"plan on spanking" ?

juliane2004 · September 2010

liv97:
Spanking is abuse and teaches your child hitting is ok. In my mind it's never ok.

This.

blushingbrideoct07 · September 2010

liv97:
I have worked cases of children being covered in hot grease with skin burned off, cigarette burns, palms of hands torched with lighters, punched in the face till their eyes are swollen, stomped in the chest, straight razors taken to their skin and broom sticks shoved into their anus. That is child abuse and there is no excuse for it.

This just gave me a mad case of the chills.

alybookgirl · September 2010

I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.

ToledoDeux · September 2010

alybookgirl:
I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.

"Spanking in love" makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. creeeeeeepy.

Mereou12 · September 2010

teeah22:

My two cents:

1) Personally, I believe in never saying never. I think plans can change depending on the situation at hand.

2) I will do what I want to do, you do what you want to do. As long as neither of us are breaking the law, then wtf does it matter? Do you think the person you're judging actually cares what you think?

DH and I will spank if necessary. If it works, great, if it doesn't then we'll find another approach, but it's definitely on the table. I see too many kids that are little disrespectful assholes and I have to wonder if all the nicey-nicey parenting has something to do with it.

I agree 100%.

I don't want to spank my child...but I'm open to the possibility of spanking as a last resort form of discipline in the right situation. And like PP said, if it works, great, if it doesn't, we'll keep searching until we find the right form of discipline for OUR child. Just like the counting down threat ("If you don't stop before I count to three....") works for some kids, it's a massive failure for others.

FWIW, I was rarely spanked...but I was absolutely TERRIFIED of it. I knew that if I acted out severely, I'd be spanked. And for me, it worked.

alybookgirl · September 2010

ToledoDeux:
alybookgirl:
I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.
"Spanking in love" makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. creeeeeeepy.

It's creepy that I love my child so much that I want to correct behavior that could harm her or cause her to grow up to be disrespectful or rude? Weird.

Mereou12 · September 2010

alybookgirl:
I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.

But what if your kid doesn't respond to spanking?

My nephew is spanked ALL the time....and it doesn't phase him in the least. He just smiles and keeps on doing whatever it was that got him spanked in the first place.

alybookgirl · September 2010

Mereou12:
alybookgirl:
I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.
But what if your kid doesn't respond to spanking?
My nephew is spanked ALL the time....and it doesn't phase him in the least. He just smiles and keeps on doing whatever it was that got him spanked in the first place.

I believe consistency is the key. And it may not work, but we'll do the best that we can. DH and I believe that spanking is the most effective form of discipline.

pmarie33 · September 2010

alybookgirl:
I was one to post on the other thread that said I plan on spanking and I most certainly do. DH and I believe that is the most appropriate form of punishment. Honestly, I have never met a child that was so well-behaved and obedient all the time that never needed a spanking. Children need training and as parents, that is our job. They won't always be children. One day, they will grow up and be adults that must know how to handle rejection, correction from a boss, how to deal in relationships, etc. To me, spanking gets the message across much louder and clearer than a timeout or restriction. It says, if you do this, there will be uncomfortable punishment so eventually they won't do that bad behavior anymore. I believe that if you're consistent in disciplining a young child, there won't be much of a need for it when they're teenagers. And spanking in love is not abuse. That is foolishness to think that a loving parent who is correcting their child is abusing them. I was spanked A LOT as a young child. I was never once hit. And I love my parents dearly.

So you've already decided that your baby is going to react the way you want them to after a spanking? Great for you!

Now, can I have the Powerball numbers for Saturday? tia.

mrs.n22 · September 2010

I don't konw why anyone would "spank" or hit their child. Time out works way more effectively. It makes them think about what they did instead of just hitting them,

Singingmama · September 2010

Wow! What an interesting board you ladies have...

We plan on allowing the punishment to fit the crime with our daughter. Right now, while she is young, we are beginning with a firm no and redirecting her behavior. I think I've very lightly popped her on the hand once or twice, but it was more to reinforce the "no" than it was a "spanking." As she gets older, we plan on using time outs (length of time, matching her age) and a light pop on the hand or bottom for inappropriate or dangerous behavior and of course, redirection will also be used with every situation.

Once she is old enough to understand reason, the punishment will fit the crime. If she makes a bad grade in school or doesn't get her homework completed, then she will be grounded from TV or playing outside, etc. until we see her consistently finishing her homework or an improvement in her grades. If the issue is that she's talking back to us, then that would be something that would result in getting a pop on the bottom. However, I'd also talk to her about the more respectful ways that she could've responded to us.

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

mrs.n22 · September 2010

Can I ask why people care if others spank or not? Worry about your own child and let others worry about theirs.

liv97 · September 2010

Singingmama:
Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

Mereou12 · September 2010

liv97:
Singingmama:

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

And we were all interacted with and held at every moment when we were kids?

We come from the playpen generation...My own mother is shocked how infrequently I use the PNP. She can't understand how I get anything done. When my brothers and I were babies (in the 70s/early 80s), we regularly hung out in swings, bouncy seats, and most frequently, playpens. We weren't held or worn all day....

tigergreen · September 2010

mrs.n22:
I don't konw why anyone would "spank" or hit their child. Time out works way more effectively. It makes them think about what they did instead of just hitting them,

So what if time out doesn't work for your LO?

I was given "time out" (although back in my day it was just called "go sit in the corner and think about what you've done) as well as spankings.

Time out did ZIP for me. I'd count the bricks on the wall, or pick at paint in the corner, just whatever until Mom said my time was up, then I'd be right back at it.

However, whenever I heard her rustling around in the kitchen for the paddle, I stopped whatever I was doing immediately.

Was it fear of having my butt hit with a paddle? Maybe so...but it worked. After spankings my mom would explain to me calmly why she had to do that...it wasn't an angry reaction on her part. It was part of my discipline.

Leap08 · September 2010

tigergreen:
there's nothing wrong with having a discussion on how you plan to discipline your child...in fact, it's smart, imho.
you can't just fly by the seat of your pants & hope that what you decide to do in the moment works, because then there will be zero consistency.
if you decide to spank in certain situations, so be it.
if you don't, so be it.
my personal opinion since the board seems to be in this "to spank or not to spank" discussion today is this, and be warned, it's an old school one:
I was spanked, every child I know was spanked. To me, it seems like there are WAY more disciplinary problems now than there were when spanking was an acceptable form of punishment, both at home and in schools.
Obviously I'm not advocating turning your 11 month old over your knee for "bad" behavior. But a smack on the hand when they're doing something that could put them in danger? I have no problem with that.
A smack for grabbing the remote or something that's ultimately harmless for them? For me, personally, no....that's a redirect.

Well, I was never spanked as a kid. I'm 35 and can remember some kids being paddled at school. It never really seemed to change their behavior though. I know some of my childhood friends were spanked at home, and, quite frankly, I had a much better relationship with my parents as a teenager than they did. I respected my parents and I feared disappointing them above all else. My parents talked to us about our inappropriate behavior and corrected it. My parents were really big on family activities and family dinners. They spent lots of time with us and showed interest in our activities. I think it was all of those things that made us "good kids". I also think it's what made them great parents. I really hope to be just like them.

ToledoDeux · September 2010

Mereou12:
liv97:
Singingmama:

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

And we were all interacted with and held at every moment when we were kids?

We come from the playpen generation...My own mother is shocked how infrequently I use the PNP. She can't understand how I get anything done. When my brothers and I were babies (in the 70s/early 80s), we regularly hung out in swings, bouncy seats, and most frequently, playpens. We weren't held or worn all day....

Well, this explains the rise in terrorism. lol.

mrs.n22 · September 2010

tigergreen:

mrs.n22:
I don't konw why anyone would "spank" or hit their child. Time out works way more effectively. It makes them think about what they did instead of just hitting them,

So what if time out doesn't work for your LO?

I was given "time out" (although back in my day it was just called "go sit in the corner and think about what you've done) as well as spankings.

Time out did ZIP for me. I'd count the bricks on the wall, or pick at paint in the corner, just whatever until Mom said my time was up, then I'd be right back at it.

However, whenever I heard her rustling around in the kitchen for the paddle, I stopped whatever I was doing immediately.

Was it fear of having my butt hit with a paddle? Maybe so...but it worked. After spankings my mom would explain to me calmly why she had to do that...it wasn't an angry reaction on her part. It was part of my discipline.

At the end of the time out, they tell you what they did wrong and why they are sorry. The don't just "sit there" I was never hit, and I was terrified of my parents. It's how you raise your kids, not how you "punish" them that matters.

hmd · September 2010

lilbit923:

However, I have worked cases of children being covered in hot grease with skin burned off, cigarette burns, palms of hands torched with lighters, punched in the face till their eyes are swollen, stomped in the chest, straight razors taken to their skin and broom sticks shoved into their anus. That is child abuse and there is no excuse for it.

This makes me so sick and sad.

bim38106 · September 2010

mrs.n22:
I don't konw why anyone would "spank" or hit their child. Time out works way more effectively. It makes them think about what they did instead of just hitting them,

this made me giggle a little Big Smile ...only because time-outs do not work at all for my DD1. Seriously! We don't spank either (though I'm not against it when done correctly and not out of anger) but we've had to find different ways of disciplining.

DD's preschool actually doesn't do time-outs because they consider it a form of "abuse". To each their own

bim38106 · September 2010

blushingbrideoct07:

liv97:
I have worked cases of children being covered in hot grease with skin burned off, cigarette burns, palms of hands torched with lighters, punched in the face till their eyes are swollen, stomped in the chest, straight razors taken to their skin and broom sticks shoved into their anus. That is child abuse and there is no excuse for it.
This just gave me a mad case of the chills.

That made me cry. It absolutely breaks my heart... I don't understand how people can do that to a child. My aunt is a case worker in Europe and they adopted a child who was abused as a baby. I've only heard bits and pieces of what happened to him and it's just horrible and gives me nightmares to think about it... I hate when people say spanking is child abuse. They may not agree with it, and I'm sure that *some* spanking could be..but to generalize like that is not ok and offensive to others.

tigergreen · September 2010

mrs.n22:
tigergreen:

mrs.n22:
I don't konw why anyone would "spank" or hit their child. Time out works way more effectively. It makes them think about what they did instead of just hitting them,

So what if time out doesn't work for your LO?

I was given "time out" (although back in my day it was just called "go sit in the corner and think about what you've done) as well as spankings.

Time out did ZIP for me. I'd count the bricks on the wall, or pick at paint in the corner, just whatever until Mom said my time was up, then I'd be right back at it.

However, whenever I heard her rustling around in the kitchen for the paddle, I stopped whatever I was doing immediately.

Was it fear of having my butt hit with a paddle? Maybe so...but it worked. After spankings my mom would explain to me calmly why she had to do that...it wasn't an angry reaction on her part. It was part of my discipline.

At the end of the time out, they tell you what they did wrong and why they are sorry. The don't just "sit there" I was never hit, and I was terrified of my parents. It's how you raise your kids, not how you "punish" them that matters.

I agree with the "it's how you raise your kids; not how you punish them that matters" part...that includes whether you spank, or not.

However, getting them to tell you what they did & why they're sorry doesn't mean they're learning anything...I knew EXACTLY what the right things to say were, and I said them. But then I went right back to doing what I was doing.

Again, it works for some kids. It didn't for me, but spanking did. So be it.

tigergreen · September 2010

bim38106:
DD's preschool actually doesn't do time-outs because they consider it a form of "abuse". To each their own

whaaaaaa?

what do they do for discipline?

liv97 · September 2010

Mereou12:
liv97:
Singingmama:

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

And we were all interacted with and held at every moment when we were kids?

We come from the playpen generation...My own mother is shocked how infrequently I use the PNP. She can't understand how I get anything done. When my brothers and I were babies (in the 70s/early 80s), we regularly hung out in swings, bouncy seats, and most frequently, playpens. We weren't held or worn all day....

you're right, we are the playpen generation - and look how awesome we've turned out. we're fat, sick, and flabby and get in debt to satisfy our spending habits. (clearly obesity, etc. is caused by a lot more than not being held, i know that, just exaggerating to make a point)

bim38106 · September 2010

tigergreen:
bim38106:
DD's preschool actually doesn't do time-outs because they consider it a form of "abuse". To each their own
whaaaaaa?
what do they do for discipline?

mainly redirect, unless it becomes a problem.

I guess they see it as shaming the child in front of their peers..which I know is a little different in a school situation vs. home. I kinda reacted the same way when I read that though: whaaaaa??? But it kind of makes sense. I don't agree, but it goes to show how different minds work...right? The preschool is actually in a university and used for studies and such. So who knows, maybe 10 years from know time-outs will be almost as taboo as spanking

mrs.n22 · September 2010

liv97:
Mereou12:
liv97:
Singingmama:

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

And we were all interacted with and held at every moment when we were kids?

We come from the playpen generation...My own mother is shocked how infrequently I use the PNP. She can't understand how I get anything done. When my brothers and I were babies (in the 70s/early 80s), we regularly hung out in swings, bouncy seats, and most frequently, playpens. We weren't held or worn all day....

you're right, we are the playpen generation - and look how awesome we've turned out. we're fat, sick, and flabby and get in debt to satisfy our spending habits. (clearly obesity, etc. is caused by a lot more than not being held, i know that, just exaggerating to make a point)

Actually I am none of those, you shouldn't generalize.

tigergreen · September 2010

bim38106:
So who knows, maybe 10 years from know time-outs will be almost as taboo as spanking

so true...our kids may be told to spank their kids. you just never know.

liv97 · September 2010

mrs.n22:
liv97:
Mereou12:
liv97:
Singingmama:

Children should be treated with respect, equality and fairness. It's also extremely important to pay attention to them and to be consistent. The issue with a lot of children today is that they aren't give enough attention and many parents are extremely inconsistent with their discipline.

I totally agree with this. Slightly off-topic, I think many problems (ADD, obesity, etc.) in kids are caused in large part by parents not paying attention to them. We plop them in strollers, in front of tv, in bouncers, car seats, and swings, and basically do everything we can to avoid spending quality time with them.

In my opinion, if there were more holding of babies, there would be less need to even be discussing spanking.

And we were all interacted with and held at every moment when we were kids?

We come from the playpen generation...My own mother is shocked how infrequently I use the PNP. She can't understand how I get anything done. When my brothers and I were babies (in the 70s/early 80s), we regularly hung out in swings, bouncy seats, and most frequently, playpens. We weren't held or worn all day....

you're right, we are the playpen generation - and look how awesome we've turned out. we're fat, sick, and flabby and get in debt to satisfy our spending habits. (clearly obesity, etc. is caused by a lot more than not being held, i know that, just exaggerating to make a point)

Actually I am none of those, you shouldn't generalize.

uh, i wasn't insulting you at all or implying anything about you. but as a culture we are all those things.

blublusher · September 2010

Ivana.Stolichnaya:

I could never spank my child. I may be inexperienced with raising kids (DD's my first) but I can tell you one thing...hitting her in any shape or form will NOT happen in my household.

Spanking is a cop-out and shows lack of parenting skills. Flame away, I don't care, what are you going to do....spank me?

...i love you...

blublusher · September 2010

im late but i have to share a story...

My BIL has a friend that did spank or whatever you want to call this. He was going to do an old fashion spanking with the belt. somehow the belt buckle hit the boy in the face. Directly in the eye. it damaged his eye so badly they couldn't save it and the poor boy lost his eye...

MSUMamaof2 · September 2010

I think it's ironic that most of the people who are speaking out against spanking in this thread don't have kids over the age of one. I'm not flaming you, but I remember being as blissfully naive as you. Now I have a toddler. He doesn't respond to anything BUT spanking. Time outs don't work. He'll actually REQUEST a time out when he's done something wrong and then go right back to said previous behavior.

I agree with Teeah. Never say never, and certainly don't tell a parent that they have a lack of "parenting skills" before you've been in that position yourself. That's obnoxious.

Regardless of what method of discipline you choose to use, however, please remember to never discipline in anger. Keep your cool. That is the best thing you can do for your child. The toddler stage (when you'll be putting your chose disciplinary methods into practice) is tough. Just stay calm.

tigergreen · September 2010

MSUMamaof2:
Regardless of what method of discipline you choose to use, however, please remember to never discipline in anger. Keep your cool. That is the best thing you can do for your child.

absolutely, totally agree.

the PP that mentioned the kid getting hurt with the belt/belt buckle is way over the line...I dare say those of us who are talking about possibly spanking aren't talking about that.

my parents also made me go pull switches in the back yard...I don't plan on doing that with DS.

monkeyqueen · September 2010

I'm so ridiculously late to this thread, but here goes:

We have spanked (have is past tense) - Olivia is a ----ahem---- willful child. She's a good kid and sweet, but she's crazy busy and has her own ideas (which I love). We've used spanking as discipline with her, but it did nothing. She'd actually stick her butt out and say spank me. Also, she learned nothing of dealing with frustrations. The worst part is, if Natalie does or doesn't do something Olivia wants her to do, she's hit her. Not acceptable. I should have known better, I've taught kindergarten and managed the classroom effectively! I'm incredibly ashamed that we've ever resorted to that type of lazy parenting punishment (and really, that's what it is - there are more effective discipline out there...oh and spanking does not equal discipline, it's a punishment. Discipline is teaching.)

What we're using right now is this: tons of positive reinforcement, redirection, loss of privileges, prevention (like really - why set a child up to fail, just so they can be punished?), time-outs, etc. It's working so much better. Yes, it's more work - but much more effective and our relationship is so much better, as well.

To the people saying that lack of spanking is one of the reasons children are wild/disrepectful/etc., that's complete BS! Inconsistent/inattentive parenting gives rise to those behaviors - not the lack of spanking. That's ridiculous.

I think it's would probably be a good idea to read a bit about child developement and appropriate discipline per age, before making decisions about discipline.

eta: holy crap! Sorry about the grammar/spelling......I'm not fixing it, though. I'm tired.

tigergreen · September 2010

monkeyqueen:
I'm so ridiculously late to this thread, but here goes:

We have spanked (have is past tense) - Olivia is a ----ahem---- willful child.   She's a good kid and sweet, but she's crazy busy and has her own ideas (which I love).   We've used spanking as discipline with her, but it did nothing.    She'd actually stick her butt out and say spank me.   Also, she learned nothing of dealing with frustrations. The worst part is, if Natalie does or doesn't do something Olivia wants her to do, she's hit her. Not acceptable.    I should have known better, I've taught kindergarten and managed the classroom effectively! I'm incredibly ashamed that we've ever resorted to that type of lazy parenting punishment (and really, that's what it is - there are more effective discipline out there...oh and spanking does not equal discipline, it's a punishment.   Discipline is teaching.)

What we're using right now is this: tons of positive reinforcement, redirection, loss of privileges, prevention (like really - why set a child up to fail, just so they can be punished?), time-outs, etc.   It's working so much better. Yes, it's more work - but much more effective and our relationship is so much better, as well.

To the people saying that lack of spanking is one of the reasons children are wild/disrepectful/etc., that's complete BS!    Inconsistent/inattentive parenting gives rise to those behaviors - not the lack of spanking.  That's ridiculous.

I think it's would probably be a good idea to read a bit about child developement and appropriate discipline per age, before making decisions about discipline.

eta: holy crap!   Sorry about the grammar/spelling......I'm not fixing it, though. I'm tired.

okay. i was going to be done with this discussion, but this is just so off base i have to respond.

spanking didn't work for your child. that's totally fine...you do what works. if it works for someone else's, then you shouldn't assume that what they are doing is lazy, or ineffective. it was ineffective for YOU, period.

no book is going to know more about your child's development than you. you know what works for him/her. timeout didn't work for me as a child; spanking did, and my parents made sure to talk to me afterwards to reiterate why i got the spanking.

it was not a lazy action on their part...if anything it took a LOT more strength to do it in the way they did it than to tell me to to go timeout for 5 minutes.

as for spanking not equaling discipline....spanking is a punishment, just as timeout is punishment. actions have consequences, and through those consequences & experiences you learn....that's right; DISCIPLINE.

::rant over::

monkeyqueen · September 2010

tigergreen:

okay. i was going to be done with this discussion, but this is just so off base i have to respond.

spanking didn't work for your child. that's totally fine...you do what works. if it works for someone else's, then you shouldn't assume that what they are doing is lazy, or ineffective. it was ineffective for YOU, period. It was plenty effective at the time, but it just snowballed into her thinking that's what she can do, too. It's one of those things that no one can really know how/what they are learning from it. But, whatever, to each their own. I was just giving an example of what it could teach a child and it's something that won't be realized until after the fact.

no book is going to know more about your child's development than you. you know what works for him/her. timeout didn't work for me as a child; spanking did, and my parents made sure to talk to me afterwards to reiterate why i got the spanking. Right. Parents know their children best, but I think it's hard to deny that knowing about age appropriate discipline isn't a bad idea. It also doesn't hurt to have a bunch of ideas of different types of discipline.

it was not a lazy action on their part...if anything it took a LOT more strength to do it in the way they did it than to tell me to to go timeout for 5 minutes. I wasn't there with your parents, but the way I did it was certainly lazy. I guess I can only speak for myself - and spanking was lazy for us. Taking the time to actually teach her appropriate behavior instead looking for the instant compliance spanking gives/gave, is doing so much more for her and is actually transferring into her play/daily life.

as for spanking not equaling discipline....spanking is a punishment, just as timeout is punishment. actions have consequences, and through those consequences & experiences you learn....that's right; DISCIPLINE. discipline is not just about consequences. So, I suppose spanking could be part of a discipline technique... I retract that statement:)

::rant over::

So...sorry I offended you. I just can not get over the fact that I resorted to spanking, when I have so many other techniques at my disposal.... I just did not realize and make the connection that techniques I use in the classroom are easily transferable to our home life. I just get annoyed when people say that because parents are not spanking as much it is resulting in disrepectful children.....eta: I mentioned in the other post that spanking did nothing..... It would have immediate effect on Olivia, but nothing long term...I'm not looking for a discipline method that doesn't transfer day to day with her. My Mom spanked us and I'm pretty sure she only spanked me once (my siblings, not so much).

[/qoute]

tigergreen · September 2010

no worries, monkeyqueen...

I just hate it when people who decide not to spank seem to look down on those who do, when both are effective forms of discipline when implemented the right way (i.e., discussing what they did wrong, along with the punishment).

monkeyqueen · September 2010

tigergreen:

no worries, monkeyqueen...

I just hate it when people who decide not to spank seem to look down on those who do, when both are effective forms of discipline when implemented the right way (i.e., discussing what they did wrong, along with the punishment).

No doubt! Just like I get annoyed when people think that not spanking is an ineffective form ;p

I think it's important no matter what parents do to be consistent and watch their kids closely to see how their daily play/interactions with others changes/not changes and adjust accordingly. My brain was mush last night and that was the point I was trying to get accross. I don't sleep much anymore. LOL:) yummy coffee.

nealbl · September 2010

juliane2004:

liv97:
Spanking is abuse and teaches your child hitting is ok. In my mind it's never ok.

This.

I see why people feel that way but it is not 100% true. I was spanked as a child and I never thought b/c I was spanked that meant I could hit other people. I was not an agerssive kid and I have never been in a fight. I obeyed my parents who and I was respectful to adults. If I got out of line they used many different forms of punishment i.e. timeouts extra chores etc... and if those didn't work I got a swat on the butt. I hate it when people make these comments b/c I feel like you are saying my parents were abusive and they were not. I cannot even put into words how wonderful they are and I am thankful for how they raised me.

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