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Toddlers: 24 Months+
REALLY depressed and feel like a failure!
My daughter is 3. She is quite charming, very intelligent and just adorable when she wants to be however....she is taking over our lives with her tantrums and behavior! She is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH! Demands junk all day, whines and says no all the time, blood curdling screams (the someone is killing me type of scream).she gets on the floor for no reason and starts kicking her feet and whining EEEEHHHH EEEEEHHHHHHH. Then says sorry mommy. So i say ok honey i forgive you and with that she starts screaming "Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry" each one getting louder and louder. We have tried timeouts with a kitchen timer for 3 mins, 1-2-3 magic etc... Ive read countless of books. Most of them saying you need to talk to your child at their physical level but when i kneel down to talk softly to her about what she did she just yells over me! If she should fall or get hurt she freaks out and wont let us touch her to see what happened...then its turns into bad behavior when we are supposed to be concentrating on whatever injury she might have. We tell her we love her constantly. We shower her with attention. We dont believe in yelling or hitting etc.... I know, dont i sound frustrated? My husband says its our fault cause we are responsible for everything she does. This is true so therefore i am a failure! Please help!
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Re: REALLY depressed and feel like a failure!
I really wish I had some advice for you... I mean, some of what you're describing is *I think* normal behavior for that age? I know our pedi said to leave the room (if possible) during tantrums b/c a successful tantrum requires an audience. You say you "shower her with attention" - is it possible she's a little spoiled at this point? Not trying to be rude... I know I get better results from my toddler when I ignore his bad behavior. The more attention I give him when he's behaving badly, the worse he gets. Good luck and I hope someone else has some good advice for you!
ETA: Don't feel like a failure. To some degree, we're all "flying blind" and just doing the best we can. I try to focus on the good more than the bad b/c every age is going to have it's own challenges!
You can't take responsibility for all her "bad" behavior, just like you can't take credit for all her good traits. You're not a failure! You're just having a hard time finding a good parenting technique for this that works with her personality and yours. Some kids are just more challenging than others, or finding that magical touch is really hard.
I'm still parenting a just-turned-2-year-old, so I don't think I have specific ideas that will necessarily transfer to an older toddler. For my DS right now, it's all about avoiding the tantrum in the first place and finding different ways to respond to the things he wants. Most of the time, he can be distracted by other suggestions and choices, like when he demands to go outside before dinner, I tell him "We need to eat dinner before we can go outside, so let's get ready for dinner fast! What do you want to eat first, a banana or some cheese? Do you want to go pick out your cup or do you want momma to pick one?" That kind of thing.
Things get a lot worse with DS when he isn't eating regular snacks and enough protein (or is eating too much sugar), if he's tired, if DH or I are stressed or gone more often, or if he's going through another change like transitioning to another class at daycare. At those times, he has one tantrum after another, but isn't happy even when he gets what he was originally asking for - he just finds something else to throw a fit about.
You are a not a failure! Do not believe that for one second.
IMO you cannot spoil a child by giving them attention. If you buy your DS a toy or snack every time you go to the store, that is another story. DS is still in his early 2's and does do some testing, but can still be redirected and distracted. Although...the older he gets the more determined he will be.
I guess my best advice is to remember that often times these type of things are a phase and find the positive. Your LO is trying to find the boundaries and is determined, that is not all negative! Before you know it you will be onto the next phase of childhood.
Ohh..I also notice that things are worse when there is something else, such as DS is tired, hungry, sick, etc. Do you have seasonal weather changes? I noticed DS has been a bit crankier the past week or two since our weather changed suddenly.
Definitely not a failure although I understand what it is like to feel that way. My problem isnt with my 3 year old though, it is with my 2 year old. Her tantrums are crazy and can be long and I haven't found anything that helps yet. I try to ignore it, and it still will go on for 10 minutes or more. I can't leave the room because she needs someone there to make sure she doesn't get hurt (sometimes bangs her head on walls, runs around and then purposely throws herself down in the middle of running (which sometimes can be near a wall or corner) etc. I get so frustrated not knowing what to do. I can't wait until this stage ends. lol. She was biting for awhile too, but that seems to have gotten somewhat better. (Crossing fingers...). Just hang in there and do your best....that is all any of us can do. And know you aren't alone. I feel for you.