accept their offers! I remember having tons of offers to go make Target/HEB runs for me, come do a couple loads of laundry for us, make us dinner, come sit with LO so I could shower, etc. I know I tended to feel like people were just being nice and they didn't mean it when they offered, but, in reality, they do mean it. Your friends want to help (and have an excuse to pop in to see that cute baby!), so let them where you feel comfortable. I absolutely agree with this, but in my case, I needed to let people sit with the baby so I could run out, do the housework, take a nap, etc. I would nurse him, hand him off, and run to Target. I'm a control freak, I admit it. I like to do my own shopping, I like my towels folded in thirds, and I like to load my own dishwasher. It took me months to not feel anxiety when I was out of the house and away from him, but at least I was OUT.

You are totally normal. Those first few weeks are soooo hard. Ditto this about help from friends. With my first, people would drop by and I would hold the baby & chat with them, etc - it stressed me out b/c not only was it not a help, but I was having to entertain the baby AND the friend. I wised up with the second & when friends dropped by, I'd hand them the baby before they could even get in the door and tell them I was going to shower & would be back in 20 min.

Have a friend come over for 30 min & take a long, hot shower or run an errand or take a cat nap - whatever. It will do wonders!

SaraLouiseBride08 · October 2010

((((Hugs))))

I've read this same post so many times on this board, and heard it from so many friends. Everyone always swears it gets better, and I know the women who responded before me have words of actual experience ... they've been there and they got through it. Just the fact that you care enough to be concerned shows what a GREAT Mom you are!

PMBridetobe · October 2010

You are a great Mom! There are times when I have both of them crying and I cry along with them. Things will get easier for both of you. Hang in there!

Taytee · October 2010

Nope, you're just a mom Moms of babies who don't cry aren't awesome moms, they just have babies that don't cry! Don't try to put words into her tears, she's not saying that you're a bad mom. She's not even saying that she has a need that you're not meeting. She's just crying because that's what babies do!

You'll soon discover the tiny things that calm her down! Some babies are just more mysterious than others.

labbielover07 · October 2010

Girl, I am right there with you! I've been really stressed out, have had a few breakdowns myself, and got totally lucky this week and caught a nasty flu that I'm still fighting. My parents left today too. I cried over that. My DD has been crying a ton too... and I'm thinking maybe it is gas since I have been bottle feeding her breast milk since I have felt too weak and sick to actually breastfeed. I'm going to send DH to CVS to pick up some Mylicon and give that a try. Just remember that your DD loves you and it will take some time for you and her to get to know one another and learn how each other works. Our little girls are really close in age, so if you ever want to talk, vent, cry... I'm here for you! I'll 100% understand. *HUGS!*

labbielover07 · October 2010

I forgot to add... we got a really great gift from a friend and it seems to be helping DD relax and nap. It is called Sound Spa Lullaby and it is from Bed Bath and Beyond. It plays 6 different sounds, like heartbeat, rain, ocean waves and also projects a night light with images onto the ceiling for them to see once they get a little older. So far we are loving the ocean sound.

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