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Baby Showers
need help- invite or don't invite
Hi all,
I'm having a bit of a dilema. Yesterday I had a surprise shower that was wonderful!! It was just my aunts, cousins, and very close family friends a total of 14 ppl total. In November my place of employment is throwing a shower for me with all my co-workers.
My dilema is that my girlfriends weren't invited to either shower, but are asking when I'm having it. I'm torn, bc I just went to my friends shower last week, another one is due in April, and the other 2 will eventually have showers also. My feeling is, and I'm not like this normally, is wait what about me??? I'm going to have a baby in December and they are going to get off the hook for having to make the trip from PA to OH for the shower and they won't have to buy a gift. Knowing my friends, once the baby is born, they won't come visit or buy a gift. I'm not selfish or like this in anyway, but my thinking is I'm going to buy them each a gift for their showers, and what about me???
What do you think I should do???? Should I ask my co-workers if I could invited them to the shower in November?? So torn...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: need help- invite or don't invite
NO, do not invite them to your work shower. That is a work/personal line that shouldn't be crossed. Work showers are not events to invite friends and family to.
When they ask, you just say "there are no other showers planned" and leave it at that. Either one of them will step up and throw one, or they won't.
Plus, I never, EVER, expect people to travel for a shower. The fact that they are all in a different state - I wouldn't be expecting them to come even if there was a shower they were invited to.
I have to add too - I kind of wonder what kind of friends you all are to each other. The way you write about them - doesn't sound too impressive.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I couldn't have said it better.
"I'm going to have a baby in December and they are going to get off the hook for having to make the trip from PA to OH for the shower and they won't have to buy a gift."
I'm sorry but this sounds just awful. People buy gifts out of the generosity of their hearts- no one has to do anything. If a friend wants to buy something for the baby- be gracious and appreciative- but expecting tit for tat is just not looking at the big picture.
8/25/10
You know, it's totally normal to have selfish feelings. I'm sure that everyone on this board has had them at some point. Who wouldn't be excited about friends and family getting together to celebrate your new addition? And come on, who doesn't get excited for gifts?
That being said, as much as selfish feelings are normal, it's really distasteful to act on them. It's really tacky to plan your own shower and your work shower should stay a work shower. Your co-workers are being really sweet be throwing you one to begin with and it's very rude to invite your girlfriends to it, especially since you're not the host.
Tell your girlfriends that you had a surprise shower and are very sorry that they weren't included in the guest list. Let them know that you don't have any other showers planned. Hopefully, they'll step up to the plate and plan you one or get you a present, but if they don't, there's nothing for you to do but be gracious and let it go.
Oh, and just because you intend to give your friends gifts for their babies does NOT mean they are obligated to get anything for you.
I guess this is just another reason "surprise" showers are not a good idea. If it had not been a surprise you could have given a guest list and they would have been included.
At this point I would just tell them that you had a surprise shower and the hostess did not ask for a guest list and that is why they were not invited. You can express that they definitely would have been included if you had known about it. Maybe one of them will offer to give you a "friend" shower. I would not invite them to your work shower.
As for ECB and the distance thing. I have relatives in Michigan, Indiana, Illinois and Missouri that I am very close to. People travel all the time to go to family showers. PA to OH is not that far. I would think nothing of traveling 3-4 hours to a shower. I had friends that traveled to my shower and actually got a hotel room for the night. They just all make it a fun time.
And quite honestly, when the time comes - if they do not give a gift to your child you can always choose not to attend their shower or give a gift to theirs. That is, if you still feel the same way when the time comes. I totally get what you are saying!