Update for my friends (ticker warning)...

Starbuck5 · August 2010

Hi ladies...I've disappeared from the bump for the past couple months and just wanted to update you on what's been going on with me.I also wanted to thank Papps for being such a great support during this time. And also wanted to tell mdluv, gym, sulfa, mari, heathercara, ams, nova that I miss you all. I know I'm missing some more people (scatter brained), but you know who you are. Much love. xoxo https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/41468783/ShowThread.aspx#41468783

kerrbear72 · August 2010

I know you don't know me but I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that you've had to go/are going through this.

I'm sure everyone has already thrown at you the whole "you're better off" yada, yada so I'll spare you because I know it doesn't make this any easier or better.

You're in my thoughts.

JessicaAlice · August 2010

Oh Star, I am so, so sorry to hear all this. What a mess. ((hugs))

Suebee8 · August 2010

Wow, Starbuck, I am so, so sorry for all that you have and are going through. You seem like a very strong woman and I have not doubt you will be just fine and even stronger in the long run and a great role model for your son.

Best wishes to you

mrs.monica · August 2010

Hi Starbuck. Miss you! So sorry you are going through that. It makes me sick to my stomach that you're having to struggle through all of that after 7 years with him. Just know we all support you. You'll be the best mommy this little guy can ever have. I just know it.

Omega20 · August 2010

I'm so sorry. No one deserves what you're going through right now.

(((big hugs)))

laurens1122 · August 2010

Oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry to hear all that you've been through. You so don't deserve what you're going through right now, it's just so unfair! Just know that we're all here for you! ((huge hugs))

gymnst1013 · August 2010

Oh Starbuck my heart is breaking for you You are a strong woman and you will make it through this and be the best mom your son could ever ask for. I just know it. We are here if you EVER need anything.

Love you. Stay strong.

Gingham · August 2010

Oh Sweetie, my heart broke when I read this. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. You are a very string woman and are going to be an amazing mommy. Just know we are always here for you if you need anything. xoxo

mharison · August 2010

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and praying for some comfort.

MisN · August 2010

Oh Starbuck, I am so sorry you are going through this. You will be a wonderful mommy to this little guy and hang onto that.

BetchySprout · August 2010

Starbuck, you probably don't remember me but I remember you as one of the nicest most supportive people out there (who takes no bull). I hope you are able to get the clean slate that you deserve right now. Take care of you and that sweet baby...I am so freaking sorry that you are attached to that piece of garbage until March.

katib77 · August 2010

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this Starbucks! I know you will be able to make it thru. As for the financial issues, can you get a judge to freeze activity so he can't open any credit cards or make any more large purchases until the divorce?

Keep focused on your baby and know that we're here for you.

XXXXX222 · August 2010

Oh sweetheart, I am in tears reading your story. You are so strong and so beautiful. You are going to be a great mommy who sticks up for herself and her kid. We love you.

ashleyann82 · August 2010

I am so sorry Starbuck that you are going through all of this. It's not right. I hope that you can sort things out the best you can and find some closure. All of us ladies on 3T are here for you whenever you need us. Good Luck to you, I hope things get better from here.

heathercara · August 2010

Oh Sweetie. I am shocked. I was going to page you the other day and then I saw you reappear on facebook and figured it was your pregnancy so I was stepping back. I am so truly sorry that you are dealing with this. Ever. Let alone at this point in your pregnancy. You are so much better than this and him. You know I am here if you ever need ANYTHING...EVER. Don't doubt that for a second. I am so angry for you!! But so proud of how strong you are being

Big hugs and cuddles.

orange1414 · August 2010

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Starbuck. ((big hugs))

Mrs.Johns · August 2010

Oh honey, I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. You are such a wonderful person and don't deserve this. (((huge hugs))) I will be thinking of you and sending T&Ps your way.

Mrs.Umm · August 2010

I am so, so sorry you have to deal with that crap right now. Stay strong and know that you'll be the best mommy your baby could every want, and we're here if you need us.

beth0874 · August 2010

Starbuck, I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart breaks for you. Stay as strong as you can be. You have support all around you. You are going to be a wonderful mother with much love to give to your child. T&Ps for you and your baby. ((hugs))

amy0610 · August 2010

Hey SB. So so sorry to hear about this. My heart also broke when I read it. No one should have to go through that, especially while pregnant. My thoughts are with you.

Blasianlove · August 2010

::huge hugs:: I am so so sorry love. I can't believe what a diick he was. No woman or man ever deserves to go through what you have been through. Karma is a biitch and he is going to get what is coming to him, whether it's right now or later in life.

Stay strong and keep your head up. If you ever want to talk or vent, please do not hesitate to contact me. I lurk mostly on here since I am on a break, but you know me on FB.

I live in the same state and have looked up a lot before marrying M, since he has a bankruptcy. I came across information where you may be able to file legal seperation which means your earnings and his earnings (or debt) become your own starting at the date of seperation. Until your divorce goes through, I don't see what else you could do so he doesn't mess up your credit and finances unless you have seperated the credit cards, bank accounts and housing already. I just had a friend be dragged through the mud because of the joint thing and he was like your guy in the financial situation. I pray you don't go through what she has.

ETA: Also, if you can't get either your name or his name off of your joint accounts, you may have to suck it up and freeze them. If you don't freeze the accounts you are still liable for his spending. Keep documentation on charges or withdrawls. Don't do your talking over the phone. Do it in e-mails or letters. If your mailbox is accessible, create a PO Box until you move or the divorce is over and you feel comfortable.

bhilyer · August 2010

Oh Starbuck! My heart is just breaking for you right now.

Keep your chin up and stay strong. We're here for you if you need a place to vent, cry, whatever.

cutebride73 · August 2010

I am so sorry, what a terrible situation. ((hugs)) It is just beyond words that he would do all of those things to you. I agree with the people in your other post - document everything - which it sounds like you are already doing. Hopefully, your fianaces can be seperated soon and he won't get any bright ideas about custody later on. Given his recent history of instability I would say he won't have a chance to get much custody, but that is why the documentation is so important (sending texts to your email address to keep them, etc..)

Good luck hun, I am just so sorry that this has happened. You will be an strong, awesome mom though - I just know it.

AmberZ2be · August 2010

Oh Starbuck, I think of you often and am soo sorry you are going through this. ((huge hugs)) You don't deserve any of this shiit, but you already knew that.

lyse2143 · August 2010

Oh sweetie I'm so, so sorry for what you've been going through. You absolutely do not deserve any of that and its unfortunate that you're still having to deal with his insensitive and *** behavior. I'm here anytime you need a friend.

STL34 · August 2010

Starbuck, I am so very sorry you are going through this. It is breaking my heart. ((hugs)) You are a very strong woman. You don't deserve this. Take care of yourself, hon.

Temp356619000002780 · August 2010

Awww hon I am so sorry! I knew something was up with you just not so sure what it was. Let me start be saying fvck him. Change your number and stop taking his calls. I was a single mom and dealt with similar bullshiit from the momment I was pregnant. You can't let him get you down! This is his mess and his bullshiit not yours you deserve better than that! You may not see how lucky you are to get out sooner than later, but one day you will look back on these hard times and think to yourself it was all worth it for your child. This is a short time in your life, but you have a wonderful life a head of you. Just wait and see. If you need anything you know how to reach me. I remember when I kicked my ex out, it was the best thing I have ever done. Now I know how to love myself and know I derserve better. I did find better, I have a man that treats me like a queen and treats my child like a little prince. I wouldn't have it any other way! Everything eventually falls into place. Best wishes for you!!

rebelina1 · August 2010

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. ((hugs))

I can't believe this is happening to you while you are pregnant. It sounds like he has some serious problems that need to be worked through.

I actually went through something similar with my dad about five years ago. He started drinking heavily and became addicted to hard drugs. He was also cheating on my mom. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through so I can just imagine the pain you are feeling.

I hope you have a great support team to help you through this time and you know we are always hear for you.

Jill070707 · August 2010

Oh no! I'm so sorry to see this. I was actually just thinking of you this week and wondering how you were doing - I miss the updates. My heart aches reading about what you've been through. I know how much you struggled for this baby, I hope you can take comfort in the rest of your pregnancy and you providing the best situation for your baby. I don't even know what to say. Not that it means much from an internet stranger, but I'm proud of you for being so strong and getting away. *hugs*

ConnCottager · August 2010

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You'll be in my thoughts.

JKGymnast · August 2010

You dont know me, but I remember you from when I first signed on to thebump... I am so, so sorry to hear what you are going through and applaud you for being as strong as you have been... to stand up for yourself and your child... and not to just tuck it under the rug and deal. You are going to be so much better off without him... and you are already teaching your unborn child what is acceptable, and unacceptable behavior.

Sending lots of ((HUGS)) to you...

Ski&Sail09 · August 2010

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I wish there was something I could do for you. Hang in there and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

loloindiego · August 2010

I'm soooo sorry Starbuck. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now, but we're all here for you if you need us. Again, I'm so so incredibly sorry that you're going through this right now. ((((huge hugs))))

williaw · August 2010

Oh, honey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. ((GIANT HUGS))

shootingstart · August 2010

I do not know you - but I wanted to offer my prayers to you. I truly hope that the light at the end of the tunnel appears for you soon. Hugs!

On a side note -about his spending - I do know that with certain mental health cases you are able to get "on credit" purchasing power revoked. That laundry list of meds he was presribed makes me think (and hope) this may be one of those cases. It may be something to check in to before your divorce before he manages to rack up incredible debt for you.

Starbuck5 · August 2010

You guys have absolutely no idea how much your support means to me. Thank you guys for being such wonderful women. Your encouragement is more empowering than you know.

Papps- Thank you for being such an amazing woman. Your friendship is irreplaceable and extremely valuable to me. Thanks for hanging in there with me while I turned into a hermit for a bit. :y Can't wait until September 9th to start our VD dates again. xoxo

Patty- I almsot spit out my cereal when I saw your siggy pic. Made me laugh. I'm certainly going to e-mail that to the priick when he sends me his next "I'm doing so well" message. Thanks for the support and the smiles.

katib77- We looked into freezing his accounts and found out that we can't since I am not on his credit cards or his bank card. We kept those completely separate which is a good thing. But since we live in a joint property state, that doesn't release me from liability since we are married. But the good thing is, like blue mentioned, we can file for legal separation right now and convert that into a dissolution of marriage the day the baby is born. And any debt he accrues from the date the legal separation is filed is his own. But unfortunately, I'm still liable for the $15,000 he charged up this past month. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

blue- You and I are on the same page as far as the legal separation goes. That is something that we are definitely planning on doing ASAP and as I said to katib, we will convert that to a dissolution of marriage once the baby is born. At least everything is kept separate after the date of filing. *sigh of relief* Thanks so much for your support. xxoo

cutebride- Yes. I have definitely been documenting EVERYTHING. Down to the pictures of the drugs I found in his "mancave" to every e-mail and text he sends me. I need everything I can to help prove that he's unstable to care for a child (at least at this time). As much as I hate him right now, I do truly hope he gets the help he needs so he can be a part of my sons life in the future. Much love.

mari- Your story gives me so much hope. Obviously now I'm not thinking of "moving on" and dating. But that was one of the things that was hurting as well. "Who's going to want a woman with a kid?" I know it sounds silly to say that. But over the past couple weeks I've realized that sure there are going to be guys that don't want that. But those wouldn't be the right guys for me or my son in the first place. The right guy will come along one day and do exactly as your husband does now. Treat us the way we deserve to be treated. Thank you mari. xoxo

rebelina- I'm so sorry for both you and your mother that you had to go through something similar. It is one of the most painful things to see someone you love self destruct. I hope that your story had a happy ending. PS: I'm drooling over your Damon picture....he might be the ONLY man I'd consider dating right now... xoxo

LovedByHim, kerrbear, JessicaAlice, Suebee, mrs.monica, Omega, geordie, LGLDVM, laurens, gym, Ging, mharison, MisN, sulfa, ashleyann, heathercara, orange, Mrs.Johns, Mrs.Umm, beth, amy, bhilyer, Amber, lyse, STL, Jill, Conn, JKG, Ski&Sail, lolo, and willaw- Thank you so much for your kind words of love and support. They are truly empowering. Love you girls.

ETA: shootingstart- Thank you for that information. That will definitely be something I'll look into.

mdluv21 · August 2010

Oh sweetie, I knew from your FB that things must not be going so well, but I had no idea how bad it was. Please take care of yourself and that little boy, that is all that matters right now is your health and his health.

I am here in you every need ANYTHING at all. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((Huge Bear Hugs))

Starbuck5 · August 2010

mdluv21:
Oh sweetie, I knew from your FB that things must not be going so well, but I had no idea how bad it was. Please take care of yourself and that little boy, that is all that matters right now if your health and his health.
I am here in you every need ANYTHING at all. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((Huge Bear Hugs))

Thank you so much md. I love you girl! ((hugs))

mdluv21 · August 2010

Starbuck5:
mdluv21:
Oh sweetie, I knew from your FB that things must not be going so well, but I had no idea how bad it was. Please take care of yourself and that little boy, that is all that matters right now if your health and his health.
I am here in you every need ANYTHING at all. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((Huge Bear Hugs))
Thank you so much md. I love you girl! ((hugs))

MegannJay · August 2010

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that, ESPECIALLY while you're pregnant:(

(((hugs)))

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