infant/pregnancy loss awareness: what's the point?

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

I have been wondering this for a while now, and have hesitated posting because I don't want to start any drama. I am genuinely curious, though. What is the point of promoting awareness of infant/pregnancy loss?

Other causes, such as breast cancer awareness, for example, have a goal of influencing women to do breast self-checks, have mammograms, and raise funds for research, for example.

Unlike other awareness campaigns, increasing public awareness of how common mc/pl is will do nothing to reduce the devastating number of pregnancy losses that happen. Are there areas of study that are aiming at reducing mc/pl that need funding? Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?

I completely understand having a day set aside to honor the memories of our children who have passed (i.e. October 15th), that makes sense to me. I'm just having trouble understanding the point of an awareness campaign.

What are your thoughts?

ikissedthecook · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:

Unlike other awareness campaigns, increasing public awareness of how common mc/pl is will do nothing to reduce the devastating number of pregnancy losses that happen. Are there areas of study that are aiming at reducing mc/pl that need funding? Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

MrsGo4Hockeychick · October 2010

I think it's the awareness and to keep it from being kept "hush hush"

I totally get what you're saying about grieving in private, but it should be a choice. As it is now, people almost are forced to grieve in private, because it's such a taboo subject.

Rawr08 · October 2010

I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

MandaS08 · October 2010

I think it is stop the stigma attached so that those of us who have gone through it not feel so alone, and to educate the general population so that hopefully they can be more sensitive to those around them that may go through this.

There are plenty of "causes" that raise awareness and this is the only purpose-not prevention, raising money for research, ect- Gay/Lesbian awareness, ect.

BlakeG · October 2010

I think it's about removing the stigma and just educating people about how common it is. I had no idea that so many pregnancies ended in m/c and I didn't know anyone who personally who suffered one. I don't think there is anything wrong with people grieving in private and I don't think that is what the campaign is trying to get accross. I think it's more about letting people know they aren't alone and if they want to talk there are tons of people out there dealing with the same issue. I think it will also help reduce the reaction some people have as if m/c is contagious.

Its also important for people to become aware of how m/c affects people's lives. Maybe if there was more education and awareness we wouldn't get so many insensitive comments like we do now.

Rawr08 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

I feel like putting a face to it is great. I think it is important to show that it can happen to ANYONE.

MJM3108 · October 2010

Rawr08:
I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

Totally, 100% this... I couldn't have said it better myself...

lorlei13 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?

To me, this what the awareness is about. I want to be able to talk about my miscarriage without people looking at me like I have three heads. And while grieving in private is good for some (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it), keeping all that emotion and hurt bottled up did more harm than good for me. Honestly, it wasn't until I came to this board that I realized that I hadn't grieved. I had no one IRL that I could talk to about what I was experiencing and what I was going through except for an aunt that I didn't talk to much. So here I am, 3 years after losing my LO and I am finally able to talk to people who understand and grieve the loss. I am finally at a point where I feel like I am healing and can remember my LO without feeling pain. So if mc/pl wasn't such a taboo subject and more people were aware of it, I might have been able to heal long ago.

leneae10 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

Sorry, totally butting in, but FoL, FoH does have resources for supporters (in the new forums that are coming, they have a section where family members can ask mc/pl survivors questions) and I believe I saw resource links for supporters, too.

Cristine · October 2010

I really think awareness of how common it is is important. I couldn't believe how many people I knew had gone through this. It made me feel less like my body was completely broken.

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

Rawr08:

I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

BlakeG · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

I think it's great that you don't feel like you can't talk about it, but I don't think that is everyone's experience. I know for me, I didn't have anyone who went through it and I really felt like I had no one to talk to because no one had any knowledge about the situation and I felt like a freak of nature. I had no clue how common it was.

I don't think specific resources need to be provided to teach people how to be supportive. I think by educating people about m/c and by showing them that it can affect anyone, anywhere, people will have a better understanding of the situation and be better equiped to support someone going through it.

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

BlakeG:
erinlovesdavid:

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

I think it's great that you don't feel like you can't talk about it, but I don't think that is everyone's experience. I know for me, I didn't have anyone who went through it and I really felt like I had no one to talk to because no one had any knowledge about the situation and I felt like a freak of nature. I had no clue how common it was.

I don't think specific resources need to be provided to teach people how to be supportive. I think by educating people about m/c and by showing them that it can affect anyone, anywhere, people will have a better understanding of the situation and be better equiped to support someone going through it.

These are good points.

I guess for myself, I am a private person, in general. So maybe the fact that I don't *want* to talk about it (with anyone other than my closest friends and family, who have, on the whole, been quite supportive of me) influences how I feel in regards to whether or not I *can* talk about it.

ikissedthecook · October 2010

leneae10:
erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

Sorry, totally butting in, but FoL, FoH does have resources for supporters (in the new forums that are coming, they have a section where family members can ask mc/pl survivors questions) and I believe I saw resource links for supporters, too.

This! And I think Faces of Loss is good because it helps people share their stories. Not only can that be theraputic for the individual sharing the story, it can also help people reading the stories. For example, I can search under the terms MTHFR or PAI-1 and see how other people coped and what they are doing to treat or address the issue.

lovely40 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
Rawr08:

I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

I would hope that part of this bringing awareness would also involve education. Education about how common it is and education that it IS a big deal. It IS a loss that deserves to be recognized.

I had the same original questions about it as you did though. I wondered if any money donated would go to research.

pineapple0726 · October 2010

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

It's as simple as this: making people aware of how common it is helps those going through it that they are not alone. No one likes to feel like they are alone and that no one understands what they are going through. It doesn't matter if you prefer to talk about it or grieve alone, knowing that others are going through the same thing is somewhat comforting.

jertie · October 2010

I think you hit on two of the main points. 1) Prevention of mc/pl, in instances where it is preventable, by stressing the importance prenatal care (OB visits, PNV, proper diet, etc.), 2) Lifting the veil on pl/mc - showing others that it's not as uncommon as it seems to be. I think it is also a great vehicle for people who have experienced a loss and provide them with resources for coping with the grief.

I have to say that I had the exact question a couple of weeks back. Then I went out to the Faces of Loss site, started reading some of the stillbirth loss stories and it was as if their stories were mine and only the names were different. Reading the stories made me very aware that there were others who understood my sadness, guilt and anger - and I was comforted by the fact that I wasn't alone.

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

ikissedthecook:
leneae10:
erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

Sorry, totally butting in, but FoL, FoH does have resources for supporters (in the new forums that are coming, they have a section where family members can ask mc/pl survivors questions) and I believe I saw resource links for supporters, too.

This! And I think Faces of Loss is good because it helps people share their stories. Not only can that be theraputic for the individual sharing the story, it can also help people reading the stories. For example, I can search under the terms MTHFR or PAI-1 and see how other people coped and what they are doing to treat or address the issue.

I totally get that part, too. Bonding, coping, sharing stories with others who have been there. So is the campaign more for those who have experienced a loss, or for those who have not? Maybe I am naiive in the assumption that anyone who has experienced a loss has been informed (usually quite nonchalantly by some professional in a white coat) of how common it actually is.

shouldbworkin · October 2010

I think the intention is to reduce stigma, educate and inform. It happens to so many women and so many feel alone, for no reason b/c it happens so often! But, no one knows b/c it isn't talked about. And, why should anyone be embarrassed about it and not talk about it? There's no reason, IMO.

BlakeG · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

It's just about education. Most people don't even think miscarriage is a possibility when they are pregnant. I wish I had known before hand how common it was to mentally prepare myself a little.

Nothing will erase the pain of losing your baby. But when that grief is compounded with feeling completely alone, like a freak of nature, like no one else in the world has been through this, it just makes it that much more unbearable. Its just like we find comfort here through other women that have been through the same thing. What if I never came on this board? I'm sure I would still feel completely lost and alone. Not everyone knows about this board or others like it. If miscarriage and pregnancy loss is something that is commonly discussed maybe people wouldn't feel so alone.

damabo80 · October 2010

It's interesting....I asked DH if he was going to tell his family about our latest loss (they know about the previous loss and our IF treatments). He said that he's not going to tell them until a baby comes out because he doesn't want them to tell others.

It struck me as weird...as I don't really care who knows about our loss (the details of the first loss [termination] I may be vague about to some people), but this latest loss was pure miscarriage. It struck me as weird that he felt the need to be that private about it all.

I don't know whether this "campaign" is going to help that mindset, but it is nice to be able to read other's stories who went through something similar. Most of the anencephaly websites out there preach carrying to term, so I do feel alone in the regard that I chose the other option.

leneae10 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid, for the sake of space, I won't quote, but FoL in particular is geared toward the parents AND supporters. There's really nothing out there like it.

ikissedthecook · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:
leneae10:
erinlovesdavid:
ikissedthecook:

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

I guess I don't feel like I am forced to grieve in private, but that it is my choice. That is probably why I don't understand this campaign.

The second part makes sense, but in terms of the "faces of loss" campaign, it seems like they are not offering resources on how to support a loved one who has experienced mc/pl, just *showing* you who has, KWIM?

Sorry, totally butting in, but FoL, FoH does have resources for supporters (in the new forums that are coming, they have a section where family members can ask mc/pl survivors questions) and I believe I saw resource links for supporters, too.

This! And I think Faces of Loss is good because it helps people share their stories. Not only can that be theraputic for the individual sharing the story, it can also help people reading the stories. For example, I can search under the terms MTHFR or PAI-1 and see how other people coped and what they are doing to treat or address the issue.

I totally get that part, too. Bonding, coping, sharing stories with others who have been there. So is the campaign more for those who have experienced a loss, or for those who have not? Maybe I am naiive in the assumption that anyone who has experienced a loss has been informed (usually quite nonchalantly by some professional in a white coat) of how common it actually is.

I feel that awareness in general is for both parties- those who have experienced a loss, and those who have not. Bot FOL,FOH is more geared to those that have IMO, but it still reaches those who have not. By giving Facebook links and stuff like that, it shows people who have not experienced a loss that it does happen, and it can happen to anybody, and those who have experienced it are just average people too, like you and me.

erinlovesdavid · October 2010

I guess it all boils down to semantics. I understand and agree with most of the points that you ladies are making.

It seems that the FoL/FoH campaign extends beyond simple awareness, and it's audience is different, and more broad, than what I thought. I'm glad I asked Smile

ColleenS629 · October 2010

ikissedthecook:
erinlovesdavid:

Unlike other awareness campaigns, increasing public awareness of how common mc/pl is will do nothing to reduce the devastating number of pregnancy losses that happen. Are there areas of study that are aiming at reducing mc/pl that need funding? Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?
It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.
I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

100% this. Ikissedthecook, you are so wise Smile

CashewsMommy · October 2010

I didn't get through all the comments yet. I'm sorry if this has already been said.

My point of view comes from the later loss, stillbirth side. Like breast cancer raises awareness for you to do a self check. When I get comfortable to talk like this to pregnant women, it will be to do your kick counts and if it starts to slow, let your doctor know... and do not take the "it's normal" for granted. Asked to get checked, express your concerns.

Even in my 2nd to last ultrasound, she wasn't moving a lot. I got the "it's normal". Her hearbeat was down 30 beats from her normal... and i got "it's normal". While yes, it may be... sometimes, it may not be normal though.

I never had a NST because things were so perfect. I'm not wondering that if i did, would it have shown something? You never know, but i should have asked more to the "it's normal".

lindsay.lou · October 2010

I'd like to add....I think there is still room for research to be done in the area of mc/pl.

I think bringing awareness could bring important funding to the area. A lot of women on here miscarried babies that were, by all measures, perfectly healthy. Why did that happen??

We don't *really* even know definitively what does and does not cause m/c....and that's maddening to me.

Plus, I see an inherent benefit to awareness. How could it possibly be better for people to be unaware?

ikissedthecook · October 2010

lindsay.lou:

I'd like to add....I think there is still room for research to be done in the area of mc/pl.

I think bringing awareness could bring important funding to the area. A lot of women on here miscarried babies that were, by all measures, perfectly healthy. Why did that happen??

We don't *really* even know definitively what does and does not cause m/c....and that's maddening to me.

Yes!!! I don't understand why there seems to be no programs that are dedicated to funding more research, or if they are out there, why they are so hard to find. If this happens to 2,000 women a day, that's a lot of lives touched by pregnancy loss. I don't understand why more people aren't rallying for more research in the area. I agree, there are too many "we don't know"s in this category to be acceptable.

magpiebride61210 · October 2010

BlakeG:

I think it's about removing the stigma and just educating people about how common it is. I had no idea that so many pregnancies ended in m/c and I didn't know anyone who personally who suffered one. I don't think there is anything wrong with people grieving in private and I don't think that is what the campaign is trying to get accross. I think it's more about letting people know they aren't alone and if they want to talk there are tons of people out there dealing with the same issue. I think it will also help reduce the reaction some people have as if m/c is contagious.

Its also important for people to become aware of how m/c affects people's lives. Maybe if there was more education and awareness we wouldn't get so many insensitive comments like we do now.

bingo! this is where my efforts are going to be focused. I will be "outing" myself on FB I've decided, in an effort to educate others. I never wish this sort of pain on anyone, but it's high time a woman grieving is allowed to do so withouth being "rushed" or pressured to "get over it". I want others out there to understand this is a serious issue, that requires serious patience and compassion from everyone.

Rawr08 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
Rawr08:

I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

I personally feel if I had known all the facts when I got pregnant. If I had known how common it is, it may have been easier on me. I'm not saying the "It's common" comment doesn't hurt when you go through it. But it being my first pregnancy, and not knowing of ANYONE who had a loss, I felt alone. I didn't feel like I could talk about it. I really felt like a leper, like everyone was judging me.

I guess the way I would compare is would be to the LGBT awareness. What good does that do? Except raise awareness and let those who are going through their issues know they are not alone. To educate those who are uneducated about the issue. For family and friends to have resources they can turn to.

When I had my miscarriage and told my Grandma, you would have thought I had killed my own baby. Grandma doesn't know anything about miscarriage or infant loss, she doesn't know how to react. For that I am thankful there are resources for her and those like her. Books, magazine articles, new broadcasts, whatever they may be.

Karen1998 · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
Unlike other awareness campaigns, increasing public awareness of how common mc/pl is will do nothing to reduce the devastating number of pregnancy losses that happen. Are there areas of study that are aiming at reducing mc/pl that need funding? Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?

Yes. This the March of Dimes' mission. Once they mostly eradicated polio in the First world, they set out to help women to have healthy full term babies. Ironically, we walked their local fundraising walk the day we got the BFP. I think the other main function of this day is to help remove the stigma as well.

a&b=him&me · October 2010

I think that for every person it is different.

When I went through the loss of Evelyn I also went through "wtf is preeclampsia and why the hell do I have it". Making people aware of EVERYTHING that can happen during pregnancy is important (naive noobs be prepared).

I had no idea what preeclampsia was and when sadly, I lost her I didn't have anyone who knew what it was like to go through that so essential while I had a support system I had no one to talk to who KNEW or could relate. So bringing awareness to it is important.

Will it stop miscarriage, IC, pPROM, Preeclampsia and the many, many other things no.

But, it will provide a bigger community for women who have gone through it who need to talk about it and hopefully a broader mind set for women who are looking to get pregnant that are unaware - know some symptoms so you yourself dont have to rely solely on your Dr (cause lets face it not all dr's are created equal).

JMO

e_uecker · October 2010

I feel like the point is to make it something that we all feel comfortable talking about. Like you said, removing the stigma. To me that is the goal, and an important one.

rock-elle · October 2010

Because IMO, if more are aware of how many losses there are maybe there will be more publicity and funds to make testing more affordable to those who want it to prevent this in the future.

And because dammit we deserve recognition...!

gracie5107 · October 2010

ikissedthecook:
erinlovesdavid:

Unlike other awareness campaigns, increasing public awareness of how common mc/pl is will do nothing to reduce the devastating number of pregnancy losses that happen. Are there areas of study that are aiming at reducing mc/pl that need funding? Is the intention to remove the stigma or tendency of our society to keep mc/pl on the "hush hush"? If that's the case, what is "wrong" with grieving in private?

It's my impression that this is the big goal. Not that it's "wrong" to grieve in private, but I don't think women should made to feel like they have to. Right now, I think there is such taboo on the subject, many women feel they can't open up about it. Ithink the goal is to lift that taboo so they can should they so choose to.

I also think awareness also helps stop people from making ignorant comments like, "What did you do wrong?" And other hurtful things.

This exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself, so I'm not going to try

Gummybear · October 2010

lrachelle80:
CashewsMommy:

I didn't get through all the comments yet. I'm sorry if this has already been said.

My point of view comes from the later loss, stillbirth side. Like breast cancer raises awareness for you to do a self check. When I get comfortable to talk like this to pregnant women, it will be to do your kick counts and if it starts to slow, let your doctor know... and do not take the "it's normal" for granted. Asked to get checked, express your concerns.

Even in my 2nd to last ultrasound, she wasn't moving a lot. I got the "it's normal". Her hearbeat was down 30 beats from her normal... and i got "it's normal". While yes, it may be... sometimes, it may not be normal though.

I never had a NST because things were so perfect. I'm not wondering that if i did, would it have shown something? You never know, but i should have asked more to the "it's normal".

Just to echo this...

In retrospect, I could literally shoot myself over everything that I did wrong. Not in terms of my pregnancy, but in terms of being my own advocate. There were so many signs of what was going to happen, but like Cashew, I was told, "It's normal!" over and over and over and over. Clearly it wasn't. If someone learns my story and is able to prevent a loss because she gets her cervix checked out, or puts her foot down and demands an ultrasound because she thinks her water broke....then dear god. At least Caleb's death would have done something.

Also, I never felt so along and fcked up than I did after my loss. I knew people had early losses...and I knew people had stillborn babies...but who the eff loses their baby halfway through? [Note: Not saying any one of those is worse than the other, just that I'd heard of early and heard of late losses, but never 'middle'.] I never even considered it as a possibility. I felt like I had failed my child and like I'd done something wrong and like everyone knew it and was judging me. Now I know at least two dozen other women who have suffered almost the exact same thing as me, and some of that guilt is gone.

Same here. I asked at several times if things were "normal". I mentioned him not moving hardly at all -- normal. I mentioned at my nuchal scan when he measured spot on for gestational age is it was OK -- he had measure d 5 days ahead at 5 other u/s along the way -- normal. His head measured ahead when he died but his body was all curled up so we couldn't really get an accurate measurement and I STILL think he was dying inside of me because I had lost my m/s and felt better.

ColindaP · October 2010

erinlovesdavid:
Rawr08:

I feel like it is important to let everyone know how common it really is. When I went through my loss I knew nothing about it. I felt like I had done something wrong, I felt like people looked at me different. Once I started researching and realized how common it was I felt it was important for everyone to know. I don't know how others have been raised - but miscarriage and infant loss was NEVER talked about. When I thought of miscarriage I thought of an awful stereotype.

I feel like everyone can deal with their loss in their own way. I, at first, chose to go about it privately, but when I realized I was not alone I almost felt obligated to let others know it is a common occurrence. I think it is a great cause to raise awareness for those who are unaware and who may go through it in the future.

Devil's advocate point: How would making people aware of how common miscarriage is help them to go through it in the future? Isn't that something we all complain about here? "Oh, you had a miscarriage...well, it's very common, ya know..."

Devil's advocate's advocate: because we never hear that until it's too late. Most women don't go into pregnancy with an understanding of just what great a chance we stand of losing the pregnancy. We go into assuming that BFP = baby.

IMO, it's about losing the taboo and the stigma and showing that women who lose their babies are "normal" women, not freebasing crack whores who eat paint chips.

And recurrent pregnancy loss (which, granted, is a very small minority) is a white whale of medicine. I would LOVE for more research to be put into pregnancy loss and the causes. No, that won't undo my miscarriages. But I don't think "well, it happens, that's that" is sufficient. You are more than 30 times more likely to have a stillborn baby than to lose an infant to SIDS. But due to awareness campaigns, research was done into the causes of SIDS, and now we have the simple recommendations that can reduce the risk of SIDS.

linz85 · October 2010

Cristine:
I really think awareness of how common it is is important. I couldn't believe how many people I knew had gone through this. It made me feel less like my body was completely broken.

This!!!!

JayandTay09 · October 2010

I think it is important to remove the stigma around mc/pl...To let people know that it happens and there is support out there...I know when we had our first loss I felt alone and lost...Like it was this terrible and embarrassing thing that happened to me and no one could understand what we were going through...I felt like I was all alone and losing it...So I think it is important for people to know that there is support out there and they aren't alone...

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