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2nd Trimester
Who plans on letting their husband watch?
So, I wish there was some way into coaxing ny DH into just standing at the head of the bed with me while giving birth but I don't think he'll go for it at all. Seriously, I am as laid back/ liberal as they come but if I WERE A MAN no matter how "OKAY" I claimed to be watching a big head come out of my wife's vagina I have to think I'd be "affected" in some way. I want to try and always have the same great sex life we have always had so I'm worried. I have had girlfriends tell me their husbands did just this...said they were fine with it and then later confess it did in fact affect them a little. Any ladies not letting their DH watch or any of you second time Moms have experience with this?
Thanks in advance:)!
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Re: Who plans on letting their husband watch?
(m/c 1.17.07, m/c 5.15.07)
DS - 03.15.08
DD2 - 12.03.09
DD3 - 3.28.11
H has been on board with standing by my head the whole time. Last weekend he delivered a baby and is even more on board with keeping his back to my vag the entire time. I've witnessed the birth of all my nieces and nephews and thought it was beautiful in an emotional sense but let's be honest it's not a pretty scene.
This.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
I'm leaving this decision up to DH. I told him he's welcome to watch or just stand at the head of the bed if he wants. He says it'll be a game-time decision. I'm secretly hoping he decides to not check things out down there, but it won't really bother me if he wants to. :-)
BFP #2 ~ 4/22/2010 ~ EDD 12/29/2010 ~ Born 12/19/2010 ~ My Rainbow Baby
BFP #3 ~ 6/10/2012 ~ EDD 2/20/2013 ~ HB 100bpm @ 9w3d ~ M/C 7/11/2012
BFP #4 ~ 3/16/2013 ~ EDD 11/20/2013 ~ Born 11/17/2013 ~ Rainbow Baby #2
I guess I never thought of making DH not watch. I mean if he didn't want to I would have been fine with it, but I don't think I could tell him not to watch his baby being born. That's an amazing moment that only comes along once (twice, etc) in a lifetime. If he wants to watch you might want to consider letting him. A friend of ours did tell him not to watch the episiotomy though, and he listened to that.
I guess it might make your DH think of your vag differently, but I'm pretty sure that's not where his mind is going during sex. My mind is usually wandering during foreplay but I think men are much better at staying focused on the task at hand. In fact our post partum sex life was great, better than before getting pregnant even.
DH said to me last time "I am standing as close to your head as possible, i CANNOT see that" ..
Then when the time came, he was so into the birth and process that he ended up actually cutting the cord and seeing quite a bit. He said "Yes, it was gross but it was amazing. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion."
My DH is NOT an emotional guy but boy were the tears streaming down his face.. in a time like that, just like you as the mother are not thinking about your modesty, your husband as well is only thinking about you and the baby.
So to answer, my DH is pumped to be super involved again and thinks the whole process is amazing!
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
Married Bio
I totally agree with this. I will be interested to see what DH decides to do when it is all happening!
I am not sure if he will watch. I have pleaded with him not to but I have never had a baby so I don't know how we will feel while in the moment.
He isn't grossed out by anything and loves gore but this seems totally different to me. My concerns didn't really center around the actual act of sex but all the other fun stuff he does down there!
Whoever said their DH was warned not to watch the episiotomy, ditto. Many of our friends told him to look away when this happens. Also the epidural but he isn't weirded out by needles, unlike me! He watches totally captivated while I get my blood drawn. I hate it.
Thanks for the great reponses...per usual you have helped put my mind at ease. I'm sure he'll decide to watch but I've made a note to tell him not to watch the episiotimy. In a perfect world, I won't have one. Yeah, right:)
Keep the reponses coming!
It's such a different context than sex, too. I saw myself with a mirror briefly before he crowned, and my doula took some pictures, and the part that was more traumatizing to me is what DS' head looked like. It was this freaky, red, slimy walnut thing, with all the skin pulled tight over the overlapping skull plates. It was NOT a cute little baby head! It was a cute baby head a few minutes later, luckily. :-)
I think it's similar to seeing your partner throw up and later still feeling OK kissing them on the mouth, or seeing them pee or have a bad wound. You see each other in all sorts of compromising ways when you're married, but manage to get past it.
My DH will likely be at my head again though - he's pretty squeamish about blood.
The only thing that was said before delivery with DD was, whatever happens in that room will not leave that room (specifically referring to pooping on the table
It will never be mentioned. DH agreed 
But in all seriousness, I could not imagine DH not watching. I also had a mirror so I could see the progress that was being made while pushing since I could not feel anything. It did not change our sex life one bit and I asked if he regretted watching and he said no. I think it actually brought us closer and he has a new since of admiration for me for going through it.
GL to you and your H!
I really didn't even think of asking dh not to look.
He was helping and when the time came checked this out and was SO encouraging. I was really out of it but I remember him coaching me and saying "he's almost here!! keep pushing! omg, wow!!" He was crying, I was crying. It was amazing. Your mind doesn't really go to the "omg my vag is huge and he can see it"
That being said. the other day ds was laying in my lap and slinked forward and ds's head was pretty much in my crotch and feet by my feet and dh goes "OMG, I just had a flashback!!"
Bahahahaha!
and no, it didn't affect our sex life. Having a baby is so amazing and I think its GOOD for a hubby to see what our bodies can do. Its pretty amazing when you think about it.
My husband was weird about the whole thing going into it. But after 43 hours of labor, and almost 2 hours of pushing he was done with modesty. After Jack was born, one of the first things he said to me was, 'OMG you shot amniotic fluid ALL over your OB! I mean, she was COVERED!'
lol
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
DH saw it all last time - and trust me, it hasn't affected our sex life or the way he views me in the least.
Personally, I think any man who sees his partner as "less" after watching her give birth needs to work on a few things.
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
yep
DH would have totally watched if I hadn't had a c/s.
Hell, he was down at "that end" with the doc for my IUIs. Doc offered to show him my cervix. Awesome. He was supposed to be there holding my hand - instead he held my toe.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
MH is a self-proclaimed above-the-waister. As of now, he's not interested in seeing the delivery.
I don't care what he decides to do - it's his child, and if he wants to see it being born, I won't stop him. But I've warned him that I WILL kill him with my bare hands if he decides to watch and starts gagging while I'm pushing.
I did not want DH to watch but he had no choice. I had the hardest time concentrating where I had to push so MW had us do the "tug of war" method. He had a full veiw of the whole birth.
He did awesome and was crying after. He said it was the most amazing experience EVER! He kept saying "I just watched my daughter being born."
Then he says "Oh it wasn't that bloody."
This.
He stood at the head of the bed with DS, and my MIL was my labor partner (thank God for her). He has opted out in advance if for some reason I have to have a CS this time. Which is good, because he passed out in ER when I was having blood drawn back in February.
My DH was beyond excited to watch his little ones come into the world! He had nothing but admiration for me after seeing the pain I went through to give him his precious children. And by the time we were given the okay to be intimate again, my hoo-ha was definitely in proper working order again.
He has, in no way, been negatively effected by watching me deliver his children.
But I also have the kind of husband who sees my stretch marks as the things I endured to give him his children, and not as ugly scars from pregnancy like I do. It makes it a lot easier to deal with post-baby body when your husband loves your body even more after it's changes are permanent.
Before I had dd, I said I didn't want him to watch. But when it came time to deliver, I really could have cared less what he did.
He did end up looking, but he said watching me have a vaginal sonogram was more uncomfortable for him than watching me birth our child.
Obviously, our sex life was not affected, as I'm knocked up again.
I told DH I would prefer him to just hold my hand and hang by my head, but if he wants to look he can't blame me if it traumatizes him...I do not want to see a mirror or touch the head. I have seen birthing videos I don't need to see it in person.
That said DH said he may get curious and want to take a peek, and that's ok but I would rather have him not...he may cut the cord though, he hasn't decided if he wants to yet.