Is it normal to become unattracted to your boyfriend during pregnancy?

Allyson385 · September 2010

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and before I got pregnant I was head over heels in love with my boyfriend. As of lately I have become so annoyed with him and so un-attracted to him and so uninterested in any sort of physical intimacy. Its to the point where I am ready to end the relationship and do things on my own. I have been trying so hard to find my feelings for him again but they are just completely gone. Even just looking at him annoys the crap out of me. Is it normal to feel this way during pregnancy?

heathert323 · September 2010

Yes, believe it or not. My BF annoyed to the point of not being able to be in the same room. It goes away. I love him more than ever now.

slgilbert · September 2010

I think it's totally normal. You are pregnant and everything husbands / Boyfriends / partners do during this time will frustrate the holy hell out of you. I feel this way sometimes, but I remember that it's not really me thinking this way, it's pregnant me. Wait until the baby is born and if you still really feel this way, maybe you two should talk?

Heather & Nayt · September 2010

Yes, my DH can be annoying at times, but I can honeslty say I am more in love with him everyday. Don't do anything crazy based on pregnancy hormones, they are wacky! But I do think it is something you two should talk about, because it is not normal to want to pack up and leave. Would seeing someone about it help? You want to be sure you are bringing your baby into a healthy home. GL!

Lindsey312 · September 2010

Heather & Nayt:
Yes, my DH can be annoying at times, but I can honeslty say I am more in love with him everyday. Don't do anything crazy based on pregnancy hormones, they are wacky! But I do think it is something you two should talk about, because it is not normal to want to pack up and leave. Would seeing someone about it help? You want to be sure you are bringing your baby into a healthy home. GL!

This

samanthahollman · September 2010

Make sure to keep the line of communication open. If that closes, you guys are screwed. I believe it is your hormones going all crazy, because mine are too! Every time I see my FI in the kitchen it drives me INSANE!

Try and go see a therapist. FI and I have been seeing one for almost 3 years. It's the best thing we could have done!

Good luck!

ManiacMcGee · September 2010

I'm more in line with Heather.

I've never loved my husband more. Sure, he's annoying, who isn't? And yes the pregnancy hormones make me snap at him a little more harshly than usual, but I always feel bad about my reaction.

I don't think you should blame the pregnancy for wanting out of a relationship. There were probably underlying issues that are just coming to the surface. I think that some counseling (for you or for you both) would be helpful.

Good luck!

rickisue80 · September 2010

I definitely agree with Heather on this one. You need to see someone or try to talk to your bf about this. It's normal to be emotional and moody, but not normal to want to leave because of hormones. There has to be something going on that you're either unaware of or unwilling to admit to. You definitely want to think this through and really try. You love him for a reason (or did) and you need to remember that sometimes. DH annoys me quite a bit now that I'm KU (the constant "Are you okay" "Don't eat that" "Dont drink that" "dont lift that" can get rather annoying and grating on the nerves), but I have never loved him more than I do today. And I'll probably say the same thing tomorrow. Definitely seek couseling or at the very least spend some good conversation time with your bf. Your baby deserves that. And so do you and your bf. Good luck!

Hotomale · September 2010

I don't think you necessarily need to see a therapist. I thought I was completely out of love with DH when I was pregnant with DS. I didn't want him to touch me or be around me - even his smell totally bothered me. It all went back to normal thought once my hormones got back into check and I love him even more now.

I'm so glad now that I just dealt with it for the time being and didn't make a big deal about it!!

erinygardner · September 2010

How long have you been with you're BF?

It's normal for relationships to have thier high points and thier low points. I've been with my husband for over 8 years and I wouldn't say I was "head over heels" for him the whole time. That's just not realistic. There were times I was crazy about him, and there were times when he just drove me crazy. There were times when he made me super hot and time when I just wanted to be left alone so I could watch my Project Runway.

If a long term committed relationship teaches you anything it's how to put things in thier proper perspective. Over time the ups and downs in a (good) relationship tend to level out. While the excitement and passion of the first year or so may never come back, I found it was replaced by a deeper love, appreciation and commitment that ultimately was far more fulfilling for me.

I guess what I'm saying is that there's a lot of farts and sweat pants that happen in a long term relationship. So don't be to hard on yourself if you aren't attracted to your partner all the time.

Spazkat1220 · September 2010

Yes it is, and worse yet it is quite possible to become annoyed with everyone around you. My best advice is to not fight the urge for alone time. My husband and I got in a huge fight once in my 3rd tri and I just calmly put my street clothes on and walked out the door. I took the commuter train downtown and back just to get away and get some space. It wasn't that I did not love him it was just me needing some time alone...or away from him. It is natural not only in pregnancy but in marriage period.

1isaad · September 2010

This is totally normal! I can't believe no moderator has mentioned it.

There have been studies about the effects of pregnancy on sexual attraction, and the results show it is typical to become unattracted to men with whom you previously had the best chemistry, in favor of men who are more similar, biologically, to your family members. Pregnancy and hormonal birth control have also been shown to increase the attraction to feminine men, and decrease attraction to masculine men.

Try searching pregnancy, attraction, sex, psychology.

He may be experiencing it, too (my BF told me he suddenly didn't feel comfortable kissing me before he found out I was KU and that's when I decided to tell him), but not everyone is sensitive to chemistry, so he may not even notice.

I just remind myself not to give those feelings too much power. They're temporary, and we can break up later when my body and brain are back to normal. This is no time to decide something like that.

There's a good book about female neurology that has a section on brain changes during pregnancy. So good. Can't remember the title, but it's the only book I can find on the subject, and it's pretty new. I recommend it to understand these changes in psychology.

staclinusa · September 2010

Yes! It's totally normal to not want your SO around, especially in the early weeks of pregnancy. Your hormones are so crazy, plus most of us don't feel all that well, so the little things start to really get to us. I yelled at DH the other day for chewing his Cream of Wheat! I do think you need to have a talk with him, though. If this is his first child he probably has no idea what to do to help or that his normal way of being could annoy the heck out of you. I found a great book called She's Having a Baby... and I'm Having a Breakdown that has really helped DH.

nadiahrynkiw · September 2010

I am having the same problem! We could not keep our hands off each other, even up until the 5th week. Now, I have been sleeping on the couch because I just can't stand to be around him or intimate with him. Everything he does irritates me and I have even contemplated spending a few nights elsewhere. I have fought the urge so far lol, now all of my friends keep telling me this will pass after the first trimester. Good luck, hang in there- it will get better. If it doesn't in the next few months then make your move.
Don't feel guilty for being honest about how you are feeling, everyone does not take pregnancy the same way!

viopeach · September 2010

I went through the same thing. now, I follow him around because I crave the closeness.

rkenyon89 · September 2010

I hear ya! I stopped wanting anything intimate (for the past few weeks). I wouldnt even want to touch while we were sleeping, I wanted to be on my side of the bed, and I wanted him to be on his side of the bed. And he would complain about not having sex, me being grumpy and getting an attitude over everything. (breathes). I tell him its my hormones and that I love him no matter what, and that I will get over all of this. Somettimes I have to force myself just to be intimate, it's my duty! I hope that things get better with you and your bf

And IMO, it is normal.

jinfan · September 2010

I wouldn't say it is normal but I think it has a lot to do with hormones. I am the same way with my husband sometimes. I was like that too before I got pregnant I suffered from PMDD and it would get so bad I would be ready to make huge life changes and have to remind myself it is only hormones and I wont feel that way in a few days. And, of course in a few days I was back to my normal happy self. (until next month LOL)

But I do still get that way sometimes still. My DH will do something that aggravates me and I blow it out of proportion and just want him to leave. I think you need to keep in mind that your hormones are raging and pregnancy is a huge thing.. talk to your boyfriend let him know that your having some not so normal feelings. If your not comfortable talking to him make sure you talk to someone.

traci37 · September 2010

Hotomale:

I don't think you necessarily need to see a therapist. I thought I was completely out of love with DH when I was pregnant with DS. I didn't want him to touch me or be around me - even his smell totally bothered me. It all went back to normal thought once my hormones got back into check and I love him even more now.

I'm so glad now that I just dealt with it for the time being and didn't make a big deal about it!!

My mom couldn't stand the smell of my dad, especially when wearing cologne, when she was pregnant with me. This didn't last long though.

Amieka · September 2010

I could have written this word-for-word in my first trimester. I was soooooo over my bf in the beginning. All of a sudden his snoring was so unbearable i didnt want him in our bed, I hated the way he looked, dressed, even smelled! We were in the middle of moving and had an overlap in time left on our old lease and being able to move into our new place. I took advantage of this and told him I thought it'd be a good idea if he just moved in without me and I spent the last few weeks at our old place alone....I just couldnt be around him! I knew I didnt want to be sexual with him and the guilt from that made me not even want to kiss him for risk of being a tease or sending mixed messages....It was bad! Thankfully, it was CLEARLY just hormones because literally--I kid you not--as soon as I was a few weeks into my 2nd tri, I immediately felt SO much better. I got my energy back, my nausea subsided and my body let me enjoy sex again! I think its really unfair for some women to respond like your relationship is in shambles. YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!!! Your body is not your own anymore and it took me a long time to recognize and accept this. Now i'm not saying that it isnt possible---you could very well be at the end of your relationship. But the timing is highly suspicious seeing as how you are newly pregnant and I know I went through the very same thing and came out perfectly fine, still with my bf and very much in love. I apologize to him almost weekly about how much of a B*tch I was to him, just outright mean! But he understood, never took it too personally and just gave me my space to adjust to what was going on with me and was very supportive. Just talk to him, hopefully he is understanding. There's no way that you were totally in love and ALL OF A SUDDEN hate your boyfriend, for real. If the relationship was over, you would have already known that before you were pregnant. Good Luck!

KayteeL82 · September 2010

I would say I'm experiencing the exact opposite. I'm more in love with my husband than ever. With that said, I haven't really noticed any mood swings or being hormonal yet, so I guess that could change things!

Right now is NOT the time to be making major life decisions.

NinaBart · November 2010

I actually saw a documentary on the Discovery Channel that surprisingly suggested that we as pregnant women are of course attracted to a mate who we feel will give us strong offspring but then, almost like a one night stand, a woman goes into a nurturing mode and becomes unattracted to their mate so that we can focus on caring for the pregnancy.

When I saw that I thought, how primal. If this pregnancy has taught me anything it's that we truly are more animalistic than we think. As mother's our instincts and hormones all exist for survival and even though we don't need to rely on them as much as we have in the past they exist for a reason. So just take some time for yourself and listen to your body and being annoyed by your boyfriend, you'll have to depend on him a lot later but for now just focus on getting to know and pay attention to what your body is telling you, it will help you the closer you get to your due date.

Good luck!

Nina

CFO · November 2010

Honestly, the whole pregnancy/infant/toddler journey is a roller coaster of emotions and huge changes are happening. Of course you're going to feel overwhelmed, look at your partner through a microscope, and be hard on yourself and your SO. Its totally normal. But ITA w/ PP who mentioned communication. Its key. Especially now. Hold on, cause its a bumpy ride - but one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.

jenerally? · November 2010

I feel like I should mention that actually giving birth to the baby is one of the most strongest, most bonding experiences you can have ... but after the baby comes is one of the most stressful and exhausting times in your life. Many relationships -- very strong relationships -- fall apart after baby arrives. You have to have open communication, you have to be honest about your needs, and you have to be able to be flexible and compromise ... both of you.

GL!

jenerally? · November 2010

also, if you are 11w, then why do your tickers say 18w?

KRISLIEL · November 2010

jenerally?:

also, if you are 11w, then why do your tickers say 18w?

The OP posted this on 9/16/10. She was most likely 11 wks then but the tickers constantly update there fore, it says 18 wks

JeffnSar · November 2010

Ohh My Gooood was I annoyed with my bf in the beginning. Every little thing he did annoyed the crap outta me. His snoring, his laugh, the way he did his hair, put on his shoes, did dinner, etc etc. I even considered breaking up with him.

I am now in my 29th week and I can't get enough of my bf now! He laughs and calls me his puppy dog cause I follow him everywhere. I miss him during the day cause he works 12hrs, so those 4hrs a night I have with him are gold to me now.

We have pretty good open communication, and I told him how I was feeling throughout it all. Even told him I found him unattractive and wanted to break up. He understood, cause he 'read all about that part in the baby books'. Now we are closer than ever.

His snoring still annoys the crap outta me. But I just push or shove him and he stops, Lol

sixthchick · January 2011

I too am feeling this way and im 16 weeks cant figure out if its me or the hormones...

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