To distract me: 3rd tri drama

Quazel · September 2010

The "useless carrier" poster referenced down below just posted this gem:

BB8785:
OMG.

Yea start taking those bets cause I'm sure I will never use it. I will return it, if they won't take it back, then I'll donate to some place like Goodwill or regift it to someone who might actually USE it.

I said it was useless to me because I've never wanted to use one.

I'm not going to get my son used to being held all the time if that's the only way he will stop crying.

So get over it that y'all think i'm being some ungrateful bitchh because I happened to complain about we received that I find very useless to me because I don't want it or didn't register for it.

beccer · September 2010

Haha. I was just about to post the quote: "I'm not going to get my son used to being held all the time if that's the only way he will stop crying."
You wouldn't want to get into the habit of comforting a crying child. God forbid.

Mrs.B6302007 · September 2010

she's going to get blessed with a crier ;-)

kwinters87 · September 2010

Yup she'll be one of the ones getting flammed for crying about how her baby has been screaming for hours and just wont stop, but she wont pick him up...

BelhurstBride · September 2010

I wonder why some people have children...

p&rmetz · September 2010

BelhurstBride:
I wonder why some people have children...

This exactly! Yikes!!

Another Jennifer · September 2010

BelhurstBride:
I wonder why some people have children...

Apology up front because I know you don't mean this but I really hate it when it's suggested that a mom who ever has a selfish thought in her heard shouldn't have children.

People have children for many reasons. If people only had kids for unselfish reasons the species probably wouldn't have continued.

I have a real issue with the idea that mothers are supposedly to be completely non-selfish. First, that's not even possible. Humans being are naturally selfish, some moreso than others. Second, having a child doesn't mean that you cease to exist as a person. I think that many of us do things that look like they are unselfish with regards to our children for inherently selfish reasons. For example, many charitable acts have a selfish component. You give to a charity and you get a tax write-off and get to feel good about yourself.

This set moms up for failure because it perpetuates an unrealistic ideal.

And as for the woman on the 3rd Tri boards, she didn't say that she would never pick up her baby. Just that she didn't want her baby to get used to always being carried. That's a perfectly reasonable mainstream idea.

Quazel · September 2010

Another Jennifer:
BelhurstBride:
I wonder why some people have children...
Apology up front because I know you don't mean this but I really hate it when it's suggested that a mom who ever has a selfish thought in her heard shouldn't have children.
People have children for many reasons. If people only had kids for unselfish reasons the species probably wouldn't have continued.
I have a real issue with the idea that mothers are supposedly to be completely non-selfish. First, that's not even possible. Humans being are naturally selfish, some moreso than others. Second, having a child doesn't mean that you cease to exist as a person. I think that many of us do things that look like they are unselfish with regards to our children for inherently selfish reasons. For example, many charitable acts have a selfish component. You give to a charity and you get a tax write-off and get to feel good about yourself.
This set moms up for failure because it perpetuates an unrealistic ideal.
And as for the woman on the 3rd Tri boards, she didn't say that she would never pick up her baby. Just that she didn't want her baby to get used to always being carried. That's a perfectly reasonable mainstream idea.

The person you quoted was not implying we can't be selfish but a newborn needs constant, hands on attention and if you aren't willing to give it, one could certainly question why you had a baby. Or a pet, or a busy job, anything you choose to do that requires you to give of yourself.

I am not trying to flame you at all, I just see some inaccuracies in your post. The OP I quoted said "I'm not going to get my son used to being held all the time if that's the only way he will stop crying." It had nothing to do with always being carried and everything to do with soothing as needed. I agree with what you are saying about a mainstream idea with carrying but that isn't what the OP said, her quote was directed at a crying baby.

BelhurstBride · September 2010

I completely agree that mothers have a right to be selfish, it's all part of finding that balance. The OP stated that she doesn't want to get her child to get used to being carried all the time if that's the only way he'll stop crying. To me, and I understand it may be an unpopular opinion, that's not about being selfish or not. That's about meeting a newborn's needs. Sometimes that need is to be held.

gdemars · September 2010

Mrs.B6302007:

she's going to get blessed with a crier ;-)

lol

Another Jennifer · September 2010

Quazel:
The person you quoted was not implying we can't be selfish but a newborn needs constant, hands on attention and if you aren't willing to give it, one could certainly question why you had a baby. Or a pet, or a busy job, anything you choose to do that requires you to give of yourself.

I don't agree. First, having a baby isn't necessarily a choice. The majority of women throughout history haven't been able to choose whether or not to have babies.

Quazel · September 2010

Another Jennifer:
Quazel:
The person you quoted was not implying we can't be selfish but a newborn needs constant, hands on attention and if you aren't willing to give it, one could certainly question why you had a baby. Or a pet, or a busy job, anything you choose to do that requires you to give of yourself.
I don't agree. First, having a baby isn't necessarily a choice. The majority of women throughout history haven't been able to choose whether or not to have babies.

I agree it hasn't always been a choice but in this day and age in our society, it is a choice. Maybe not an easy choice but a choice.

lisa5201 · September 2010

Quazel:
Another Jennifer:
Quazel:
The person you quoted was not implying we can't be selfish but a newborn needs constant, hands on attention and if you aren't willing to give it, one could certainly question why you had a baby. Or a pet, or a busy job, anything you choose to do that requires you to give of yourself.
I don't agree. First, having a baby isn't necessarily a choice. The majority of women throughout history haven't been able to choose whether or not to have babies.

I agree it hasn't always been a choice but in this day and age in our society, it is a choice. Maybe not an easy choice but a choice.

No Sex = No Baby.

Having sex is choosing the possibility of a pregnancy. Rape victims being the exception, every pregnant woman is pregnant because they CHOOSE to have sex. If sex works correctly pregnancy results, thats it's function. "Accidental" pregnancies get no sympathy from me, sorry to say

I think the 3rd tri lady is in for quite a surprise. You can't dictate what is going to soothe your baby. If she gets a baby that wants to be held frequently, then I hope she does what's right for the child. Although it sounds like she's setting herself up for a battle of wills with a newborn. Fail.

dmogmo · September 2010

BelhurstBride:
I completely agree that mothers have a right to be selfish, it's all part of finding that balance. The OP stated that she doesn't want to get her child to get used to being carried all the time if that's the only way he'll stop crying. To me, and I understand it may be an unpopular opinion, that's not about being selfish or not. That's about meeting a newborn's needs. Sometimes that need is to be held.

I agree that if that's the only way the baby will be soothed then she should use it - BUT... the baby's not been born yet, correct? I think most of us have learned a thing or two from the time we've been pregnant to whatever stage our respective LO's happen to be at now.

Having said that, I do think the OP of that thread sounds like an immature brat that's in for some major surprises when baby shows up.

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