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Court Tomorrow ..

carrieannewcarrieannew member
in Single Parents

And I can not sleep. I feel like I am pushed to the max with what I can handle and I will burst at any point. This past weekend was a very very low point for me.

Friday in the mail I recieved the results in writting of the DNA test, which I knew meant DB would get them as well before court tomorrow.

I know I have mentioned living with my brother and sister-in-law before. They had 2 cats and a dog, I have one cat. Well one of the cats had been throwing up but we could not tell which one. We figured out Saturday it was my cat and he also was not eatting. I was praying he would stay the same through the weekend so we could just go to the vet monday and not end up at the Pet ER.

I left the house yesterday to do some school work and I got a text from my SIL saying Toby (my cat) was much worse and they were taking him to the ER. I love animals I do, but I am broke. DB has not paid me child support since April, and then it was only twice total, I am tapped out.

Well to make a long story short they did xrays and blood work, and determined the issue was that Toby ate a bottle nipple and it was clear as day on the xray. But was wedged so bad it was not moving and was killing him. The solution was surgery, to the tune of $5000 total for everything. Before they even told me, my sil made the decision she could not walk away from him and they were doing it. I told them I could not pay that back and I did not agree. But they would not listen. My brother was freaking out because of putting that much more debt on his card. It was a horrible situation. She made her decision and I still have to live with them, what could I do? That is like someone walking up to you and saying you just spent $5000 on something you don't want but sorry you spent it and owe it. Of course they did not say it that way and said they dont expect me to have 5000 to pay back, but they also did not say I did not owe it, you know. Ugh. I could go on and on. But after all that and crying and what not. I get an email from DB.

Stating he viewed the letter and wanted to talk about visitation and that he would not allow it at my home because of the hostel environment he faced last time. Oh and that because he did not have any updates on Logan, how was he.

*sigh*.

So tomorrow is court for child support. And I am emotionaly done, stick a fork in me, done.

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Re: Court Tomorrow ..

  • achase123achase123

    I am SO sorry Carrie.  That's a tough situation about the cat.  I probably would have felt the same as you.  Let ME make the decision, especially because it was so costly.  $5K for a procedure is INSANE.  And I would also probably feel the same way about paying them back, they aren't asking for it but I would feel guilty not doing it.

    That also sucks about DB.  Is there a nuetral environment where he could have visits?  I know my friend and her ex often do visits at a park or at a play area at the mall.  Something like that.

    We all have times like this, I am glad you can vent to us and find support. 

    ((HUGS)) and if I was there I would get you a peppermint white mocha.

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  • LIMomLIMom

    You need to just breathe. I can feel your stress through the computer. My suggestion reguarding you cat is to just give the cat to them. I work for a vet and if you feel that you can not afford to take care of him then I would ask SIL if they would just take him on as theirs. It would be one less thing to worry about. Good luck tomorrow.

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  • carrieannewcarrieannew member
    imageLIMom:

    You need to just breathe. I can feel your stress through the computer. My suggestion reguarding you cat is to just give the cat to them. I work for a vet and if you feel that you can not afford to take care of him then I would ask SIL if they would just take him on as theirs. It would be one less thing to worry about. Good luck tomorrow.

    The choice about the cat has already been made and my brother gave them his credit card yesterday.

    I do feel my stress through my words as well.

    AM - Visitation is going to be hard. I do not want him in my home anyways, so I am fine with finding another solutation, expecially since Logan is older now. It was different when he was 2 months old back in April. I am hopeful we can come to a common ground. Maybe his brothers house and I will be present for the visits or my mother until we have a court order on custody.

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  • LIMomLIMom
    No I think I might have came across wronge. What I meant was to give them the cat indefinatly so that he would be their cat from now on. This way their is no drama in the future about the money. I am an animal lover so I know you love your cat, but maybe one less thing on your plate would help.
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  • carrieannewcarrieannew member

    imageLIMom:
    No I think I might have came across wronge. What I meant was to give them the cat indefinatly so that he would be their cat from now on. This way their is no drama in the future about the money. I am an animal lover so I know you love your cat, but maybe one less thing on your plate would help.

    I gotcha. I know a part of me feels like their cat, their debt now. But I really don't know how I could ever walk away from this. I will feel like its over my head.

     

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  • LIMomLIMom
    I hear you and completly get it. Just remember to breathe.
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  • carrieannewcarrieannew member

    imageLIMom:
    I hear you and completly get it. Just remember to breathe.

    Thank you!

     

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  • dimakedimake
    Hugs!
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  • carrieannewcarrieannew member

    imagedimake:
    Hugs!

    thanks mama!

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  • bella9280bella9280

    ugh you poor thing im so sorry good luck

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  • carrieannewcarrieannew member
    imagetifanico:

    Im sorry Carrie!

    You do need to talk to them regarding what they expect for this 5K. Can you ask them to do a payment plan or something like that? 5K its a freaking lot of money and they never even asked you!!

    Visitation agreements are hard!! Make a list of how you want things to be. Times, days, place etc and ask him to do the same. Hopefully if you do get to an agreement, then you can file and get an easy/quick CO. 

    As hard as it seems, I really dont think he will want you to be present for the visitations and unless he is unfit (we all know he is a DB though) you should allow him to have time alone with him. Of course I wouldnt do it right away. 

    I remember in August when in the US I presented BD with my tentative visitation. I told him that he needed sometime to bond with her while I needed to be present. He was OK with it but you know he does have contact with V. 

    I would do "supervised" visits for about 2-3 weeks and then let him to things by himself.

    Good luck in court tomorrow and I will be sending you lots of T&P.

    His past issue with his guns and being arrested, I worry about visitation in his home. I still have that in my "back pocket" so to speak. He does not know I am aware of that issue. And I feel unless I am backed in a corner and I feel what he is proposing is unsafe for Logan I will not mention it.

    But Logan does not know him, at all or his family. 2-3 weeks was exactly what I was thinking for supervised visits at first and then starting with shorter periods of times on the weekends and working up.

    Thank you for the T & P's I will need them tomorrow. I am trying to make sure I have everything I need ready.

    I just pray they will hold him responsible for the back medical and Logan's doc band that I am paying $900 for. I also hope he will be responsible for the back medical and daycare. But I am not holding my breath.

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  • xcjen06xcjen06

    So sorry Carrie. I hope court goes smooth tomorrow and that you can also work out a good visitation schedule.

    5K is a lot, maybe you can work something out with them or see if you can just pay part of it or something? Idk...that one's tough and I would probably have said the same thing you did.

    ((hugs))

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  • Mel007Mel007

    Ugh so sorry you have all this to deal with!  I hope you have a good outcome from court tomorrow and that you can get a visitation that you are comfortable with worked out. 

    I'm so sorry about your cat situation...it sounds like they love your cat also and were willing to bear the debt for the surgery but wow...I know I would feel the same way you do about the guilt for feeling like you owe them the money when it wasn't your decision. :(  I have no advice for this type of thing but I hope you find a compromise with them that you can live with. 

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