How are you dealing with sibling rivalry? — The Bump
Pre-School

How are you dealing with sibling rivalry?

My 3.5 year old DD is often taking toys from our 1 year old, somehitng we are working on.

However, there are a lot of times the baby wants to take something from my toddler, but it is tough to tell my toddler to share all the time.  The baby just wants to grab stuff and make a mess.  I feel like they can barely play together.  Right now we are downstairs while DD plays in her room with her Little People - if I let the baby in her room, the baby would plow through all the little people and make a huge mess, and my toddler would scream hysterically..

I have learned to do a lot up on tables (other than the obvious, like crafts) - things like puzzles or if there is a toy she wants to play with alone like her play computer.

Any suggestions?  It feels one-sided where I tell my toddler to share with the baby, but it is not really like the baby has to share, if that makes sense.

Re: How are you dealing with sibling rivalry?

  • Even though the baby can't understand, I tell her the same things I tell the older one just so he can hear that she get the same rule and boundaries.  Also, my preschooler still loves to touch and play with the baby toys, so we make it clear that if he want to share her things, he will have to share his big boy toys. 

    The age difference makes it tough, but I think as long as things are kept consistent and fair, it'll work itself out.

  • I feel your pain. My youngest is finally getting to the point where he plays with his brother instead of just messing everything up, but it took a while. I know my oldest was always mollified when I said, "No, Clay, Finn is playing with this right now. It's not nice to mess it up. Let's find you something else to do." It went totally over DS#2's head, but I know it made Finn feel like the sharing and not grabbing things was a two-way street.

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  • imagectbride08:

    Even though the baby can't understand, I tell her the same things I tell the older one just so he can hear that she get the same rule and boundaries.  Also, my preschooler still loves to touch and play with the baby toys, so we make it clear that if he want to share her things, he will have to share his big boy toys. 

    The age difference makes it tough, but I think as long as things are kept consistent and fair, it'll work itself out.

    This.  Although I know full well DS can't remotely grasp the concept of sharing and possessive, I still emphasize the same lessons more the appearance to DD.  She understands that I am trying to enforce the same rules with DS as I enforce with her and that helps with her respect and adherence to the basic rules.  We do often encourage her to get out of DS's reach, explaining that he doesn't understand quite yet, and we also sometimes remove DS from the situation. 


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • We are in the same situation.  I'm constantly telling DD #1 (she's 3.5) to share, but as other posters mentioned I will still tell DD #2 (who's 1) to share too.  Then, I will usually re-direct DD #2 with another toy or something similar to what DD #1 is playing with.  That usually gives DD #1 some time to play w/ the toy.  Once I redirect DD #2, she usually forgets about the toy and moves on to something else.  Hope that makes sense :)
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