"save things for your baby shower!"

pawcall · September 2010

I am so sick of hearing this. Every time I buy anything for Aidan.

There's a fine line between waiting around to see if anyone offers to throw a shower (I don't anticipate this) and knowing we're buying most everything ourselves and preferring to spread the cost out over the next 4 months rather than the last couple of weeks).

My office ALWAYS does showers for women who are getting married and having babies. Nothing huge, but there's always something. Or, almost always, given that my boss didn't even offer me a "congratulations" for my wedding, let alone plan a work party. So I'm not holding my breath on the work shower front. If it happens, it'll be nice, and i'm sure I'll get some cute outfits and bottles and stuff. But should this really stop me from buying Aidan's carseat and high chair and stuff when we see sales and have coupons?

For now I just kind of nod and smile and say that I don't know of any showers being planned but I'll certainly keep their advice (not to buy things) in mind. Then I buy whatever I was about to buy.

NJBrit · September 2010

I feel your pain. I sat my husband down the other day to talk to him about the possibility of a shower, and he said that no one has come to him yet about throwing one. The only friend who might have throw one for me is now not speaking to me because I told her it was inappropriate for her to be so vocal about her feeling that my husband and I shouldn't have more kids. He said, "Oh, I'm sure my family will do something for you..." but no one has even mentioned the possibility of it, and they know that he and I are busy all throughout the holidays.

I don't think you're crazy to be buying items in advance... you're being realistic. Even if the ladies at your work through you a shower, they aren't going to all chip in and buy you a stroller.

Isn't it amazing how something like having a baby can make you feel so alone?

honey740 · September 2010

I hear it ALL the time. I just ignore. There are stores that I want/need to get stuff that I am not registered at.

Tracy6450 · September 2010

I know that I'm having a shower because I picked the date with my mom and because my mom, MIL & SIL all said they wanted to throw it together. I'm very happy that they are throwing me a shower but I kind of have similar concerns with shopping like you do, even though you're not sure if you're going to have a shower. I know that I will get barely any of the big stuff on our registry as gifts. My mom might buy me something big and maybe my stepmom but other than that, I don't anticipate getting any of the larger items. Part of me wants to go out and start buying them when I get 20% coupons in the mail because that beats the 10% completion discount and part of me knows that people will be upset if I do so. But, like you, I want to be able to spread out the spending if I can, and my shower's not until November.

I've also been feeling the alone part. I see so many people on these boards and know so many people IRL who are already receiving tons of baby gifts: packages sent from relatives with hand-me-downs, parents purchasing or giving away perfect condition furniture, etc. We've gotten no offers for anything from anyone. We bought the furniture ourselves and I've had so many people say to me "You didn't wait for someone to offer that as a gift?" What's the point in waiting? It's not like I told everyone I was pregnant yesterday so if someone was going to offer, I'm sure they would have right now. It just doesn't seem like people are very excited and into our pregnancy. When DH's brother & SIL were adopting all I heard from his family was "the adoption this, the adoption that" and they got so much free stuff - nursery furniture, clothes...all of this seperate from shower gifts. We get the complete opposite from his family - like they don't even care. Part of me thinks they are like that because we're giving them another boy...his mother already expressed her disappointment on a boy so I guess I shouldn't expect much excitment out of them.

Sarahp63 · September 2010

I feel your pain! I even know that I am having a shower and when, but I do know that even though I registered, most people will not shop off it since the nearest store is an hour away. My sister got everything in size 0-3 months at her shower so most everything I am buying is in bigger sizes. I also want to be able to dress my daughter in what I want and I am picky with clothes. I really hate anything Winnie the Pooh or character-ish and dont want her dressed in all pink. My prents say stuff to me all the time, but dh actually encourages me shopping sales.

CandiceMC87 · September 2010

Ahhh!! I know exactly what you are talking about!!

My problem with that is, my DH's family isn't "well off" (hate to say it) and I tell them that I have bought my bedding/crib/stollers/swings - you name it.

Then they tell me "save things for your baby shower " I'm thinking first of all, you guys are NOT going to buy me this stuff you guy are going to buy me a couple outfits and some bottles.. so FREAK OFF

luckybride1128 · September 2010

honey740:
I hear it ALL the time. I just ignore. There are stores that I want/need to get stuff that I am not registered at.

Yep, this exactly. I can't put my Vera diaper bag, PB Kids bedding, Munire furniture, or CD stash on my BRU registry if BRU doesn't sell it!!!

ELien82 · September 2010

I completely understand what you are saying, I have been hearing this a lot too. I think people assume I am having a few showers however nothing has been planned as of yet. I have heard a few aunts on DH's side talking about who's house to have it at but no one has talked to me yet. Another friend of mine said she would like to have one for me mid Jan. which is very nice of her, but she made it clear she wanted it to be small.... so who do I/don't I invite to this one? I live in a town where if I have a friends shower I would like to invite all the friends at once which based on how my bridal shower was there was about 30 girls.... it was only last year so maybe no one is interested in throwing a baby shower for me now. The friend who offered lives about 40 mins from the town where myself and most of my friends live so will people want to drive out there? Tongue Tied

So.... I have already bought the following items: crib, changing table, highchair, car seat, boppy, few infant toys, clothing, baby bjorn, stroller, and a few other things here and there. I figure why wait until around the holidays when I am trying to buy other gifts for people, it will be so costly to do it all at once if I don't get things from a shower.

honey740 · September 2010

Also as an FYI to everyone, I think most people that are going to have a shower stated in the poll it would be before the holidays. If you want to get expensive items I HIGHLY recommend waiting until black Friday, I hear BRU has killer sales which would be better than the 20% coupons we get all the time.

lovemytannerman · September 2010

I hear this all the time too. We bought the nursery furniture, I got a breast pump, and I'm getting the bedding. I just got a 150 gift card from BRU with our furniture purchase and I'm going to use that with my 20% coupon to get a travel stroller system. I'll probably continue to use those coupons to buy the things we need. My friend who is throwing my shower told me to quit buying everything and that I should go and register.

But it's been my experience with showers that people primarily buy you clothes. (totally fine with me, btw) My family nor does Dh's family have money for the bigger ticket items so I want to start getting the things we need now. I don't want to wait for the shower and then be running around towards the end getting the things we need, kwim?

starsmaycollide · September 2010

It makes sense to me. I don't think I am having a shower either (which is totally fine, my one bridal shower didn't actually go so smoothly so I am not that into having another anyway). We are buying things as we go and getting everything on sale.

vlewis84 · September 2010

Same here. I don;'t speak to my family and DH's family lives in NM and we are in CA. I though that maybe they would have something small for us when we were there a month ago since we will not see them again until next spring but nope! My work usually throws them but it usually the month the baby is due. I am due in January and I am being medically separated in the beginning of November and will be out of the office a lot in October so I don't think one will be happening..

MeganMaryA · September 2010

I really don't like when people tell me that as well.. I mean, if I want to spend $3 on a super cute onesie/pj/etc that's on a clearance rack I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Baby clothes and stuff is so cute!

beetlebug00@comcast.net · September 2010

i hear this too, and i'm not waiting for my shower to get what i need.

i went to a shower this weekend for dh's cousin, and NO ONE got her anything off her registry but me and two other people. all she got were blankets and clothes. i don't understand this. i understand those are fun things to buy, and she got some super cute stuff, but how many blankets can one baby use?

i know most of them were handmade and the people had good intentions, and i hate to sound greedy, but come on! i think a car seat and diapers are more useful than 50 blankets!

izzourclue · September 2010

I wasn't anticipating a shower either, but as it turns out some friends have offered. That said, there is no one that I think will offer to buy big ticket items like a car seat or anything over $20-40. So we are buying those items as I see them on sale. If someone offers at the last minute, I will say, well you can give us cash. People need to plan you know. So now I have to register and I think I will be registering for clothes, boppy pillow, crib bumpers, maybe some diapers and lotion...all that small stuff.

williaw · September 2010

People have been telling me this, too. Even my best friend said it the other day. I told her I seriously doubt anyone is going to get us a $200+ travel system or a breast pump.

RHitch · September 2010

Everyone told me to wait until the shower with my first pregnancy, but I did want I wanted (of course). This came back to bite me in the behind because over 70 people attended my shower and I actually ran out of things on my registry. I had to go back and add to both my Target and BRU registry because everything was purchased. I truly learned my lesson. Next time I will listen to those that have done this before me. With that being said, I knew I was having a shower. If you are not having one, you are doing the right thing.

NoemiJ · September 2010

Although I'm having a pretty big shower (about 100 people), I don't expect them to buy me the big ticket items like the furniture, stroller, high chair, etc. so we're planning on getting these as soon as I start getting coupons in the mail. We may even go to BBB and get them with the 20% coupons from Bed,Bath and Beyond that we get regularly in the mail. The only things I know we will definitely buy after the shower are clothes (if needed) and diapers.