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Pregnant after a Loss
** Confessions **
are there any tonight??
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Re: ** Confessions **
*DH has a daily comment on my growing belly. It's either blimp, michelin, moo, bobber or whatever. I'm sick of it. I know he's kidding but it does nothing for my self esteem
*I know people on here think I'm horrible for not getting a flu shot.
* I feel confused about the pain I am feeling whether its beginning of labor or just lightening and my cervix dilating, etc..
* I want to have this baby, but I am so content with the baby inside of me b/c I am amazed daily what this little one can do
* I hope DH and I are able to have a "date" tomorrow before baby comes
*I hate being sick. ?
*I'm too tired to type anything else... ?:/?
I took about an hour lunch today and it was great.
I just got peanut butter on my computer keys....oops
DH was right next to me last night in our king size bed. I couldn't move over or I would have fallen off! Not tonight- I am sleeping in the middle!
*My head has been killing me all day. I really hope this rain comes through and soon.
*I am the pooping queen this week - both yesterday and today have been productive!!
* I hate getting near my next ob appt (monday) - this is when I really start to worry and think that things aren't going right.
*I must have some hope since I scheduled my big u/s today.
*I got my hcg and progesterone levels re-done this afternoon and I am so scared that tomorrow I'll get bad news.
*I have been very gassy lately, but DH just took the cake by actually lifting up his left buttcheek and farting. Klassy.
*I want this baby out so bad it hurts!
*Flame me if you will..but I would not be against an induction shortly after my due date, if my OB would let me. I just can't take being pregnant anymore..I am in incredible pain and have been getting about 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night for the past two weeks because I cannot get comfortable [laying on my back leaves me short of breath, laying on either side kills my hips and pelvis]. My OBs due date is two days behind my real one anyways [stupid wheel], so it's not like I'd be "forcing" this baby to come out early. I just can't wait to be done =(
*I just ate an entire box of mac and cheese by myself
*my cramps and contractions went away again and I started crying. I can't take all of these "false alarms". I hope my water just breaks so I KNOW.
2 beautiful children
proud mommy!
*I need to sleep tonight.
*I had to cancel my maternity pics last week b/c I was so nauseous. She's coming tomorrow. I'm so excited.
* I eat a lot
* I hate being scared
* I am the proud owner of a cankle
* I really like working, and I really like working with kids.
* I don't ever want to leave Kellen... I have a hard time running to the store.
* I understand way more than I ever did before about the internal mommy war with regards to working.
* I kind of resent the fact that DH didn't go to college sooner so that I could stay home.
* This place is a f*cking disaster... but I refuse to dedicate too much time to organizing it. That would be admitting we are staying here for a while.
*I am having way more BH. I never really had them too much before.
*I am worried I will not know when it is "time".
*I am very sad for my BFF. She didn't see a h/b at her second u/s today.
I have a lot tonight so get comfortable ...
*Exciting/happy things for today = Dresser is in so we will have the nursery pretty much done this weekend! Bought a very cute Christmas outfit for BFF's baby. DH is getting sooooo cute, he's been rubbing my belly and putting his ear to my belly all the time lately, it makes me melt.
*Otherwise, I am feeling very scared and anxious today. I had a total meltdown for the first time in a while. I am terrified that this baby will come too early and we are not even close to ready.
*I snissed again today and totally wet my underwear ... And I find it totally hysterical.
*Our house has a funky smell to it and I can't figure out where it's coming from, and it's really bothering me.
*My mom really pissed me off today. She volunteered to make us dinner once a week so I don't have to cook as often, which is very nice and generous of her. But tonight she comes over to drop it off and proceeds to tell me that she's sick - she has a cold and also has diarrhea. Gee thanks, now I want to eat the food you made. I asked her to please not cook for us, or come over, when she isn't feeling well. She seemed surprised that I would say this. I am really furious about it and refuse to eat what she brought. She insists she was "very careful" and wore gloves when cooking but still. Gross. I then disinfected all the doorknobs she touched, and washed my hands for about 10 minutes.
*I have an appt tomorrow and I'm nervous about it. I really hope she does an internal to make sure my cervix hasn't changed, because I'm still having a fair amount of contractions. I'm still also nervous about my size, because I honestly don't think I've grown at all in over a month.
First the positive ones:?
* I am over the moon that I finally figured out how to PIP. It's a Festivus miracle, I tell ya.
* I'm very excited to see my little guy on u/s tomorrow! I wish 11am would just get here already.?
* 2 people RSVPd finally to my shower who were the LAST peeps I thought would come...and then 2 of my "youngling" friends finally told me they could come - so that is 4 more people! Again...miraculous!
?
And now for the negative:?
* As excited as I am for the u/s, I'm also totally freaking out that they will tell me something is terribly wrong with him that they didn't see at 18 weeks. Ugg.
* I was in such a tizzy this morning about my weight gain, and DH was yelling at me that I was acting like a selfish maniac. It led me to actually wonder out loud if they should just induce me at 38 weeks so that I can get back on zoloft sooner. I was just worried that my craziness might affect the baby. Of course now that I'm in a better mood, that sounds nutty. It's amazing how out of control my mind gets over something as stupid and shallow as weight. It makes me angry at myself.?
* I also have a cankle.
* I almost hit a deer on my drive home from dancing tonight. I actually can't believe that I didn't pee myself.
* Apparently I made the transition this week from being the cute pregnant girl at work to the ridiculously pregnant girl at work.
* I really can't stand my co-worker.
* I had my first prenatal massage today and it was just so-so. I don't know if she can't use as much pressure as a normal massage but it just didn't do anything for me
* I wish I felt cute and pregnant but I just feel like a fat cow