Harper just turned 2 months and all the sudden out of nowhere I'm so sad I can't make it through the workday without going into the bathroom to cry two or three times. For the first two months the only issue I had was feeling overwhelmed, but it wasn't overpowering like it is now. I cried myself to sleep last night and couldn't even figure out why I was crying. I feel like a terrible mother. I was so determined to EBF and when it didn't work (he was losing to much weight too fast) I felt like a failure. Everytime I think about failing at breastfeeding I feel awful and have to fight back the tears. I thought it was just the ordinary blues I usually got before I was pregnant during my period, but it's gone now and the blues aren't.
I don't know what's going on. My husband is deploying in less than 2 weeks and my doctor thought that I just have so much going on that I had a reason to be overwhelmed but it's just getting worse and worse. I feel awful. Harper deserves a happy, healthy Mom.
On top of all that I feel disgusting. I am so huge. Even though I lost all the baby weight I still can't fit into any of my pre-baby clothes. I'm in the Navy and I had to buy all bigger uniforms (which aren't cheap) and only have 3 more months to be completely back in shape. I have stretch marks literally from my two inches above my belly button all the way to my calves! They go all the way around my thighs, butt, back and stomach. I can't even wear shorts or a skirt without them showing, let alone a bathing suit.
All of the sudden I feel like I'll never be able to juggle the baby, the housework, the military, the dog and working out. How do people do it?