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April 2011 Moms
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vent: uggh at my FIL

TheBenonasTheBenonas
in April 2011 Moms

My FIL is a really nice man but man he really pissed me off the other day. And i found out through the DH so i don't know the full story. I was in the other car.

We like to go to this local restaurant/bar cuz they make their own beer and food. We always sit in the bar area because the service is a little faster. You can smoke and eat in the bar area but there is a bunch of air filters machines in the ceiling. So its not a smokey bar.

So the other night my FIL wanted to go to the brewery and i made a simple request if we can eat in the restaurant (no smoking allowed). DH called him to let him know we are going out to eat but in the restaurant. My FIL blew a gas cap and said some really mean things to my DH.

When i got home with my sister (she is visiting this week) i found out we were not going to the restaurant because of the FIL. Then my FIL made some side a$$ comment about me and my laundry.

Long story short a couple days later FIL finally came up to me after he cooled down and said its not a smokey bar and you can eat there just fine. His mom smoked a pack a day or more when she was PG with his and he came out fine (which i give a damn what he thinks or has been done). DH said he sees where i am coming from but he thinks i am over doing it.

All this because i wanted to sit in the restaurant... this is so stupid!  Am i in the wrong because i rather play it safe than sorry?

Vent over thank you for reading it.

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Re: vent: uggh at my FIL

  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    You know I was watching the news this week and a local university did a study on restaurant smoke  and their study said that even with the best ventilation systems, the amount of smoke still in the restaurant is not good especially for pregnant women. 

    https://news.wustl.edu/news/Pages/21102.aspx 

    You did the right thing by looking out for your child's best interest.  If FIL wants to act like a spoiled brat, let him.  Oh and what he said about his mom is just stupid.  Back then people didn't use car seats either and yes some people did end up ok.  However, that still doesn't mean you should go without one. 

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  • yesthisiskimyesthisiskim
    Your FIL is really out of line here. You are putting you and your babies health first - like any normal woman would do. So sorry he doesn't care about his granchilds health but he needs to be a bigger man and not call you out for being pregnant. I can only hop your DH stood up for you. And kudo's to you for not loosing your cool because anyone who would want to endanger me or my children would have heard an earfull.
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  • irelandsangel81irelandsangel81 member
    I'm kinda going through the same thing with my MIL so I know how you feel.  She chain smokes and thinks we are being unreasonable to say that the baby cant go to her house, in her car if she continues to smoke there and she cant smoke in our house at all.  She said that there is no negative side effects to cigarette smoke and that the medical evidence is all a conspiracy to get people to stop doing what they love.  To top it off I have asthma and my LO has a 65% of having asthma but we wont find out until they are 2.  So basically I dont want you to feel you are alone in the smoking war!  As someone else said second hand smoke is the leading cause of SID related deaths.  When I found this out I guilted my MIL into not smoking by asking her how should would  live with herself if she made her grandchild sick. 
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member

    imageirelandsangel81:
    I'm kinda going through the same thing with my MIL so I know how you feel.  She chain smokes and thinks we are being unreasonable to say that the baby cant go to her house, in her car if she continues to smoke there and she cant smoke in our house at all.  She said that there is no negative side effects to cigarette smoke and that the medical evidence is all a conspiracy to get people to stop doing what they love.  To top it off I have asthma and my LO has a 65% of having asthma but we wont find out until they are 2.  So basically I dont want you to feel you are alone in the smoking war!  As someone else said second hand smoke is the leading cause of SID related deaths.  When I found this out I guilted my MIL into not smoking by asking her how should would  live with herself if she made her grandchild sick. 

    OMG talk about being in denial.

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  • buboobuboo
    ewww, smoking in restaurants is disgusting. I am sorry you are dealing with an insensitive FIL, hopefully he will come around
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  • Bree4011Bree4011

    You're totally justified in that request and honestly it doesn't even seem like much of an inconvenience.

    I was at a restaurant in the bar section when I was preg. with my first child and it used to be smoking but was a non-smoking, but the waitress told some people to go ahead and smoke and the lady next to us lit up and I about ripped her head off.  It was a weird moment for me, I would never do that and didn't even see it coming.  Pregnant women are very protective of their babies.  =)

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  • GHBEAGHBEA member
    Thats just a smoker defending his or her right to smoke.
                                                 Mom to 4 wonderful daughters
                                 Breanna, Ellie and 
                                 our 2 rainbow babies.

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  • Mrs.McLovinMrs.McLovin member
    Well you already know your FIL is an idiot. But you need to get your DH on the same page. There is no over doing it when it comes to secondhand smoke for a pg lady or an infant. Your DH needs to deal with his dad and put a stop to this nonsense now.
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  • purpledawgypurpledawgy member
    You are TOTALLY not in the wrong!! There is tons of proof that second hand smoke is dangerous! Not to mention that in the first trimester, the smell of cigarette smoke is probably so incredibly nauseating! I'm glad I live in a state that has banned smoking in all restaurants. Sounds like FIL needs to put on his big girl panties and deal!
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  • bobalina77bobalina77
    Makes me so happy I live in a place where smoking in doors isn't allowed anywhere. You were absolutely within your right to ask to sit somewhere smoke free.. this really should not have been an issue for your FIL.
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  • p1nklemonadep1nklemonade member

    imagebobalina77:
    Makes me so happy I live in a place where smoking in doors isn't allowed anywhere. You were absolutely within your right to ask to sit somewhere smoke free.. this really should not have been an issue for your FIL.

     all of this, exactly.  we were at a backyard party yesterday and people were smoking cigars.  unfortunately we wound up leaving early.  there was no place where it wasn't blowing/drifting/stinking the air up.


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