traveling withOUT your LO
redshoegirl
member
I noticed in the BSOTB post down below that a few people recommended leaving your LO with their grandparents for a week or two so that you could get a Mommy & Daddy vacation every once in a while.
Ben and I have already agreed to do this at some point, but can't agree on what age it should start. For example, the Great Hawaii GTG of 2013 - Ben has said, "Hey, they'll be 3, they can stay with my parents for a week and we can kinda have a second honeymoon." But then I'm like "OMG they'll only be 3! They're my BABIES! They NEED MEEEEE!" and then throw myself on the couch and sob hysterically.
OK it's not really that dramatic lol, but 3 does seem a little young to me. On the other hand, I can see how I'd still say the same thing when they were 15. 
So if this is something you're thinking of doing, what age would you consider starting at?
Re: traveling withOUT your LO
I think it'll depend on the kid....like, if you think they can handle being with G+G for a week (and if G+G can handle it!) But actually, I would think that 3 might be a good time. Of course, ask me again in three years.....I'll probably say no way!
Actually, maybe not until 6 or 7, now that I think about it. You want the kid to be able to understand that you're coming back!
LOL yeah, I think I'd be more of a wreck than them!
I wonder if it would help them to have a calendar to count down days to return, or if that would be too abstract a concept? (Clearly I need to learn a LOT more about child development since I don't know the answer to that question...
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not sure... it will be a while though. But I actually don't think we are really going to plan any trips without Jack/kids. Someday I guess. Even the elusive trip to the S. Pacific will probably include Jack if we go in the next few years.
DH's family obviously had a different perspective back when DH was a baby. His baby book says "he got his tooth sometime around [date when he would have been almost 5mo], we were in Las Vegas - he was staying with his grandparents."
Although the idea of going on a romantic trip with MH sounds really nice, I don't think I can bear leaving LO! When we were pg, we were originally planning on having movie date nights when the baby is here. But then, instead, we only watched one movie in the theater so far and we brought LO along! =P
When I was 4 or 5, my family were planning a move (we lived with my grandparents at the time) and my grandparents made the move first and my family were to follow within months. So my grandparents took me with them first. I had tons of fun during the first day, but by the time bedtime rolled around on the 2nd day, I cried inconsolably because my parents were nowhere in sight. Eventually I calmed down and went to bed, but it was not after I was bribed with sweets (I blame this for the reason why I always crave sweets when I'm having a bad day/stressed =P) and got to talk to them on the phone. My other grandma ended up having to come and get me and fly me back to my parents and then I made the move again later with my parents. So I don't know...you'd think 4-5 years old is old enough...but maybe I was just more attached than most kids? Who knows. My mom was a SAHM so maybe I was too used to having her around 24/7? But I had lived with my grandparents all that time so I would've thought I'd be ok because I was at least with them, but I wasn't...
Since we'd like to have 2 more kids, spaced about 2 yrs apart, then by the time LO is 6, the youngest one would be only 2 years old...so if we want to wait until they're at least 5, then that would be at least when our current LO is 9. Geez, that's a long time though. Maybe my logic is off...maybe it'll be easier if the siblings are together to keep each other company so we don't have to wait that long?
I think that's it. Maybe I cried inconsolably because I couldn't understand if my parents were coming back anymore since I was so young? I don't remember why I cried anymore...just that I did.
Awww! This makes me sad - that you were so sad.
I think that at least for our next big trip we'll take them with us - for example, if we do go to HI in 2013, then we'll probably go there for a week and then go to LA for a week after that to see my family...so we'd take them with us just for that reason. Do you think 2 weeks of traveling is too much for 3 year olds?
3 is totally ok to have them go to their g'parents for an 'extended sleepover'. I remember being totally reluctant to leave Maya (for two days after we got married in Hawaii, to a nearby motel) and again when I jetted up to see my dad in Queensland and had to leave her with my mum and Josh for two days.
She was perfectly fine on those occassions. Now? At 3? Oh hell yeah, she'd be fine!
As long as your boys were comfortable with their grandparents and saw them on a regular basis, I think the main time they would kick up a stink and start crying for you would be when you walked back in the door, after your holiday and they remembered you again "Oh THAT'S who were missing! Mammmmmaaaaaaaaa, daddddaaaaaa!"
I sorta feel like this. DH and I thought our travel days would nearly be over with kids, but when traveling through SE Asia on our honeymoon, we saw so many families (mostly European) traveling successfully with LOs. It changed our perspective. Especially living on a small island, I'd love to take our kid(s) along wherever we go -- great family experiences and so educational, too. I can see taking a short neighbor island trip with just DH or doing a weekend getaway, but nothing bigger at this point.
I loved my babysitter so much when I was a kid, that I used to sleep over her house on weekends sometimes too - and this was infant to kindergarten age. But I was a pretty mature kid, and I started doing sleepovers with friends in kindergarten and going to sleepaway camp for a week at age 8.
I think my niece, who's now 6, at 3 would have been a handful for my parents at 3 for an entire week, but they take her for the weekends all the time. I'm thinking it depends on the kid and their comfort around whoever the sitter will be.
We are going to a destination wedding in Mexico in November... So Alexa is staying with DH's mom. We will be leaving her for 4 days and 4 nights at MIL's house, where Alexa has visited several times. MIL has a crib, high chair, PnP, tons of toys... Alexa will have a blast. She has seen MIL every month since she was born, so we feel like she'll be OK.
Plus MIL has come to DC to babysit for me while DH was out of town so I could go to a wedding... She fed Alexa dinner, gave her a bath and put her to bed, all on her own. So I know she can handle it!
I had actually wanted to go for a week, but DH said he couldn't be away from her that long! LOL! I think 4 days/nights is a good amount of time for our first trip away. I am so excited! I know she'll be fine. :-)
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
I'm not sure on this one. The longest I've left Bella with anyone other than DH was to go to a wedding and we left her with my mom for about 4 hours. I missed her like crazy of course but it was also very nice to have 4 solid hours of dinner, dancing and fun with my adult friends!
I should add that she sees my mom about every 3 months and my mom interacts with her the most of all of the grandparents. My mom holds her and plays with her and gets on her level. My MIL holds her but doesn't consistently interact with her. She holds her but then talks to us instead of talking to Bella or playing with Bella. My FIL is getting better with actually interacting with her, now he'll get down on the floor and play with her. He sees her every couple of weeks. The thing about FIL is that he wants to feed her everything under the sun and I'm not comfortable with that yet. We're pretty good at giving her organic home made stuff and not boxed, prepackaged stuff (which he wants to give her).
Maybe when she's 18 and in college?! No I think more around the age when she can understand that we'll be back. I'm even nervous to have this baby and be away from her for 2 nights! We've been talking about what to do, who to leave her with, or we do pay Ryan's cousin to come watch her overnight and then Ryan come home and take her to daycare in the morning... Or do we have him bring her to the hospital with some toys to hang out and then take her home and put her down and THEN have someone come stay overnight like his dad... ugh, I'm really struggling with this one!!
So like I said, I'm not sure.... I'm no help!
I'm more in line with Malia on this one...
... we're going to drop LO off with his grandparents in Maui in November when he will be about 7 or 8 months old. We plan to go to Oahu by ourselves for about 3-4 days and then come back and spend some time on Maui with them.
Maybe it's because of the nature of my job that I'm able to do this without a problem? Actually, I have cried my eyes out when leaving LO if he has to go to daycare, but if he's with his daddy or grandma I'm at peace and happy. I know they both LOVE to have him to themselves. DH gets so proud of himself for taking care of LO all by himself and I think it's special bonding time for them.
Maybe this is my problem. I know my ILs love Will and Dash to death, but I'm nervous about them actually looking after my sons for an extended (i.e., longer than a few hours or a day at most) period of time.
They're not bad people, but they certainly have their own ideas about child rearing, and some of the stories about Ben's childhood make me give them the side eye - like where he was about 3 years old and they quite literally force fed him because he was going through (what sounded like to me a very standard) fussy eating phase. I don't want anyone holding one of my sons' mouths open while someone else rams food down his throat.
My MIL & I differ a lot with how we want to do things for Ryan but she has always respected my wishes. I'm really lucky.
Yes and no. There are some large groups of things he doesn't like (seafood, for example), but for the most part it's just certain foods cooked certain ways, like most people. I believe what they force fed him was silverbeet (aka Swiss Chard), which he's always hated, and still does. He likes many other kinds of greens, just not that stuff, and I don't blame him - I think it's pretty nasty myself.
I was a pretty damn picky eater myself as a kid (family stories about me are LEGENDARY) but my mother never force fed me - she'd just say, "Well, that's what's for dinner so you can eat or not eat." Most of the time I'd eat, sometimes I wouldn't, and I didn't grow up any the worse for it and like most foods now that I'm an adult. Not sure what the ILs thought was wrong with that approach.
Anyway, it's one of those touchy subjects to discuss with Ben, because it's freaking hard to figure out a way to phrase it other than "OMFG honey, that's not normal!" I'd rather not leave the boys with them for extended periods of time because of stories like that, but he thinks that if we tell them not to do it, they won't. I dunno...I think that when people get stressed or frustrated they tend to revert back to what they know, and if force feeding was a tool they used in the past, it's more likely to be applied again now. KWIM?
maybe I'm being naive, but I think what you do with your own kid and what you do with someone else's kid are different. I would think the ILs would be a little more careful with yours. And hey, if they have a bad experience there, the boys won't want to go back. The ILs would be putting themselves in a bad position.
I do agree with this (at least to some extent). My FIL is always telling me stories about how they had no idea what they were doing with their kids and the crazy things they did, but he always follows it up, but we were young & stupid...we didn't know better OR that is what they told you to do then. (I think he will listen to our wishes (or at least I really hope they do). but when he tells these stories I think my MIL could die b/c she is afraid I will not let them babysit. My SIL doesn't believe in babysitting...ever. Not to go to the grocery, not to go to the dr, nothing...it is all a family event.
These are good points - I hadn't thought about it this way!