Question regarding alcohol

Abbysmommy0518 · August 2010

This post will probably get a zillion views because everyone will think I am the idiot asking if it's okay to drink while pregnant. However that isn't my question and I don't mean to sound snarky or judgemental when I ask it. My family (as a whole) aren't big drinkers so this could be why I don't understand. But do people really feel so much pressure to drink at social events that you have to pretend to drink alcohol or you have to lie and say you're taking medicine? Doesn't a simple I am just not drinking work? Again I don't mean to be judgey, I am just curious?

vflipo · August 2010

I'm with you on this. I never really understood why people had to make up some ridiculous excuse or pretend to drink. I doubt anyone actually notices/says something if you suddenly don't drink at an event. I'd like to understand the point of this as well.

ams8099 · August 2010

I guess if you are a social drinker or a big drinker, it automatically throws up a red flag if you turn down a drink. It could also be that people are just paranoid that they will be figured out if they turn down a drink.

jessicada76 · August 2010

I think it is done because if your family drinks and they are used to you drinking and then you aren't they will know or guess you are pregnant - so in order to hide the fact of the pregnancy if you don't want tell everyone - people pretend to drink or lie. So that is the reason. It is better then ACTUALLY drinking! ;-)

p1nklemonade · August 2010

i agree. we're not big drinkers either, of course we'll both (dh and i) have a beer or two if we go out for burgers, etc., but other than that, we rarely drink. our families are the same way, wine with dinner out, etc. i frequently DON'T drink at social events, and have never been pressured to do so.

Disneygeek77 · August 2010

Well I suppose they just don't want to raise any pregnancy suspicions if they usually do enjoy alcohol in a social setting. I just imagine they don't want the questions about pregnancy because it might be difficult to keep a straight face. Or perhaps they have friends and family who would bug them until they got an answer.

stahlop · August 2010

My best friend is a real eagle eye about this. Our friend was drinking club soda with lime (could have been a gin and tonic) and immediately guessed she was pregnant. This isn't even a friend we hang out with that often. I'm glad I told her before I had to go through that awkwardness. It's not that we're big drinkers, but I usually have a glass of wine with a meal when I go out. That one is a little harder to mask then a non-alcoholic mixed drink.

ashabell · August 2010

I feel that if I am out at a social function to celebrate (for example someone's birthday) then it is not the time to out my pregnancy. In addition, as I am only a few weeks along, i don't really want to tell everyone I run into. Hence, the fake out drink. I feel in some cases, it is the only way to still enjoy the social scene you are used to, without spreading news before you feel comfortable.

sbmp10 · August 2010

I think it depends on the situation... Usually my family wouldn't say anything but with my last pregnancy I asked for water at Christmas dinner and the room exploded into cheers of she's pregnant - which I was!

Last night we had a family wedding and I wasn't drinking and my sisters spent the entire night asking if I was pregnant. Because it is so early I denied it endlessly they didn't believe it for a second but they will have to wait until I confirm it for them.

If it had just been a family BBQ or dinner they wouldn't have even noticed.

daniella2727 · August 2010

Me and my husband are very social and see friends & family almost every weekend. At these gatherings we drink. I have found all our friends drink on the weekends - not as if we are in college getting hammered, but definitely 2 - glasses of wine on a Fri and Sat. So if I were around them and did not have 1 drink it would be a major red flag! Hence, last night I fake drank!

I guess if you are not a drinker and your friends, family aren't this wouldn't be a red flag, it is for me and until I am ready to announce my pregnancy I don't want others knowing about it.

MegGriff1n · August 2010

I never drink at all so it was never in issue for me but my friends are very big drinkers. When we went out for a birthday dinner and my friend wasn't drinking I knew right away she was pregnant (and she was). She ALWAYS drinks so it was a dead give away when she wasn't drinking.

magdalina.h · August 2010

I went to a party a few days after we found out about Aidan. The primary reason for the party is to drink. So I just said that I was sick and on antibiotics. I even went as far as to have a pill bottle, with tic tacs, with me. Plus I used to drink with my friends. Not get sloppy drunk every time, but we would always have one drink, so me saying that I wasn't drinking would have tipped them off.

This time I didn't have to worry about that. I had a total of 5 drinks after Aidan passed and I decided that I was done drinking until we were done having kids. So I never had to worry about that this time.

soleil0024 · August 2010

I am a huge wine drinker. So are all of my friends. We do tastings once a week at a high end wine establishment. We also have a ladies' night at a friend's house once a week.

So it's weird that I have been avoiding them. And when I can't avoid them... that I am not drinking wine at our weekly ladies' nights.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2010

I'm not a huge drinker by any stretch, but I think it's assumed when you go out to dinner with friends on a Friday night, go to a wedding, happy hour after work, etc. you have a glass of wine/beer/beverage of choice. Certain events just involve alcohol. I can see why someone would want to pretend to drink/make an excuse if you're not drinking. If you're a married woman of a certain age, people are just going to expect you're pregnant if you're intentionally avoiding alcohol. If I were out with a single friend and she was avoiding alcohol, I probably wouldn't think too much of it.

Mitchell's Mommy · August 2010

vflipo:
I'm with you on this. I never really understood why people had to make up some ridiculous excuse or pretend to drink. I doubt anyone actually notices/says something if you suddenly don't drink at an event. I'd like to understand the point of this as well.

I beg to differ with you...when I was trying to hide my pregnancy with my son, I was CONSTATLY being asked why I wasn't drinking. I started having to drink pop in a rocks glass and say it was vanilla stoli and coke to avoid the question. Now, I guess the fact that my husband and I would always have a drink or two when we went out made it questionable when I all of a sudden switched to water. I suppose if you aren't a big drinker and have just ordered water in the past, it wouldn't be an issue.

vflipo · August 2010

Mitchell's Mommy:
vflipo:
I'm with you on this. I never really understood why people had to make up some ridiculous excuse or pretend to drink. I doubt anyone actually notices/says something if you suddenly don't drink at an event. I'd like to understand the point of this as well.

I beg to differ with you...when I was trying to hide my pregnancy with my son, I was CONSTATLY being asked why I wasn't drinking. I started having to drink pop in a rocks glass and say it was vanilla stoli and coke to avoid the question. Now, I guess the fact that my husband and I would always have a drink or two when we went out made it questionable when I all of a sudden switched to water. I suppose if you aren't a big drinker and have just ordered water in the past, it wouldn't be an issue.

But couldn't you just say "I don't feel like drinking." I don't see the reasoning behind some elaborate ruse.

MrsManning10 · August 2010

vflipo:
Mitchell's Mommy:
vflipo:
I'm with you on this. I never really understood why people had to make up some ridiculous excuse or pretend to drink. I doubt anyone actually notices/says something if you suddenly don't drink at an event. I'd like to understand the point of this as well.
I beg to differ with you...when I was trying to hide my pregnancy with my son, I was CONSTATLY being asked why I wasn't drinking. I started having to drink pop in a rocks glass and say it was vanilla stoli and coke to avoid the question. Now, I guess the fact that my husband and I would always have a drink or two when we went out made it questionable when I all of a sudden switched to water. I suppose if you aren't a big drinker and have just ordered water in the past, it wouldn't be an issue.
But couldn't you just say "I don't feel like drinking." I don't see the reasoning behind some elaborate ruse.

I have never done the whole "fake a drink thing", but with my first pregnancy, I tried this and it didn't go over well. I was at my friend's house, she offered me a glass of wine (which I would normally always take her up on), and I just said I wasn't feeling good and didn't want any. Her first reaction, without missing a beat, was, "OMG. Are you pregnant?" I lied and said no, but it definitely raised suspicions. She asked me later that night, which I denied again.

ETA: The bump cut me off... Anyways, I was just going to add that the only reason that I like to have a good excuse, is because I am an AWFUL liar. So, generally, if someone just point-blank asks me, I have a hard time lying to them. So, I would rather come up with a believable excuse than even be asked about it. But, if my darn friends weren't so nosy, I wouldn't even have to worry about it. Darn friends. :-)

j&j508 · August 2010

Ditto to PPs who said it's because it keeps the questions from coming when you're out with people who are used to you drinking.

For me, weeks 4 & 5 I was in the UK with a ton of my husband's extended family. "I don't feel like drinking" doesn't really work when you're at pubs twice a day for two weeks... I would order a beer now and then, and secretly switch with DH, so he was drinking double, and then I would pretend to sip some so it wasn't obvious. I also used motion sickness (we did lots of long day drives) and being tired as excuses... I don't know how else we could have done it without telling.

thebigmare · August 2010

I'm going to a dinner party tonight. The hostess mentioned this fabulous bottle of wine she has to go with the cheese and dessert course. And she asked us to bring a bottle to go with the main course. It's just going to be her, her hubby, and me and my hubby. I haven't really been in this situation since I got pregnant. She knows that I love wine. So I'm not really sure what to say. DH and I were discussing it. I think I'll just say that I'm not in the mood or maybe later or something like that. We've told a lot of close friends, so that's made it easier. We're friends with this couple, but they are new friends, not necessary close friends (yet). But I'm almost 10 weeks, I might just tell her the real reason I can't drink. I haven't decided.

On a side note, I was watching Jersey Shore the other day and the girls were out at a restaurant drinking this really girly fruity drink and I thought, "Gosh I want a drink! I can't believe that I'll have to wait until forever for a drink!" But that's the good thing with girlie fruity drinks...they taste the same made without alcohol.

BeetleLinz1125 · August 2010

Well, my parents definitely suspected something when we went over to tell them I was pregnant and I turned down a drink. My dad brews beer as a hobby, so he is always having me taste his latest brew. Plus, I have always enjoyed having a drink, and yes, sometimes three or four, while socializing. It is really hard, but I am just very open with the fact that I am pregnant, but I realize that it might be hard for most if they aren't telling anyone. Plus at this point, I don't want anyone who knows to think that I am actually drinking when I'm just trying to hide it from people who don't know yet. I think that would be worse LOL!

I guess if you didn't do a lot of drinking then it really isn't something you would understand. But it is hard because sometimes, people actually do judge you or think something is wrong if you don't drink when you normally would. Plus, it is the first thing that effects how you socialize (not saying you have to be drunk to socialize....), because I know it has been really hard at social events and gatherings because I'm the "outcast that can't drink" or expected to be the designated driver. It sucks, but I will have something so much better in the end! I wouldn't trade my pregnancy for drinking any day.

optimist13 · August 2010

i didn't want to tell people i work with that i was pregnant just yet, and they would know something was up if i wasnt drinking with them, and i know they would pressure me as to WHY i wasnt drinking, so i've just been avoiding going out with them using various excuses of being busy etc.

jenju01 · August 2010

I would say that just depends on the individual. My husband and I are social drinkers and usually are around the same, intimate group of friends when we're in a social setting. For me NOT to have a drink wouldn't exactly set me up for a firing squad but it would definitely raise some eyebrows...especially since most of our friends knew we were "trying". I just didn't want to be asked since I'm not a very good liar so for me, sprite in a rocks glass with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime just helped me avoid telling people before I was ready. It wasn't "pressure" - just appearing to do that which is normal.

Big Smile

mrsjanks · August 2010

I totally feel you, op. It seems so immature the lengths that people go to so they can fit in and "fake drink."

Then again, I didn't even drink at my wedding. I've never been drunk. I just don't like alcohol. But people never look at me like I have two heads when I say "No, thanks, I don't want a drink." Even people who don't know me. So I don't see the point in making up excuses.

MrsManning10 · August 2010

mrsjanks:
I totally feel you, op. It seems so immature the lengths that people go to so they can fit in and "fake drink."
Then again, I didn't even drink at my wedding. I've never been drunk. I just don't like alcohol. But people never look at me like I have two heads when I say "No, thanks, I don't want a drink." Even people who don't know me. So I don't see the point in making up excuses.

:::rolls eyes:::

I think you are missing the point. See, you say that you aren't a big drinker, didn't drink at your own wedding, and have never been drunk. So, for your close friends to see you not drinking, they probably don't think anything of it.

But some people are social drinkers and like to have a drink when with friends. For these people, it can be very suspicious if they aren't having a drink when everyone else around them is. Is that so hard to understand? I don't see how it is immature to just have an excuse handy. For me, I would rather have an excuse because I don't want to be asked, "OMG! Are you pregnant?" I am an awful liar and I would prefer to prevent that whole situation all together.

Your response really rubs me the wrong way. Although you have shared the same opinion as others that have posted, you are the first one to really come off judgmental about it.

RunningGal900 · August 2010

I've been in plenty of social situations where people were drinking and I just had soda water and no one batted an eye. However, I've also been in situations with friends where they thought it was incredibly bizarre (and they did make several comments) that I turned down a glass of wine with dinner. I'm not a huge drinker, but I usually have a glass or two when we go out. I wouldn't lie from the get go, but if you turn down a drink and someone questions you and continues to question you, then it's hard not to.

skio · August 2010

Yes, actually. We had a large family wedding to attend the day after we found out. DH's family all enjoy drinks and they damn well know I do, too. So, they absolutely would've flat-out thought I was pregnant if I didn't have a single drink. We didn't want any assumptions or questions that early on, so I faked a seltzer as a gin & tonic.

Same goes for my family. At family gatherings, there is always a featured drink - gin & tonics in the summer, whisky sours in the winter, sangria at Easter and spring parties. I get questions if I don't have one.

And it's not like I never turned down a drink when I wasn't pregnant. I get migraines, so would never touch alcohol if I had had one recently. For a while, I was having stomach issues and was forbidden to drink alcohol for months by my doc. But no, I can't just say, "No, thanks" without people making ridiculous assumptions (it's annoying being under everyone's microscope), so it's easier for me to fake it at times.

ETA: After reading more responses, I think it's pretty cut and dry. People who DO drink at family gatherings and social events feel the need to fake it in order to avoid unnecessary questions, assumptions etc. and the headaches caused by them. Those who DON'T often drink at functions...fuckingduh, people aren't going to wonder nor will they ask you a hoarde of uncomfortable questions, so you don't have to worry about it. I don't see what's so hard to grasp about the differences in lifestyle.

Kris&Erin · August 2010

I'm with you, I see pictures of clearly pregnant woman drinking a drink because they are vacation some where and wanted to try it...>WHY RISK YOUR UNBORN BABYS LIFE or health for that matter!! UGH Just bothers me BIG TIME!

MrsTotty · August 2010

I agree to an extent. At a work function? Yeah, none of their damn business, and asking 'why are you not drinking?!!! Are you KU?' is ridiculous.

The first thing my MIL said to me when I told her I was pregnant this time around? 'But you had a beer on the 4th!' (I tested that evening) Family notices shitte like that, lol.

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