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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
pmarie33
member
"plan on spanking" ?
pmarie33
member
What's this all about?
You've already discussed that spanking will be part of discipline?
This makes me sad.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "plan on spanking" ?
oh brother.
look at the birds | bless this food
I'm not totally anti spanking, but I can't say I ever plan on doing it. IMO its one thing to say you aren't against it and another to say you're for sure going to do it.
I'll be perfectly honest and say that I don't necessarily think you can ever plan how you'll discipline your child either. Its good to be on the same page with your SO about what strategies you might use, but every kid is different and will respond to different approaches.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
this.
When someone says they "plan to spank," I understand it to mean that they have discussed it with their husband & they are both on the same page as to how they prefer to discipline.
I agree with this. What's wrong with having discussions about discipline? That doesn't mean you won't adapt as you learn your child's personality, but it's important to have those conversations and be on the same page with DH before you're in the moment, I think.
We don't plan on spanking, and have already had that conversation.
I know some people believe in spanking and plan to do it when their child is old enough. I do think it's something that should be brought up prior to having children. You should be discussing your discipline plans with your spouse to make sure you're on the same page.
While I don't agree with it, it is their child and they can do what they want. Sad, but true.
I could never spank my child. I may be inexperienced with raising kids (DD's my first) but I can tell you one thing...hitting her in any shape or form will NOT happen in my household.
Spanking is a cop-out and shows lack of parenting skills. Flame away, I don't care, what are you going to do....spank me?
there's nothing wrong with having a discussion on how you plan to discipline your child...in fact, it's smart, imho.
you can't just fly by the seat of your pants & hope that what you decide to do in the moment works, because then there will be zero consistency.
if you decide to spank in certain situations, so be it.
if you don't, so be it.
my personal opinion since the board seems to be in this "to spank or not to spank" discussion today is this, and be warned, it's an old school one:
I was spanked, every child I know was spanked. To me, it seems like there are WAY more disciplinary problems now than there were when spanking was an acceptable form of punishment, both at home and in schools.
Obviously I'm not advocating turning your 11 month old over your knee for "bad" behavior. But a smack on the hand when they're doing something that could put them in danger? I have no problem with that.
A smack for grabbing the remote or something that's ultimately harmless for them? For me, personally, no....that's a redirect.
Thank you.
This is what I was asking. I guess it's never crossed my mind that we need to plan on how we deal with unwanted behavior. We just go with the flow. Since everyone is different and redirection works for us, that's how we roll.
People can do what they want, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to judge them. I totally judge people who CIO or spank, and don't feel bad about it at all.
yep
The huz & I have talked about it a lot & honestly, it changes. So I think it's important that we keep talking so that we're on the same page.
It's funny that this is brought up today because just the other night, we were talking about it. & how our perception of spanking has changed now that we are moving into the need for discipline.
This!
You can judge all you want. I, personally, don't think spanking works at all. There are more effective ways to discipline a child.
As for CIO, it was my last resort, I didn't do it until 6 months, and it worked for us. Before CIO, she wouldn't sleep anywhere but in bed with me or in her swing. If I'm going to be judged for that, then whatev.
I've never hit anyone in my life, and I was spanked. Spanking does NOT teach your child hitting is okay. Spanking "teaches" them there are consequences they don't like to misbehaving with mom & dad. Nothing more.
Spanking, even for those who choose to do it, is not the answer to every disciplinary action. Those who choose to are not walking around smacking their kid for everything they do.
I think spanking is a part of it, but the change in behavior is more about a shift in the overall ideas about childrearing. I've said it before, I'm not anti spanking. I've popped my older DD on the butt before (not often, but its happened). I think you can be old school about discipline and still understand the basics of child development.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
It has to be a mutual decision between both parents- if parents are not on the same page it confuses the child.
DH and I both came from spanking families- now that being said I can only remember a few times that I was spanked by my parents and it was in an extreme case and I can tell you I learned and I never did that again. I can remember the paddle with the holes in it handing on the wall in the office at school- I was terrified of that thing- I was on my best behavior at school and never once did I have to meet that paddle.
DH and I plan on spanking if it's needed- is that going to be our first line punishment- no way. We will do time outs and other techniques.
I'm sorry but I have met several kids that are completely out of control are completely not listening to their parents- and their parents (who do not believe in spanking for whatever reason) just laugh and think its cute, oh look at my kid whos completely out of control. I am so sick of parents who want to be the child's friend, you are their parent- act like it. I will not spank to the point of abuse or bruises or anything like that, but a swat on the behind is not going to kill the child, it's going to teach them there are consequences to your actions.
All this being said, what other parents do is completley up to them, but I don't have to agree with it.
I agree that it's the overall ideas of childrearing.....but that all kind of ties in together, imho.
Over the past generation or two there has been a shift into this 'kindler, gentler' parenting. That includes discipline, respect for authority figures, etc, etc. Too many people want their kids to like them, and that's not going to cut it.
I'm not saying if you decide not to spank you're being too soft. I think you can absolutely raise a great, well-adjusted child if you don't spank. But if you choose to spank, you're not turning your child into a bully or unproductive member of society, either.
Meh, I was spanked with a belt several times and popped in the mouth a couple times.
I still mouthed off to my mom and was a little shiit as a kid. The spanking didn't phase me one bit.
ABSOLUTELY!!! Children now days are completely out of control. Just look around! I almost got run over shopping the other day, but some teeny bopper that was RUNNING around the mall- that kid is lucky he did not knock over DD's stroller while she was in it- or there would have been HE*L to pay! Where are these kids parents!!??
This board feels much more mature today! Ha! Everyone discussing and not going ballistic when their opinion isn't the same as others! I like it!
My 2 cents..
I agree with some of the PPer's. Spanking for sure is something a couple should talk about...same as how many kids you want and if you will use a paci or not!
But totally agree about the idea changing as the baby gets older! Plus every child is different! A timeout could work on one child while a light spank would work on another.
We have said we won't spank (I was not spanked but my sister sure was-again a perfect example of different kids needing different things)...
It works for some kids and not others. DH and I have had the discussion and are open to it depending on the situation but it is not our "cure-all" for every situation.
Having worked child abuse cases, I've not seen one case, that held up in court, of child abuse come across my desk for a child getting a spanking. Not one. I think people are often misinformed of what child abuse is. A spanking isn't child abuse.
However, I have worked cases of children being covered in hot grease with skin burned off, cigarette burns, palms of hands torched with lighters, punched in the face till their eyes are swollen, stomped in the chest, straight razors taken to their skin and broom sticks shoved into their anus. That is child abuse and there is no excuse for it.
Prime example of spanking not working for every child.
Exactly. That's what I was trying to point out.
For some kids, it put the fear of god into them. Me? I laughed when my mom spanked me.
I was shopping and a 13ish year old punk ass run into me...Looked at me and told me to MOVE! I just about DIED! I wanted to drag that kids back to their parent by his nasty pierced and stretched ear! Whats wrong with kids these days?
I wouldn't say I plan to spank however DH and I have discussed as LO gets older how we will handle discpline together and, as a last resort, we may do a swat on the bottom if we feel it is needed. I totally understand why some are against it but I was spanked, not often, and I think my parents were amazing and still are and I in no way feel like I was abused.
We don't believe in spanking, but why on earth would it make you sad that two people with a child had discussed the ways they plan to discipline said child? That's responsible parenting, IMO.
Whether or not you agree with that decision is an entirely different thing. It makes me sad that so many posters on this board use CIO, but again, it's a parenting decision, not a crime.
And i agree. But for us i cant say we wont entertain the idea if we have tried everything else.
I'm surprised you didn't jerk his a*s down to the ground. Told you to move? Oh hell no.
I agree with all of this! Remember all of the things we said we wouldn't do during pregnancy that we do now? I think it works the same way. I don't PLAN to spank...I can count on one hand how many times I was spank, but that doesn't mean I won't.
I'm guessing you didn't see my response earlier in the thread.
My two cents:
1) Personally, I believe in never saying never. I think plans can change depending on the situation at hand.
2) I will do what I want to do, you do what you want to do. As long as neither of us are breaking the law, then wtf does it matter? Do you think the person you're judging actually cares what you think?
DH and I will spank if necessary. If it works, great, if it doesn't then we'll find another approach, but it's definitely on the table. I see too many kids that are little disrespectful assholes and I have to wonder if all the nicey-nicey parenting has something to do with it.
well said.
This is exactly the same for me. Honestly, getting spanked only made me angrier. But a time out? That would totally have worked, because I have never had an attention span and I hate being by myself!
I also think that if you are going to spank, it's really important how you do it. If you get angry and lash out, then I think it does teach kids that hitting is an effective way of dealing with your anger (same with screaming at your kids, really). I also think it can teach them to behave out of fear, rather than out of a sense of what's right and wrong. It's important to keep your cool, whatever discipline method you decide. Easier said than done though!
Ditto this. I think the whole "anti-spanking" movement has made many kids very poorly behaved. I'm not saying that I will necessarily spank my kids, but if other options of discipline have been exhausted, it is effective for my child, and the unwanted behavior warrants it, I will definitely spank and my DH is on board as well.
So true. And it goes to show that not one form of discipline universally works for every kid. Some kids respond to time outs. Some don't. If I have to choose between having a kid that's a terror and spanking, I'll spank.