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TTC After a Loss 6 Months+
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Vent

KristysRedBarnKristysRedBarn
in TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

I had lunch with a friend today.  It looks like I will be stepping back from this friendship.  She mentioned a lady who adopted 3 kids then got pg on her own.  Then she asked where we are at with ttc or adoption.  I told her we are getting some testing done and everything looks good so far.  But I also told her that with Dh's current job I'm very unsure about things.  For one, I don't want to be a solo parent, and two, what if we go through a loss like we did last time.  She told me not to worry about it, if God was going to have us lose a child again, then He would make provisions.  Then she went on and on about how if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.  I told her that God also expects us to use the common sense He gave us.  She disagreed.

WTF.  A big old friend fail.

I'm not going to step back from the friendship just because of this.  We're in very different places in our lives and she doesn't have anything to talk about except her child right now.

imageimage
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
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Re: Vent

  • CarrieLeigh84CarrieLeigh84 member

    I must say, I'm so very proud of you for telling her the common sense thing!

    I am sorry, though, that your friend sucks.

    There was a quote a friend of mine posted on FB a couple of days ago... and I keep trying to remind myself of it. Maybe it explains the outright douchieness of people.

    "He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs."

     

     

     

    Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008 M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010 My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
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  • Olive44Olive44 member
    imageCarrieLeigh84:

     

    "He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs."

     


     

     

    Oooo I love that quote.  So true.  Sorry, Kristy, that you friend can't be more understanding. 

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  • rabstbmomrabstbmom

    (((Hugs))) That's totally understandable that you'd want to distance yourself from her. It's always hard when friends are in different places.

    I wish I could say it gets easier, but I'm not sure it necessarily does. After years of being single and seeing friends get married and have kids, I finally (at age 38) got married. Now, my friends are either quite a bit younger than me and so aren't yet marrying, having kids, etc., or if they're the same age as me, their kids are so much older that we're still not really in the same place. I think you just have to trust your gut on this one. If she was meant to be a friend then she'd be more understanding and supportive and the friendship would manage to survive, despite the differences.

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  • mdm2137mdm2137
    Wow, definite friend fail. I'm sorry.

    BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
    April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
    May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
    September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
    11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • KristysRedBarnKristysRedBarn
    imageCarrieLeigh84:

    "He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs."

     

    I love this.  There is so much truth to it.

    imageimage
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
    April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
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  • schen0510schen0510

    You go girl!  Awesome job standing up for yourself...even if she didn't get it.

    Oh...I LOVE your elephant!! 

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  • ColindaPColindaP member
    Ugh. I hate when people just can't be sympathetic and understanding. Sounds like stepping back is a good choice.
    Clicky ticky
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  • Scout05Scout05 member
    You don't need that crap in your life, so I'm glad you are stepping back.
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    ((hugs)) glad you are stepping back  from that relationship. Definite friend fail, I hate when people make comments like that.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

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  • maceymay1816maceymay1816 member
    imageCarrieLeigh84:

    I must say, I'm so very proud of you for telling her the common sense thing!

    I am sorry, though, that your friend sucks.

    There was a quote a friend of mine posted on FB a couple of days ago... and I keep trying to remind myself of it. Maybe it explains the outright douchieness of people.

    "He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs."

     

    I could not agree with you more!
     

     

    Married 8/23/09 Dx: Endometriosis mc 2003, mc 2005, mc Oct. 2009 and ectopic pg Feb. 2010 Baby Girl Gracie Mae born 5 weeks early on 7/6/11. Baby boy JT born full term on 7/5/12. We are blessed!
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  • bbhalphenbbhalphen member
    I love that you told her the common sense thing!  I love Carrie's quote too! 
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  • michroccmichrocc member
    imageCarrieLeigh84:

    I must say, I'm so very proud of you for telling her the common sense thing!

    I am sorry, though, that your friend sucks.

    There was a quote a friend of mine posted on FB a couple of days ago... and I keep trying to remind myself of it. Maybe it explains the outright douchieness of people.

    "He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs."

     

     

     

    Gorgeous, gorgeous quote.  

     

    I'm so sorry that your friend doesn't understand.  I am so, so proud of you for sticking up for yourself, though.  Your response was brilliant.  

     

    ::::::hugs::::::

    BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a17ee.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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