How to discuss cleft surgery with 4.5 yr old?
rsd12
member
My son's nose/lip revision (cleft) is coming up in 2 1/2 weeks. I have been thinking about how much/little to say to him about his upcoming surgery. He is use to going to the childrens hospital to meet with the craniofacial team & knows the doctors performing the work. But the last surgery he had was when he was 11 months old (so we did not have to say anything).
Not sure how to talk to him about it. The hospital does an excellent job with talking to him the day of about what is going to happen & where he is going to go. But at this age I know a few days ahead of time I need to prepare him a little more.. just at a loss of words right now, & I don't want to scare him (he is very sensitive & aprehensive) - unlike my almost 3 yr old who was so easy to bring in last year for his recirc.
Any words of advice? Thanks!
Re: How to discuss cleft surgery with 4.5 yr old?
how about telling him he needs a little procedure, kind of like pulling out a tooth (that could work if he actually dealt with dentists before) but a little more difficult and that he will be asleep during it and that he should not worry and just trust the doctors. And I'd tell him that you'd be by his side the whole time
I remember my surgery when I was a kid and i remember not being concerned at all beforehand and my mom telling me that she'll be right there with me and it will be over before i know it and they will take me home.And that the surgery will do me good.
he is gonna be just fine. From what you are saying, he sounds like a smart boy who will pick up on his own what he needs to pick up
i wanted to read your post because im having twins and baby b looks like he is going to have cleft lip (possibiliy palate) wont know til delivery date.
but i did have a double hernia and surgery when i was five and i was just told i was going to 'get fixed'. i dont remember being worried or scared because both my parents were there the whole time, when i was put down and when i woke up. I guess i just knew i was safe cause they were with me. i know its a different situation because i was actually in pain and KNEW something wasnt right and i think when i was that age really didnt have the fear of surgery cause i didnt know any better.
Anyways, best of luck to you and im sure whatever you tell him he will do just fine, as long as youre fine.
On a side note i would love to hear your stories with cleft...im very anxious to know the severity and how feedings are going to be (esp with 2) I really want to BF...
Thank you both for your responses! Just a ball of nerves over his surgery!
Mad - Congratulations on your twins! First of all, I think it is awesome that you want to nurse!
It really does depend on the severity. My oldest was born with a unilateral complete cleft lip/palate. Because of the palate he could not nurse (he could not suck). So I pumped & bottle fed with special bottles. So when my 2nd & 3rd were born nursing seemed so easy! The first thing you have to do is set realistic expectation, you don't want to set yourself up for failure. No matter what you are going to be a great mom. I was devestated I could not nurse, so I forced myself to pump & hated every minute of it. But I felt so guilty over my son being born with the birth defect. Once I moved to formula life got so much better for us ; )
Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions.. we have been through a lot with Owen but I would not trade one thing about him! It has been a wonderful journey with him ; )