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North Dakota Babies
DH's Confession
He wants another baby. 
His exact words, "Karter needs a sibling. I want to have another baby. Like soon."
He told me last night. He wants to wait until KiKi is a year old and then start trying again.
OMFG. That is five months away.
I am not sure I know what to think or even say to him. I really, really don't want to be pregnant again. I REALLY, REALLY don't want to be pregnant (or at least trying)again in 5 months.
I just told him that we can re-open the topic for discussion at the one year mark. I think he wants a boy this time. I think that he is realizing that I am serious about not wanting to be pregnant again. He never wanted to have just one kid.
Now I feel like I should re-think being pregnant again. He should have a say too. This is his life too, ya know.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH's Confession
It IS his life too, but, it's your body. You honestly have the final say.
I know you've talked about your reasoning for not wanting another, is it just the pregnancy thing that you don't want to do? (Not saying there's anything wrong with that, just trying to get the 100% reason.)
Is the pregnancy part worth having a sibling?
We might be a one and done family but for different reasons. Karter will be 100% fine as an only child. If you don't want another child, you have every right and reason for that.
But, I say, don't rule it out completely yet. I think you're right in revisiting when K's a year old. Maybe you're still needing time to separate from this pregnancy?
Guys think it's so easy carrying a child. They have NO IDEA what it's really like. It's so easy for them to say, "let's have another". They only experience the fun part at the beginning. The rest is all on us.
Katy and Brett ~ Runaway Bay, Jamaica ~ October 4, 2008
I'm so sorry, Ash. I know of all people you've been very anti-PG again. I would explain to him that you how you feel although you are open to thinking about it, 5 months from now may just be too soon. Especially considering that you are still young, there is no reason to rush into it again. Who knows maybe in time, you will feel ready again all on your own.
ETA: Also he needs to keep in mind that just becasue you have another one, there is only a 50% chance that it will be a boy.
It really isn't the being pregnant part that I don't want to do. That didn't bother me, really. I mean, the lack of wine in my life was pretty sad but it wasn't terrible.
It is PP. I just look completely different now. I still have ten pounds to lose. They say 9 months up and 9 down but I don't think I am going to drop this last ten pounds until I am done breastfeeding. My stretchmarks are disgusting, although now that they are already there I shouldn't worry about what will happen with baby 2. The damage has been done.
I don't want to recover from a C again. I know that I can VBAC and I will probably go with that option but I have to talk to a doc about the chances of a C while attempting a VBAC. I really don't want to labor just to end up with a C again. But I would like to experience labor a little. Feeling a contraction would be interesting, even a BH contraction.
Those are really the reasons. The PP time sucks. I have never felt or looked so horrible in my whole life. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
I am surprised that Timm even brought it up. I just had a melt down last weekend and didn't go wine tasting with friends because I couldn't find any clothes to wear. He knows how hard this is for me. Which really makes me think that he is more serious about going for round two.
Totally understandable. I haven't done it yet, but, I'd imagine it's very hard to "bounce back" after pregnancy.
I'm glad you were honest with Timm about your reservations but didn't close things out completely yet. Again, you have EVERY RIGHT to only want one child. K will be perfectly fine without any siblings. All the more love with her
. Don't feel pressured because he wants another, it's your body that has to go through all of it. I'm sure he understands that part, but, it's hard for him to put himself in your shoes because he didn't have to do it.
Katy and Brett ~ Runaway Bay, Jamaica ~ October 4, 2008
If there's anything I've learned the past couple of years it's to never say never. It was seriously less then a year ago I was saying "I am never having kids. No No No." And now I'm thinking "Is it time to start trying yet?!" I just had to be in the right mind set / place in my life. That's what I think (for me).
Obviously this is a huge thing for you & your family. I don't know if you remember but quite a while ago I asked you about your decision to have one child & if you got negative feedback. I still don't know if I want to have more then one. I think I do, but it isn't something I can commit to because I don't even know what one is like. Since your H doesn't want to try for 5 more months & you said that you guys can revisit the discussion in 5 months, then I think you should give yourself that time to consider what you really want. Who knows - 5 months from now you could be on board with baby #2 plans. There's just no telling what the future brings or how it can change.
From everything you said I can understand why you aren't so sure about having another child. I also don't think this is something you should beat yourself up about.
Good luck!
~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
Defintely talk to him about your feelings! You have a say in this since it is your body and everything!
Like pps have said, let him know your reservations, fears, and feelings if you haven't done so already and let him tell his whole side of the story. If I were you (and I don't have kids so I can't say I know how you feel, but nonetheless here's my two cents) I wouldn't rule it out completely. I think revisiting it in 5 months is a great idea and if you're still not ready then revisit again at the 1 1/2 year mark and again at the 2 year mark if necessary. I think that would be a very fair compromise since since you are the one who is carrying the child and dealing w/ all the pp stuff. If by then you still don't want to go through it again then that it totally your choice and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
GL hun and lots of ((hugs))
Started TTC Nov. 2011
1st clomid cycle June 2012- No response :: HSG August 2012- Left tube blocked, right tube clear :: 2nd clomid cycle Aug. 2012 BFN :: 3rd clomid cycle Sept. 2012 :: BFP Sept 30th :: DS born 6/15/13 :: BFP #2 7/29/14 M/C 8/5/14 :: BFP#3 10/20/14 DD born 7/1/2015 :: Applied to be surrogate April '17 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for IFs Dec. '17 :: Surro Babe born 9/11/18 :: Started 2nd Journey May '19 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for new IFs 9/24/19 :: HB 138 at 6w6d
I agree with the pp. Its good that you have 5 months before you're going to really talk seriously about it. You might feel differently in 5 months, and it gives you both time to think about it more!
I agree with pp. Don't rule anything out yet. Since you said you'll be revisiting this again in 5 months, take this time to think about it by yourself...without any outside influences. Then when you and DH discuss it, be HONEST. That is so important in situations like this. If you're 100% against it, talk to DH about it. He loves you- and I'm sure will understand where you're coming from! We don't have kids yet, but we have had the talk about just having one. In the end, we decided to leave it open until after we have one....because we could want 2 or 3- or one might just be enough
Either way, everything will work out for you...just do what's right in your heart. Good Luck!!! {{hugs}} for having to make these difficult decisions!!
I'm glad you tabled the discussion until she's 1. There's no rush! And just because right now you don't want another doesn't mean you're not allowed to change your mind at some point in the future whether it's when she's 1 or when she's 5.