Really DH??? (vent)

moonrose2715 · September 2010

I'm so angry but don't want to fight with DH right now and needed to vent.

DH came home from work in a terrible mood tonight. I gave him his space, made dinner, and when he came in from mowing the lawn (yes, he finds it sort of meditative or something), asked if he wanted to tell me why he was in a bad mood (I said it nicer than that). He is over his job. That's basically it. I've told him to send me his resume & job description so I can update it (you know, in all my free time while I work my a$$ off building my milk supply and caring for my 2 month old). He has been saying this for well over a month (and that was nothing new).

Anyhow- then DD gets fussy. Really fussy. She's gassy. Her tummy hurts and she's screaming about it. So I take her out of the room and get her settled down for close to an hour. Then she picks up again. He comes in and takes her from me (I didn't ask him- I was fine). He gets really frustrated and I call him out on it. He then starts going off on how he can't come home to this after work every night. When I say I deal with it all day, he says "so do I"...

First off, BS. You deal with whiney adults, not a screaming baby that you can't help.

Then he starts talking about how on the weekends it doesn't seem so bad that she doesn't get so fussy, and why didn't I email/call the dr to ask about options to help her gas. I say that I do the best I can with everything on my plate right now. I then call the advice line and offer to go to the store to get some Karo syrup, unless he wants to go to get away. He declines and says I can go to "get out"... Yeah, my "me time" has basically included a shower, a trip to the bathroom, and a trip to the store. Yay me.

I thought maybe going to the store I would calm down, but just keep getting more mad. How dare he essentially imply that she is more fussy when she's been with me all day??? (She's not BTW, he just witnesses the escalation instead of walking into it on the weekends)... So basically he called me a bad mom today becase a) she's more fussy with me and b) I didn't call the doctor (for something that I'm sorry is relatively normal in babies and not an emergency or anything).

I have no idea how I am going to deal with this. I feel like if I say anything at all, it will just start a fight. Urgh I am so mad!!!!!!!!!

abeer26 · September 2010

Keep your head up Mama.... I know it seems like he is being a real jerk but he is obviously not happy in his job and then comes home and it isnt like it used to be. I know that my hubby now back at work while I stay home all day with the baby comes home and wants to nap right away! I'm like I want to nap please let me have an hour away from the baby. Today I actually got that nap! My LO was a little fireball all night and I ended up giving her gripe water and like magic she was quiet calm and went down for the night in her crib

.... I am rambling but just want you to know you are not alone and we all are dealing with this new life with a baby and give yourself credit your doing a damn good job and he is going to have learn the ropes too!

UnderAtree · September 2010

I'm in the same boat. Every time DH gets home from work I always ask if he can watch LO so I can get some sleep and I always get the same speech, "I work you don't, so I'm gonna eat then go to sleep. You can sleep when I wake up." Its like gee thanks. My alone time is basically when I have to go to the bathroom. I'm not even alone for my showers, LO is in there with me on his swing.

astroMom · September 2010

any hubby that says the mom doesn't work...she should say she's getting a weekend job, and he can care for the baby all weekend long, since he's "not working" and see how he feels then :P

It's definitely wrong for him to act that way, but maybe you can wait until the weekend to confront him. It sounds like talking after work this week won't really change anything...just escalate

susan1017 · September 2010

I was reading the other 'frustrating DH' posts and I have a theory. Men don't fully understand the SAHM thing. Even if its just for maternity leave there is something in their being that will never truly comprehend it. I've been a SAHM since my DD was born over 4 years ago and I still have these frustrating conversations from time to time. On top of that I think they are a little like an older sibling going through 'baby regression'. It's just like my 4 yo who likes to act like a baby and needs me to wipe her butt again after months of being self-sufficient. Subconsciously I think DHs regress and need to get the last of the little boy 'take care of ME' crap over so they can grow into being great dads. Don't beat too much of the little boy out because he will be a blast when playing with the kids.

This is totally normal new daddy speak and he will get his head out of his ass soon. It can't be easy to be at a job he doesn't like all day and then come home to a life he doesn't recognize. Just be patient and he will come around and be a great dad and DH.

doyalnr · September 2010

susan1017:

I was reading the other 'frustrating DH' posts and I have a theory. Men don't fully understand the SAHM thing. Even if its just for maternity leave there is something in their being that will never truly comprehend it. I've been a SAHM since my DD was born over 4 years ago and I still have these frustrating conversations from time to time. On top of that I think they are a little like an older sibling going through 'baby regression'. It's just like my 4 yo who likes to act like a baby and needs me to wipe her butt again after months of being self-sufficient. Subconsciously I think DHs regress and need to get the last of the little boy 'take care of ME' crap over so they can grow into being great dads. Don't beat too much of the little boy out because he will be a blast when playing with the kids.

This! Men are clueless sometimes. Try to keep your head up, you're doing a great job.

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