I'm feeling left behind, in-between and like I'm not sure where I belong.

jillcanada · October 2010

Everyone is so wonderful on here, but I there are so many names I don't recognize on here even if I'm MIA for a week. It makes me sad that other ladies have to join us. It doesn't help that I lurk on PGAL now. I never did until I got this last BFP, and now I continually check in to see who is there and how they are doing. I am truly thrilled for them, but can't help thinking that it should be me too. (well all of us that are in-betweenies should be there!) I know it happens for everyone at different times.

I know other women have been on here longer and have seen people come and go too. I just wanted to know how you keep going. I know I have the strength. I'm just feeling sad today that my babies aren't with me.

DH and I discussed putting TTC on hold so I can lose weight, and do things I'm afraid to do "in case" I am pregnant, like snowboarding. Sometimes I feel like I don't think about anything else except TTC and need a break to focus on the world around me.

Ok, pity party for one over and out. Thanks for listening. That's all I really needed, just someone to listen.

Gummybear · October 2010

((hugs))

I feel left behind too.

I was thinking last night, "Do I really have it in me to keep this up?"

I just want a baby to drop out of the sky. I am so over "TTC"

ohglow · October 2010

Hugs.

I too lurk at PGAL and even my old birth month board. It's so tough isn't it?

I think that what you're feeling is absolutely normal and understandable. Perhaps a break from TTC will be good for you and your DH's spirit.

We're always here for you.

shanna82 · October 2010

::big hugs:: I think we all join in this pity party a lot. I am so tired of TTC...it's been 10 months and no one ever tells you how hard this gets. I just want my baby back, but I know that won't happen, but why can't we all just get KU again? Don't we deserve that? Like a consolation prize or something.

I really hope you get to be a part of PgAL again soon.

BlakeG · October 2010

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. You have been dealing with TTC for much longer than I have and you have been through much more so I'm not sure I can really offer any advice. All I can say is I know how you feel about being in limbo and feeling left behind and I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom. Unfortunately all I can give you is virtual hugs and say that no matter who comes and goes on this board, we will always be here to listen.

Only you can decide if you want to put TTC off or not but I say go snowboarding and do whatever it is that you have been putting off until you are actually pregnant. You can't put your life on hold for something that you have no idea when (not if but WHEN) it is going to happen. ((Huge Hugs))

firefightersgal · October 2010

It is okay and normal to feel how you are feeling. It's officially been a year since my m/c and I came her shortly after. December will mark two years of TTC #2. It is very, very difficult to watch so many people cycle through this board while you are still here. I completely understand.

The main way that I keep going (at least on this board) is to stay away from PGAL and the trimester/birth month boards like I'm avoiding the plague. If I read those boards all the time, I'd really be down in the dumps. While it's great for them that they've gotten to move on, it is so completely sucky for me to still be here. (Not that I don't love the girls here...you know what I mean

).

jillcanada · October 2010

Gummybear:
((hugs))

I feel left behind too.

I was thinking last night, "Do I really have it in me to keep this up?"

I just want a baby to drop out of the sky. I am so over "TTC"

Not sure you meant it to be funny, but it made me smile. You definitely deserve your TTCAL award! I think I'm going to stop temping and just let AF arrive...well let's see if I can actually do it.

jillcanada · October 2010

shanna82:
::big hugs:: I think we all join in this pity party a lot. I am so tired of TTC...it's been 10 months and no one ever tells you how hard this gets. I just want my baby back, but I know that won't happen, but why can't we all just get KU again? Don't we deserve that? Like a consolation prize or something.

I really hope you get to be a part of PgAL again soon.

I wish this for all of us...you are all in my thoughts throughout the day.

jillcanada · October 2010

BlakeG:
I'm sorry you are having a tough time. You have been dealing with TTC for much longer than I have and you have been through much more so I'm not sure I can really offer any advice. All I can say is I know how you feel about being in limbo and feeling left behind and I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom. Unfortunately all I can give you is virtual hugs and say that no matter who comes and goes on this board, we will always be here to listen.

Only you can decide if you want to put TTC off or not but I say go snowboarding and do whatever it is that you have been putting off until you are actually pregnant. You can't put your life on hold for something that you have no idea when (not if but WHEN) it is going to happen. ((Huge Hugs))

That sentence kicked my butt. Going to buy my mountain pass, get my butt in gear and lose this weight!

jillcanada · October 2010

firefightersgal:
It is okay and normal to feel how you are feeling. It's officially been a year since my m/c and I came her shortly after. December will mark two years of TTC #2. It is very, very difficult to watch so many people cycle through this board while you are still here. I completely understand.

The main way that I keep going (at least on this board) is to stay away from PGAL and the trimester/birth month boards like I'm avoiding the plague. If I read those boards all the time, I'd really be down in the dumps. While it's great for them that they've gotten to move on, it is so completely sucky for me to still be here. (Not that I don't love the girls here...you know what I mean ).

I know what you mean! Bug hugs to you.

AutumnLeavesFall · October 2010

I know exactly how you feel. After last nights call out post to "everyone" I decided to step back and let the board just do it's thing. Apprently I am one of the few who would not be named, and it's fine I get it. I am hard on new people because of exactly how your feeling. I hate the person I have become on this board sometimes. But I think it's pain I don't want to deal with in life.

The cycle of newer people who get BFP 2-3 cycles after their loss, and here I am 7 months past my loss, and 6 years from when I started TTC.

((HUGS)) I love you.

jillcanada · October 2010

AutumnLeavesFall:
I know exactly how you feel. After last nights call out post to "everyone" I decided to step back and let the board just do it's thing. Apprently I am one of the few who would not be named, and it's fine I get it. I am hard on new people because of exactly how your feeling. I hate the person I have become on this board sometimes. But I think it's pain I don't want to deal with in life.

The cycle of newer people who get BFP 2-3 cycles after their loss, and here I am 7 months past my loss, and 6 years from when I started TTC.

((HUGS)) I love you.

I'm sorry you were one of those people. I know you are just trying to defend our group. I missed that post since it was during the day.

I wish we had a database of all the members that we could just look up.

And I wonder if there's a connection between late pregnancy loss and the next BFP that sticks? It seems that those of us who've had late losses take longer to get pregnant again. Or maybe it's just the women I connect with on this board. I suppose it's emotions, our bodies, and any other issues we had getting pregnant the first time anyway. Just a thought.

lorlei13 · October 2010

{{BIG HUGS}} I know how you feel even though I am in a slightly different boat. It's been three years since my loss and we have been TTA ever since because the universe keeps throwing me obstacles. I get so jealous when see people are actually able to try after the one or two cycles after their loss. And I am so scared something else is going to happen between now and December to put TTC on hold again.

ravenorchid · October 2010

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. I understand your feelings. I feel so, so tired of TTC. We tried nearly a year before our first BFP and now it's our 3rd cycle trying since our loss (which I know is less time than many women have been trying). I've been missing my LO so much and I just really want my baby back. We were more than halfway to full-term with a baby we knew was completely healthy and I just can't believe we lost her and have to start all over.

I lurk on PGAL too, sometimes. And while it does make me happy to hear about successes, I find myself very scared that I'll never be one of them.

Just know that you are not alone (as you can see with all these comments). I truly hope all of us get our BFPs soon. ((Hugs))

biddy53178 · October 2010

oh im very sorry that you are having a hard time- i had a pity party for one yesterday and cried like i has PMS- it ruined the rest of my day- i just felt so down. i get very discouraged- its been over 4 mos since our loss but we've been actively TTC x26 mos now. i just feel like i it will never happen for me- and i hate it when people just say "relax"- my mom said that to me again yesterday- she was an FH. five pregnancies in 8 years (ok two she lost- not discounting that) but she always has told me that on the night I was conceived my parents sat down, said hey we want another baby, FWP that night and here i am. MUST BE NICE! anywho- give yourself a crappy day- take some time off if you need to- we'll be here if you need a break from your break- seems there has been a wave of OCT bfp which altho wonderful, i think makes the rest of us hurt a little more than other months (maybe just how i feel). Hugs!

JulsW · October 2010

I only go to this board and the mc/pl board to offer support. If I went to any others, it would be to hard. I have only been on this board about 2 months, but we had been TTC for 12 months before that BFP. Just try and hang in there. It is hard and some days suck way more than others. ((HUGS))

TeacherVicky · October 2010

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I feel left out too. I also lurk on PgAL since my last BFP, always checking in on the girls and thinking how I should be there. I sometimes feel misplaced here because there are so many new faces and I can't seem to keep up - especially since I am back at work.

((Big Hugs))

Zed58 · October 2010

Hey girl. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. I kinda feel the same way. I feel comfortable here because I know so many of you and I want to maintain the support system and the friendships that have been made since I've been coming to TTCAL. But, like you said, there are so many new girls (and I LOVE that there are new girls joining the board (HATE, HATE, HATE how they got here though)) but they don't know me and I don't know them, so it makes me uncomfortable to post here because I don't want to offend anyone by sticking around. At the same time, I don't really know anybody on PGAL and don't feel comfortable there either. I feel like I'm an outsider looking in over there.

I know this isn't helping you at all. I just get what you mean when feel like you don't know where you belong. I will say this though - I think you belong here. There are so many women here that know and love you and want you to be here. You have been so supportive here and you deserve the same. There was once a time, when we were all new here as well. The more we contributed, the more we fit in and became familiar with those who had been here for a little while. Soon, many of the newer girls that you may not recognize will become your friends, just as you became a friend to so many here.

(((((HUGS)))))

jr63_2020 · October 2010

ravenorchid:
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. I understand your feelings. I feel so, so tired of TTC. We tried nearly a year before our first BFP and now it's our 3rd cycle trying since our loss (which I know is less time than many women have been trying). I've been missing my LO so much and I just really want my baby back. We were more than halfway to full-term with a baby we knew was completely healthy and I just can't believe we lost her and have to start all over.
I lurk on PGAL too, sometimes. And while it does make me happy to hear about successes, I find myself very scared that I'll never be one of them.
Just know that you are not alone (as you can see with all these comments). I truly hope all of us get our BFPs soon. ((Hugs))

I feel this way too.

jesslw · October 2010

I know what you mean. I'm a newbie and this is my first TTCAL cycle, but I do get the idea that many of the ladies on this board have been here longer than anyone would want to, but have made some pretty awesome friends here. I'm glad for that, but so sorry we all can't move along to PgAL like right now. I'm new at the whole thing, but I find myself with a one track mind, like a zombie "must conceive...must make baby...." and it's easy to let it take over your life. I can't imagine how much harder it's going to get with every BFN and AF. It took DH and I almost three years to get pg with our first, the one we lost, and I am terrified I will never get a BFP or that I'll have to wait another three years. I am so sorry for anyone that has been trying that long, I know how hard it is. I had all but given up hope when I found out I was pg, and everyone said when you quit "trying" you'll get pg and now I guess I kinda have to believe it a little. Maybe as soon as you buy a snowboard and pay for lessons, you'll get your BFP. That seems to help as well! No matter what you decide to do, I wish you luck and that we can all hold on to our dreams and keep believing. Big hugs.

Kira98 · October 2010

I only joined this board a little over a month ago, but I am already getting an inkling of how it feels to be left behind. I spent years getting left behind IRL, so I can relate. I know there's not much I can say to make it better, but know that the new ladies here want to support you too.

AutumnLeavesFall · October 2010

LibraryChica:

Ok, I meant to just check in on my coffee break & then run back out, but I had to step in. First of all, JillCanada I?m sorry you?re having such a rough time and I hope you find the strength to do whatever?s best for you. I can?t say that I know how you feel, because I don?t, but you and all the women on this board are in my thoughts.

Second, AutumnLeavesFall, as a newbie to this board, I have to say you?ve all been nothing but kind to me. So many of you have been at this for so much longer and I have nothing but respect for you. Some people just don?t get that just because they?re in pain they don?t get a pass on being sensitive to the pain of others. Please, don?t let one post bother you or make you think that us newbies don?t appreciate it.

Thank you.

I am a really nice person and would give up anything to make these girls happy. But sometimes I have insensitive days, even when I think I am being sensitive.

a&b=him&me · October 2010

Puntababy:

Hugs.

I too lurk at PGAL and even my old birth month board. It's so tough isn't it?

I think that what you're feeling is absolutely normal and understandable.

We're always here for you.

This.

I look at my old birth month board and think about the what ifs/should/woulds and it doesn't help at all.

I also agree with not checking in for a week...its like suddenly everyone is new.

rock-elle · October 2010

I know, I doubt theres a soul on here that doesn't feel that way at times also. I'm so sorry that this is a tough time for you. For me, sometimes I step away from the bump for a day or two because it does suck when so many come and go and come and go..it just really really helps to have a good buddy system.

ikissedthecook · October 2010

I'm not sure if you really want to see me right now, and I understand, but I was just there two weeks ago, so I totally understand. It sucks so bad. I wish you could get your BFP right now and be done with it. ((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))

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