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Ugh FMIL babysitting

bellabsmommybellabsmommy
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months

Let me start off by saying that we greatly appreciate our IL's keeping DD so I can continue to work and they keep her for free which is a hugh break! The problem is that FMIL and I are not close. I have been with her son for over 8 yrs and I dont see things changing any time soon. They are very sensitive people and cant handle when someone says anything to them.

Friday we went to pick up DD and were informed that FMIL took DD to visit her great grandpa. First off she did not let us know that she was taking DD anywhere. Secondly she drives a Mini Cooper! I am sure they are nice cars but they are tiny!! I have seen what can happen to little cars in a wreck and am VERY protective of my baby girl. So when I heard this I about had a heart attack. Neither I nor DF said anything because we like to discuss things before we say anything to them (back to the overly sensitive part). He did mention to them this morning that they need to let us know before they take her anywhere and they need to have all the proper parts to the carseat before using it (we have everything at home but didnt think they would be driving her around for the fun of it). We didnt say anything about what car they take because I dont feel like we have any place telling them that. 

This isnt the first time we have had an issue and I'm sure it wont be the last but I hate the fact that I feel like I cant say anything to her about how she does things or how I want her to do things. FMIL never had to work so she raised her kids and doesnt understand what it feels like to be constantly second guessed or have a babysitter say that they know how to take care of LO better then you do.

~Vent over~

 

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Re: Ugh FMIL babysitting

  • MWoodsideMWoodside member
    So did she use a properly installed carseat?

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  • lindsleeklindsleek member
    I would be pissed too. I don't let anyone drive with DD except me and DH... My MIL has picked her up from daycare twice but has borrowed one of our cars so she has the base and doesn't need to mess with anything as far as her carseat goes. I get so nervous with other people driving with her and I would flip out if anyone drove with her without getting permission first!
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  • joseandelenajoseandelena

    First off I'd like to say that you are a reasonable person, i can tell from the phrase below.

     

    imagebellabsmommy:
    We didnt say anything about what car they take because I dont feel like we have any place telling them that. 

     That told me a lot about you and how considerate and tactful you are.

     

    Second is that I sooooo understand you about not being able to communicate to people over their extra sensitivity (IL thing) and about worrying that you have no control over what happens to your DD over the course of the day.

    They should, by all means, have consulted you about whether they should take your DD anywhere.

    Oh, and my favorite part is when people teach a mother how to raise her child. i just can't get enough of that! LOL

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  • Erika6504Erika6504

    I really don't think that you can expect them not to go anywhere with her.  If they are watching her, especially for free, it's not fair for them to be stuck at home all of the time.

    I can understand that you want to know if they plan on taking her somewhere and to be sure that they have a properly installed carseat, but to expect them to stay home all of the time is a little insane.  It's hard to allow someone else to drive your child, but you really need to let go and realize that they aren't trying to do anything to hurt her.

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  • bellabsmommybellabsmommy
    imagejoseandelena:

    First off I'd like to say that you are a reasonable person, i can tell from the phrase below.

     

    imagebellabsmommy:
    We didnt say anything about what car they take because I dont feel like we have any place telling them that. 

     That told me a lot about you and how considerate and tactful you are.

     

    Second is that I sooooo understand you about not being able to communicate to people over their extra sensitivity (IL thing) and about worrying that you have no control over what happens to your DD over the course of the day.

    They should, by all means, have consulted you about whether they should take your DD anywhere.

    Oh, and my favorite part is when people teach a mother how to raise her child. i just can't get enough of that! LOL

     Thank you! We really do try to be reasonable. I am a first time mother and very protective. The carseat was not properly installed. We have a base at home that we told them we would let them use if they needed it and they said that they wouldnt be going anywhere anytime soon so we hadnt given it to them yet. But my main concern was with the type of care they drive and I have no control over that, I dont expect them to stay home forever and never leave but I would appreciate a text saying "FYI we are going to visit so and so" that way I dont get any surprises.

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  • MelonieKMelonieK

    I could have written the last paragraph myself, but about my own mother. I posted about my own experience on Saturday.

    Your DF did the right thing by telling them to check with you first.  And you deserve a gold star for not going off on them!

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  • ToBeMrsTToBeMrsT member
    I think it's kind of crappy of you to have them watching your baby (full-time- all week??) and you not wanting them to go anywhere. This is a situation where they should have car seat in their car at all times and be able to run errands or whatever at any time they need (without asking for your permission).  Expecting them to never go anywhere is ridiculous!!
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  • BFab11BFab11 member

    She DOESN'T expect them never to go anywhere, she just wants a heads up and the chance to make sure the car seat in installed with the base and safe before they go, that's not unreasonable.

    OP, maybe you could say,"Since my car has the base installed I can leave it here and take yours to work, so if you need to go anywhere we don't have to mess with the carseat and you can just snap LO in and go." That way you feel better but you're not dissing their car. GL!

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  • bellabsmommybellabsmommy

    BFab- Thanks for the suggestion I may try that especially if they are going a far distance.

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  • joseandelenajoseandelena
    imageBFab11:

    She DOESN'T expect them never to go anywhere, she just wants a heads up and the chance to make sure the car seat in installed with the base and safe before they go, that's not unreasonable.

     Exactly! Wanting to know where your baby is at all times does not mean you are expect people to never go anywhere

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  • ToBeMrsTToBeMrsT member
    imagejoseandelena:
    imageBFab11:

    She DOESN'T expect them never to go anywhere, she just wants a heads up and the chance to make sure the car seat in installed with the base and safe before they go, that's not unreasonable.

     Exactly! Wanting to know where your baby is at all times does not mean you are expect people to never go anywhere

    if they didn't have the proper tools (car seat parts) to take the baby somewhere then yes the OP obviously didn't want or expect them to go anywhere.  They should have access to those things so they can safely take the baby somewhere at a moments  notice.

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  • Pumpkin30Pumpkin30
    imageToBeMrsT:
    imagejoseandelena:
    imageBFab11:

    She DOESN'T expect them never to go anywhere, she just wants a heads up and the chance to make sure the car seat in installed with the base and safe before they go, that's not unreasonable.

     Exactly! Wanting to know where your baby is at all times does not mean you are expect people to never go anywhere

    if they didn't have the proper tools (car seat parts) to take the baby somewhere then yes the OP obviously didn't want or expect them to go anywhere.  They should have access to those things so they can safely take the baby somewhere at a moments  notice.

    She told them she'd bring the parts if they wanted to take her somewhere. It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask that they tell her if she's going somewhere. My daycare doesn't do daytrips, but if they did I'd expect to know when she goes somewhere.

    OP, maybe you can purchase your FMIL a base for her car, but still ask that she let you know when she plans to go somewhere.

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  • ToBeMrsTToBeMrsT member
    imagePumpkin30:
    imageToBeMrsT:
    imagejoseandelena:
    imageBFab11:

    She DOESN'T expect them never to go anywhere, she just wants a heads up and the chance to make sure the car seat in installed with the base and safe before they go, that's not unreasonable.

     Exactly! Wanting to know where your baby is at all times does not mean you are expect people to never go anywhere

    if they didn't have the proper tools (car seat parts) to take the baby somewhere then yes the OP obviously didn't want or expect them to go anywhere.  They should have access to those things so they can safely take the baby somewhere at a moments  notice.

    She told them she'd bring the parts if they wanted to take her somewhere. It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask that they tell her if she's going somewhere. My daycare doesn't do daytrips, but if they did I'd expect to know when she goes somewhere.

    OP, maybe you can purchase your FMIL a base for her car, but still ask that she let you know when she plans to go somewhere.

    I think it's completely reasonable to be notified when they go somewhere, but they should be able to go somewhere whenever they want since they are watching the baby for free all the time.  They shouldn't be stuck at home.  The OP shouldn't have them watching her baby if she doesn't trust them to take the baby out.

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  • bellabsmommybellabsmommy

    Wow didnt expect people to get upset by this post. Let me clarify a few things. We have a spare base and had offered to bring it up and install it. They do not want it installed. They want to just use the infant carrier since their mini cooper is a small car and dont want a base constantly taking up space. They also told us that they didnt plan on taking LO anywhere until she was older because they were nervous to.

    We have a base waiting for them to use if they will. I would prefer them use a bigger vehicle since they do have mroe then 1 vehicle but I dont feel like I have any right to request that they do that so I bite my tounge on that. I would also prefer that if they are going out for the fun of it that they send me or DF a text letting us know that so we dont assue that they are home and we can pick her up from their house early if we get off early. Emergencies are a different situation and I have no rules or expections for them. These are just my feelings being a very concerned and protective parent of my 1 and only child. DF has all of the same preferences on this subject as I do. He wants to install the base so that we know that everything is done properly but so far they have not allowed us to do so. This has absolutly nothing to do with trusting the IL's with our LO we know they love her dearly and would never put her in harms way.

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  • bellabsmommybellabsmommy

    Sorry for typos!

    1ht

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  • purplecrayonpurplecrayon member

    Bases are for convenience, not safety.  If your FMIL properly secured the car seat with a seat belt, there shouldn't even be an issue.

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